Wish Tag, Done!

Tags, I thought they are used to label shoes or bags or attached to your suitcases so as they reach their destinations. This tag is different, asking me what I wish for this holiday. I received this a day before Christmas and I was out so pardon for the tardy posting.

Hand made card by Natty.

Christmas cards as I file them since time immemorial. I was told I am from the dinosaur age so you can guess how many cards I had collected so far. They don't give them as much like they used to be. No thanks to FB and the net.

Peter Pan and Little Mermaid, priceless!

I collect books and I am actually eyeing Robert Sabuda's pop up books to add to my library. I have four of them now and they are all exquisite and enchanting, not to mention, very delicate.

Checking out Metaphorically Speaking

An iPad as I always want something light (Air) but wider, for me to check the net while I am travelling. 

Fly me to another land...

An air ticket so I can go somewhere during a break. It would be fun to see my friends again so I need to visit them. I wanted to be away!

Friends from high school and blogger friends galore!

Friends, not the kind where I go out drinking and eating with but those who will stick with you through thick and thin. It is difficult to trust people nowadays. 

A swan, peacefully lying under the shade. 

Peace of mind, for it is acquiring a mindset of peacefulness that I can actually be with myself and my world. So a short stay in a sanctuary for meditation could be a good thing.

I will not tag anybody anymore since this is a very late post. I am thankful to Cher Kat for tagging me. This wish list is already completed except for number 6 which is going to be an ongoing process.  

Many thanks to all those who come to visit and read. May God bless you and Happy New Year to all of you!

With gratitude to Andrew, Brace, Eleanor, Ella, Ji Min, Laura, Le Le, Lilly, Louis, Nate, Sofia, Sophie, and their parents. Your graciousness are unparalleled!

In My Own Home

Coming home from school, the rain had been battering the streets with pelts of water as if earth is thirsty after battling the gruelling summer heat. Then along the way came the gush of wind made stronger by the irate intensity of the changing weather. I reached home safe yet in the company of my own abode I was restless.

The state of the nation where I am right now is in a siege mood. Never in my entire life had I imagined being in the middle of this chaos. Differing political views and unwavering opinions meet no resolutions. The nation is rattled and so are the people, young and old alike.

The summer heat depletes the ground of much needed water that plants suffer, wither and die. Those big trees were fortunate enough to extend their roots to seek for a water source but those small ones were left parched and to perish.

People who have the resources to survive times of trouble are like the big trees of the forest. They could find opportunities to either protect themselves from the heat and live through summer days. Those unfortunate would be left to their own standings to make do of what they have for the challenges are just not suited for their makings.

Being at home means living at the comfort we earned in years. Though I was able to reach home dry from that sudden downpour, being at home does not mean I am free from harm. For it is in my own home that I feel threatened by outside forces. No one is sure of what's to happen and it is in not knowing what's ahead that intensifies the apprehensions.

Sawatdee Pee Mai 2553

Blessed be the start of a new year
As we renew our life and think of good deeds.

300

300 entries since the beginning and I am still going to write and share. Entries about my passions- gardening and teaching; trials and successes; failures and sorrows; books and religion. Each and every entry is a creation not just by the mind but by the heart. My present status as being all alone throughout had forced me to create a vessel to communicate my thoughts and feelings gathered everyday.

300 is a big number but still a minuscule to the many ideas that permeates my core of thinking. It is nothing compared to the many thoughts that pervades my everyday meet with disasters and joys. It is also not enough to compare the number of times I was hurt or fell in love or thoughts of giving up. The entries I wrote were just a summary of my real core.

Each entry speaks about a layer of my inner thoughts, desires or faulty decisions. They moved me to seek support from readers and learned through those posts the magnanimity of dialogues. I seek not of an audience but a venue for my appreciation and disappointments. I made a start, continued through these years and eventually managed to reach these many entries.

I will continue to write as it is my only companion in life. Even without an audience, my monologues about living will surely be heard not because it is loud and daunting but because it speaks from the heart.

Mystery (February 10, 2009)

I had been waiting for this thing to open up because I am intrigued as to what it is. First the blooms came and then they faded, small packets sprung up and started to grow big. I am amazed on its transformation. There are many of them right now.

When I meet people I always give the benefit of the doubt. I am all ears and happy to meet them. Intentions are there that I cannot hide where mine is the intention to make more and more friends. However, I have been meeting the wrong people. After some time, the intentions are surfacing through constant asking of favours and then financial help.

