Getting to Know You 11

11th of a series, enjoy!

Genius talking.

Me: What's the long form of TV?
Students: Television!
Student 1: What's the long form of No?
Me: What?
Student 1: November full moon shine, Loy Krathong, Loy Krathong!

credits: www.seaboardbungalow.com

Me eavesdropping.
Girl Student: Will you marry me?
Boy Student: Yes, I will.
Girl Student: I decorated a chair and he told me it is beautiful. You know, we can marry and kiss each other. I will have a ring and you have one.
(Ahh, time is very different now!)

credits: www.confettidaydreams.com

One student behaving badly.
Student : If you are a bad person, you will be kicked out of your home and you get to live outside.  You'll be homeless!

credits: www.freeimages.com

One student leaving the country.
Me: Are you going to miss your friend?
Student: No, we can always FaceTime each other.

credits: www.getappsonpc.com

Working it out between two people.
Student: When two people cannot marry each other, they can be BFF.

credits: www.theodysseyonline.com

They know me well. 
While reading a sad book about death, I was about to cry when all of a sudden a girl child started saying to her friends.
Student: He is going to cry, he is going to cry...

credits: www.bustle.com

Who ordered pizza?
Me: Could you please help me fold a paper boat.
Assistant:  Sorry, but I am not good in oregano. 
Me: Hah?!?

credits: en.wikipedia.org

 Have a wonderful day everyone!

The Morning of Tuesday

8:00 AM, Immigration Office

Told to meet the office's personnel at 8 in the morning for visa processing and exactly eight I was there.  Mind you, I thought it was raining outside as when I arrived the building, I was very wet.  But digressing.

The person in charge from our office was there at 6:45 in the morning to line up but we were already like fifteen people behind the first applicant.  So I am guessing that the early birds came when I was still dreaming of ice cream back in my bedroom.

When I got Number 2 for queueing, I was ecstatic, as I am the second but my luck dissipated when passports upon passports were filed to oblivion as the deputy in-charge wasn't even there to sign the papers.  A match could actually burn the passports like a bonfire because of its sheer height.

There was a man pleading his case to the officer to let him do his business as he was wearing a tank top and shorts, add to that image a pair of rubber slippers. Do you ever think that doing business in Thailand is like visiting the beach at noon?  Nah, we also have what you call dress code, either very long or very short, he,he,he.

Later, it was mayhem, queque machines, all three, broken.

There were plenty of foreign people waiting patiently, for their turn to be called. Number 32, 33, 34!  Which sounds like numb-err tertee to, tertee tee, ther tee for! As even the automated number announcement machines were busted.

So we were given pieces of paper with a felt tip marked number on it, 35, sit down. 36, sit down. 37, sit down.  There were no more seats so saying sit down is pointless.  The hall is filled to the rafters, whatever it means!

I have to run to do some bathroom duties as I was afraid my name will be called.  In my haste, I entered the women's bathroom. Luckily I didn't see any 'pekpek'.  I was just reminded by the bathroom attendant that, 'this is girl toilet, not boy!'  I looked at her and apologized.  I could have retorted, how can you be so sure?  I even thought that this is it pansit, I will be deported because of loitering in the women's loo.

Anyway, I was called later and after all the other 'need to show your face' thingies, I had coffee and some donuts for my late morning snack.

And in the midst of all these madness, I was being courageous.  I opened my love and admiration to MY special someone.  And at 9:42 that morning, I became a new me, a happy me!

Beef? Sir

I never like airplane rides and I can list the many reasons why.  As a solo traveler, I am always relegated either at the end of the plane for seating arrangement or in the middle.  I would always ask for an aisle seat but still gets the last rows.

I did booked seats on line and have some opportunities to be seated near the middle part of the plane. Anyway, food is served not from the back but from certain seat numbers.  For the last five flights I had this year, I usually get nothing of a choice for food.  The flight attendants would apologize with a smile telling me there is no longer a choice, it's FISH we will be serving you.

I eat fish, but I don't like the smell of fish on board. I feel like throwing up. My nose is sensitive to certain smell while I am traveling. So when my fellow humans started opening the flap of their food, I am already busy stuffing my nose with an inhaler.  Quick, whip, sniff!

