Insecurities

Insecurities are part of growing. We could be out of it after a while or it could grow to be part of us. Insecurities come in many shapes. It could be mental, physical, emotional, or social. It could be gradual, sudden, or just lurking behind waiting to surface.



I am insecure in many things. The cause could be anything I didn't get when I was growing or something I didn't inherit from good genes. The cause might be triggered by something small or something great. It might had happened suddenly or I stumbled upon it in layers.



I don't consider myself good looking which is not really a big deal because I am not a ramp model. I starred in some stage productions but it was pure talent that brought me to the limelight. I was praised for my acting, serious or funny, and that was enough to bring accolades to my ears. I acted as an emcee in various events yet it wasn't the beauty of the face that I gave as a collateral but the persona in me, the ability to face a crowd and be natural.



I don't consider myself a genius which is not a problem because I don't intend be labelled nerdy (which I was tagged when I was in high school) or be a social outcast. In my years of study, I managed to be in the honour roll and consider myself bright when I finished three different areas of studies with flying colours. I was often asked by my professors to double a task when everyone were just given one. When they do a chapter of a book, mine was the entirety of the reading material. I was always challenged for they put their faith on me. They recognized my potentials and I did my job well.



The insecurity I feel stems up from the outside world, the harsh reality of being brown. It's about colour and the demeaning comments upon my race rather than what I can bring to the table. I may not talk with a native English twang (of which I could easily do) or in convoluted sentences with unfamiliar words. I simply speak clear and deliver a well-caring attitude towards my vocation as a teacher. I am not presenting a colour but rather a person, a great teacher, a well-rounded individual. As one of the parents said, "I see not your colour but you as a teacher, a wonderful one indeed!"



Insecurities eat us up and destroy us, only if you let it ruin your day or your life. Rising from the battered words of unbelievers; I, on my own terms, show the opposite of what they throw to me. I give them high spirits. Lifting myself from the battleground of unnecessary comments, I even fight through, and show my unwavering faith to myself. Then as insecurities die down, or laid upon the corners, a new day unfolds. Just as the heavy rain battered the morning with thunder and lightning, it will come to a stop, and then a day begins anew.



So believe and live a beautiful life.