One day I took a cab and the traffic was quite bad. The driver started conversing because of the bad traffic. I was trying to be polite and later genial so we get to speak about work, family and interests. Upon learning that I'm working in an international community, he immediately assumed that I earn a lot. Then he asked if he can borrow money from me.

Cab driver: Could I borrow a thousand baht from you?

Me: Hah! Why would I lend you money when I don't even know who you are?
Cab Driver: Then I'll give you my mobile number and we can be friends.

Me: Sim cards are readily available at 7-Eleven stores. You can buy one after this conversation and I have no assurance that you will be paying me back.

Cab Driver: How about five hundred?

Me: No! I am sorry. Oh, here's my home. Stop here please.

Cab Driver: Is this your house? Are you with your family?

Me: Yes, my parents, brothers and sisters are there even my grandparents.

Cab Driver: So I won't be able to borrow money from you?

Me: Sorry, find someone like a friend.

I got off the cab, waited for the driver to leave, and walked home as the house where I was dropped was not mine. This driver is like the transformation I saw in my garden. The flowers so bright and pretty, was his persona in the beginning. With time, the changes are happening right before my eyes. There was a hidden agenda, an intention I cannot unravel though I know if I lend him some money, it will never be returned.

You Are My Sunshine (January 31, 2009)

One song I always teach the children in my class is the song, " You Are My Sunshine" and one day, after singing, I asked the children who the sunshine of their lives is. Most of them answer their friends. Another set answered their family members. And then I became silent and asked myself who my sunshine is.

How do I put someone to be my sunshine? Should I go for familial affinity such as my mum and my dad? Should I include siblings or close relatives? Should I make mention of friends or acquaintances? Should I just zero in with the people I love, in the past or the present?

This is one question I feel difficult to answer. I shouldn't be asking my students this when I myself cannot give a simple answer. As the song also says, "You make me happy when skies are grey." And right now, the sky hovering my head is heavy and gloomy yet I don't see anyone casting it out.

As I was watering the garden plants this late afternoon, my feelings were like the falling leaves and the yellowing colours around. I felt so empty. I am alone.

The song ends with, "Please don't take my sunshine away." but in my case right now, I am asking for someone to take the dark skies away so that I can see the sunshine.

Welcome 2009! (January 01, 2009)

Something big, loud and intimidating yet genteel and serene in nature. I open 2009 with the trumpeting sound of an elephant.

Welcome 2009!

Cheers! (December 31, 2008)

As the year ends, I am very grateful of the fact that I have been enjoying life in many different degrees. I am blessed with the wonderful presence of my family, friends, students and co-workers. I am grateful for the bounty of nature by providing my surroundings with greens and my garden with beautiful flowers all throughout the year. I am happy to be able to find time to write and blog my thoughts and eventually read other blogs during my free time.

It wasn't smooth sailing all throughout but I always make it a point that I am not affected by remarks and criticisms which I am sure will diminish my zest to live. I expect less but work more. I love more but expect less. I plan ahead but work out smallest details. I smile when I don't need to and I walk to cool off steam. I enjoy small moments and gather memories from short meets and funny adventures. I learn from small talks and achieve with big results.

The people around me made me realized that life is worth living. The consequences around me made me realized that those events happened for some reasons. My students made me realized how lucky I am to be their teacher. The family I have made me more secure about my philosophy in life. The friends who had come and who had disappeared gave me the courage to continue making friends and believe in interdependence.

Thank you to all those who had been a part of my existence. The year had been a wonderful addition to my cumulative years. Cheers to all!

In Exchange of... (December 18, 2008)

There is this village that I always dread to visit because of the guards. The guards are devious. The way they look down at people when they asked for their ID cards or any form of identifications. One cannot enter unless we give them a card but that is not the problem for me. The problem is the way they ask, they give you a sneer while giving salutes and graceful bows to those with cars (non-residence) or white people (no Id asked). I always tell myself that brown people are not the only one capable of stealing but others as well. It is not about the colours, it is about need.

Here comes a car…salute!

Here comes someone on a bike…change ID!

Here comes a farang (Caucasian)… sawatdee krub!

Here comes someone on a motorcycle taxi (brown skinned)…where you go?!!!!