Then during my last flight I was already hearing the attendants to the passengers, 'We have beef or fish for lunch.'  OMG, here comes the food and since I am seated in the middle, I will get beef. I WILL GET BEEF!

Just one row before me, I can hear the attendant saying, 'Sorry, we have no more beef, we have fish.'  Shut the front door, I am going berseck.  

Just one row, one row of two more people. Goodness gracious, how unlucky I am of flights.  I better get out of here. Oh, it's a plane so I stayed calm.

Then the most handsome person in the world came with a tray of food of which the plate is covered with gold foil. Beef! Beef! I mean the food, not the man! He stopped in front of me. (Not really in front as there was a seat.)  LOL!

With a smile and those beautiful dreamy eyes, he said the most amazing words I have ever heard, 
'Would you like my beef, sir?" 
Oh sorry my friends, he meant, 
"Would you like beef, sir? " 
I gave him a smile rather than a jubilant jump for joy, which I cannot do because I am strapped by a seatbelt.

Slowly, I unwrapped the cover of the food tray and it was a miracle.  I have beef and I ate them all. I offered the other things to my fellow passenger/seatmate but she refused.  Then the ice cream came for dessert.  I peeled the cover and when I jabbed the wooden spoon in the ice cream, I couldn't dig in.  It was harder than plastic. My knight in shining armour came to the rescue and said, 
'It's really hard now, can you wait for it to melt a bit.'

Ha,ha,ha, duh to the 100th power. But all things end well with help from this wonderful young man, the man who gave me the last beef on flight PR 730. 

Getting to Know You 10

These conversations were between me and my students aged four and five except for the last one who is only three years of age. This is the tenth of a series. 


Teaching the children how to hold the dragon up for the dragon dance. 

Me:  You need to put your hands up because you will need to put something on your head. 
Student: I know, a brain! 
Me: I said, on, not in.
Student: Then it's hair!
Me: No!

depositphotos.com

Asking the children the illustrations they made.

Me: How come the sun have eyes and a mouth but the clouds do not?
Student: The clouds are blind.
Me: How did they become blind?
Student: God gave them pencils and they poked each other's eyes.

pinterest.com

Seeing two girls clasping their hands in prayer.

Me: What are you doing girls?
Girls: We are praying.
Me: What are you praying for?
Girls: The tree is dying, we are praying for it to be healthy again.

freecoloringpages.co.uk

Asking a child to sit down while working.

Me: Please sit down.  You do not look like you are working.
Student: Do I look like I am taking a bath?
Me (thinking): "Sarcasm at its finest!"

vecto.rs

Drawing pictures of animals.

Me: Could you please tell me something about your picture?
Student: I am drawing a bull. 
Me: Oh, that's a male cow. Do you know what we call a female cow? 
Student: Yes, a cowgirl. 

mycutegraphics.com

Asking a child the whereabouts of someone.

Me: Was Uncle in your house before you came here?
Student: No, she is in Auntie's house.
Me: How did you know?
Student: I saw it, I am not blind! 

123rf.com

Making funny faces to de-stress in class.

Student: Oh my God, that's disgusting! 

Asking individual students to read with me.

Me: B, it's time for reading.
Student: (whistling loudly)
Me: Could you please stop whistling.
Student: chu-chee-beep-bop. (started beat boxing)
Me: Save me Lord!

cadeh.com

Playing with Playmobile figures.

Me:  So what do we play today?
Student: We can put this person inside the cup and cover him up.
Me: Why are you doing that?
Student:  I am going to cremate him.
Me: Wow! ( as the boy is only 3 years old)

The Bird Saga Continues...

Remember the saga of the birds in my attic, now let me start again by saying, "WT!!!"  Is it happening again?  What is wrong this time?"

I usually go home late because I have many things to tend to.  So in one unusual day I came in earlier, I walked around the garden and looked up to see whether the hole is open again.  There are still a lot of pigeons lurking but I do not see anything peculiar so I dismissed it.

But still, there is something amiss.  It was the smell of a dead rat.  I am familiar with that smell as I lived in an old house when I was young and we had plenty of terminated rodents from my shooting spree.  Yup!  I was an avid fan of the air rifle and I spend late nights waiting and hunting for them but I am digressing. 