An acquaintance told me to buy a car so that when I go to that village, I will in a small way, earn respect. Whoa! I will earn respect if I buy a car. Then the next question is, what kind of car?

Here comes a Toyota…change ID!

Here comes a Volvo…sawatdee krub!

Here comes a Benz…arun sawat!

Here comes a limousine…everybody salute!

Life is funny! Some people are weird!

Making the Most of Everything (December 15, 2008)

The happiest of people don't necessarily

Have the best of everything;

They just make the most of

Everything that comes along their way.

With the economic crunch, a lot of people are feeling the pinch and others are struggling to make ends meet. I was speaking with a friend earlier and found out that he had shifted work for a while to sustain the family’s income. He is happy to be able to receive an ample amount for a day’s worth. That ample amount will be able to help his family of four.

With his sharing, I was impressed how people can actually live with that ample amount and told myself that I am sure lucky to be earning more than enough. It was a reminder that my life is good and that I should be thankful for the bounty I am always receiving. It was a realization that people do the same hard work but earn differently. It takes one example shared by a friend for me to see once again that I am blessed.

I always try to remember that when something bad happens, another person is struggling more than what I am facing. Given an opportunity, one must strive to finish schooling, studying when the opportunity is present, to turn an interest into business, to believe in one’s dream, and be passionate with life. Life is not about acquiring material wealth. Life is about living a decent, happy and good life. It's happiness first!

A Year (May 21, 2008)

It’s a year now since I started blogging. I have no regrets but only praises for being able to blog my thoughts and feelings with a technology feel into it.
Blogging my feelings have been a tremendous help towards a more stable emotional life. Aside from the beauty of plants that surrounds me, blogging gives me the same pleasure as I write many instances of my life, be it good or bad. It is an outlet for releasing pent up emotions brought about by changes, rejections, move, and loss.

Blogging my thoughts had been helpful as I gain confidence in writing and in increasing my vocabulary I seldom use. It gives me an opportunity to send my ideas and messages to some chosen few who reads my blog occasionally. I have many things to share and have learned many things throughout that’s why blogging my experiences and thoughts in here makes me feel that I can be of little help to others.

So a one year anniversary for me. Thanks to blogspot.com.

Earth Day (April 22, 2008)

My Earth Day message: not just one day, or an hour of observance but an everyday effort to make the world safer and better. It's the only one we have.

Riding a Cab ( March 27, 2008)

I am a cab rider. I don't drive so the cab is my everyday mode of transportation. I had met some of the most polite drivers who even give me the wai ( hands placed together as if praying shown as a respect) and some of the most animated speakers both in English and Thai. I had spoken with a few who had shared their lives as we traversed around forty minutes of the road. I had also been a listener to the many woes about government or economic instability. I had been offered free rides, asked for special tutoring and befriended.

But of course, I had met some of the most boorish cab drivers around. There were some who were absolute complainers about the traffic situation. There were those who constantly sigh and murmur. There was even one who asked me to get off and walk, as it was a hassle for him to exchange his license for an entry card to get inside the posh village. There was one who wanted to borrow some money. Another one who wanted to sleep in my place and a couple of leg grabbers and giving me the 'touch'.

It is amusing to be inside one public transportation and experience all sorts of mischief and/or fruitful conversations. Cab drivers are indeed humans- happy, shy, disoriented, snobbish, and mischievous. I still have lots of stories to tell and I just find riding cabs an everyday adventure.

Stripes (March 25, 2008)

There are many instances in life that we struggle to make our lives better. It is indeed a good chance for us to show how we can uplift our present standing. Some go for education, reaping up degrees to give them better positions and work. Some go foe challenges, battling the daily doses of insecurities with committment and perseverance. Some go for dubious acts to make themselves look better to others.

But having stripes doesn't make you a tiger. Having numerous degrees doesn't guarantee an intellectual genius. Having perseverance doesn't guarantee success all the time. Working immorally doesn't make one a role model as well.

A degree can give you a future so we have to pursue for one. Perseverance can lead and open opportunities while commitment to endeavours can make us successful. It takes some stripes to be what we want to be but it takes inner strength and belief, to be real.

Away From Home (March 6, 2008)

I have one girl in my class who is exceedingly great in many aspects. She is the eldest in the family and very independent. She often have things and ideas to share and she is indeed one of my very best.

The reason why I am blogging this student of mine is for me to remember her when I am much older. She reminds me of my relationship with my mum, moreso, with a child's relationship with their mothers.

It just so happen that her mum has to be away for work, meaning, her mum can't be with the family for quite some time. One afternoon, when she was picked up by her nanny, she bursted into tears and won't get in the car. She was crying out in the street and the nanny can't control her. I came out, carried her and gave her a hug. I asked the reason for the sudden outburst and she told me that she misses her mum. I gave her some assurance that she will, after some days (months to be exact) will have her mother by her side. I also gave her the assurance of an honest love from her teachers and friends until the day she'll leave us to follow her mother.

She left with her nanny and my heart was broken. I was so sad that afternoon and thought of the incident later at night. Children are children, they cannot tolerate long absence even if it means a few days. Besides, a mother is someone so special, they are in our minds all the time.

A child showed me the beauty and importance of my mum's presence. A mother is indeed irreplaceable.

Losing (March 4, 2008)

We know for a fact that everything in this world has to come to an end so we make ourselves ready. But when the time comes for those special moments to end, we lose our grip and start to cry. While counting the number of days, I am grieving each and every day as I anticipate the lost.

It could be the lost of a love one, the lost of a friend, the lost of a job, the lost of one’s soul and others. In facing the lost, we struggle to get things in order, making our lives back to normal. We try our best to face the world again and start anew. We do what we can.

In these trying times, what we need are the simple words of comfort from family and friends. We need to find ways to stand up victoriously from the lost. It is going to be difficult but there are ways. In these times of trials, God will always be there. I trust that God will be around when the lost comes.

Dancing (February 25, 2008)

Many years ago, I enrolled in a drama class just to be able to make good of my ever boring life and I loved every moment of it. I was very eager to attend classes and very enthusiastic to learn. My instructors were both well-known in the field of stage acting while my colleagues in the class were bubbly, free-spirited and joyful individuals. I was surrounded by good people. I was happy.

I long for that feeling, the feeling of being alive and ready to face the day. I long for the feeling where I get to meet people with the same interests, the same goals, and the same cravings for improvement. I long being with those wonderful people coming from different backgrounds and walks of life but share the same sentiment to the craft, a love for acting.

I wanted to be free again. I wanted to act again. I wanted to sing out loud and be happy. I wanted to dance with the wind.

Dance as though no one is watching you,

Love as though you have never been hurt before,

Sing as though no one can hear you...

Live as though heaven is on earth. (Souza)

Drama (February 23, 2008)

I do find being in situations where I get to be the antagonist sort of a movie role but my life is an unending television melo-drama. I get to be thrown into fire, showered with bucketful of water, ditched by the lead actress or brought in the center of a scandal. Very cinematic!

I am always taken for granted sort of the way moviegoers or television watchers perceived extras in both films and television shows. For then it is always the lead actor who is to get the best girl. It is always the lead actress who gets the bouquet, the praises and the leading men.

I am tired being thrown into bouts and bouts of disagreements and misunderstandings leading to despairs and frustrations. I had enough. I wanted to lead a life that is free, peaceful and happy.

On Dying (February 17, 2008)

We reach a certain pointing life that we feel it is over. There is this feeling of surrender. There is this feeling of giving up even if life’s journey is still ripe with opportunities and choices. There is always a point of exhaustion. There is always a saturation period. So sometimes we seek an end.

When things are not going very well, it is human nature to complain, to feel despair, to be disappointed. But when things are really going wayward, we think of surrendering, to the point of death.

When I was much younger, I always ask myself why I am less loved by people. I always ask why I am always losing the game. I always ask myself why others are successful but I continue struggling with life. I always think of ending my life.

However, death is not the answer to the problem. Maybe facing our fears and our struggles can help us better see how wonderful life is. Now that I am facing a better picture of my life, I always thank the Lord for giving me strength along the way.

Going Nowhere (February 15, 2008)

There are many things I wanted to do so I always dream. I am always cut short by lack of many things as well. I am lacking in resources. I am lacking in courage. I am lacking in guts. So I end up doing nothing.

I admire the many successful men and women of this century and past. There are men and women who had contributed much to the well-being of other people. There are men and women who had dedicated their lives for a better world.

I am getting older but my contributions are still little. I do hope that I get the courage to pursue higher ideals and act on them. I hope to find an inspiration, or a support. If not, I am going nowhere.