I looked under the bed, over the dressers, and in corners rarely visited by my vacuum cleaner.  There was none!  OMG!  It must be coming from the attic. When once a playground of homeless pigeons, I thought that one had been missed and left there to die.  Pitiful bird but pitiful tenant.  The smell is killing me!

Mind you, the room is used as my dressing room so all my clothes are in there. And when I say clothes, I mean a heap full!  Not that I am collecting, but I never throw anything away even if the shirt is old, worn, and tattered.  I have an issue, got it! Ok, I am away from my topic again. 

So with my nosey nose, I pretended to be a dog and sniffed all corners, sides, and locations.  It wasn't visually appealing so no photographs.  It wasn't under my suitcases, nor in the corners of the room, and unsure whether it was coming from above.  I thought heaven smells good so in my logic, it isn't from above but from below.

Now here comes stupidity, or mere miscalculation.  Whenever I open the door, the pungent smell is so heavy that I had left the windows opened, which was never opened for ten years. Crash! Ka-blag! Nah, it didn't fall. Off topic!

Sorry, the smell my friends is coming from the door for in between is...

a GECKO!  Poor creature,  Grandpa Jonathan is now either into herpetology, roadkill or doorkill to be exact or into pressing them to make bookmarks, want one?

Getting to Know You 9

Me by JT

Amazingly funny and ridiculously rude, these are some of the moments in class and outside the classroom. 

Student: I don't know how to draw a girl!
Me: Why don't you think of your sister.  She's a girl and she's pretty.
Student: She's not pretty but I can draw her.


Me:  I know you have a big house.
Student: I know, we have lots of money! 
Me quiet. 


Me: You use them for walking and you put your shoes on them.
Student: I know, foot!
Me: But we have two, what is the correct word for it? 
Student: Foots! 


Me: What did you see along the way coming to school? 
Student 1: I don't know, I don't look outside the window.
Student 2: I don't know.
Me: Fair enough, let me change the question.  What did you eat for breakfast?
Student 2: Rainbow! 
Me: Where is this going? 


Me: Can you write something in a full sentence.
Student: Fine! You are an asshole!
Me: Shut the Front Door!


Student: I have many houses in my candies.
Me: HUH?


And the biggest HUH! 

Me:  If you had saved money to buy yourself a Christmas present, 
       what would it be? 
Grade One student: A dildo! 
Me: WHAT?!?!?!


Leaving you my dear readers to think whether you also want it or not for Christmas as my student might know where to get one for you.  Have a nice day! 

Getting to Know You 8

Getting to Know You is a series of classroom bloopers and inspiring comments from my students.  I got a thousand but because I do not write them all then I forget, my bad. And for those that I remember, I share them to you.  Here are some of my favourites:





Teacher: When I had my cast taken out, I told the doctor that I love him.
Student: Why? Is he handsome?


Teacher:  Vegetables are good for us.
Student:  No, I cannot eat green stuff because I will turn green.


Teacher: How come everybody got a stamp on their arms except him?
Student: He has them but you cannot see them because he is dark.


Student: I like eating apple sauce.
Teacher: How do you eat it?
Student: With a spoon.


Teacher: What do you think is happening to our tree?
Student A: It's dying because it's old.
Teacher: How about me, I'm old, am I dying?
Student B: Yes, you will die but not now.  You will die LATER!


Student C: I want to die now!
Teacher: Why do you say that?
Student C: I want to die now so I can be in Jesus' house.


And my favourite from a child I tutor-

Reading a sentence-  The children studied their lessons for a test.
Student: What does stu died mean?

It means condolences to stu family, sorry!

Have a nice day!

Off to Sisaket!

Bike for Dad along Highway 24

It was surprising to learn that we will have a Friday off because of the BIke For Dad event organized in Thailand where people get to ride their bicycle and tour the cities in honour of the King's birthday. And because I have no bike, I decided to leave the city and went hundreds of kilometres away from Bangkok to escape boredom in a car. 


And as I had been most province in the North and West, I decided to try going Northeast.  When I do travel, I make it a point to just eat noodles because they are not so heavy in the stomach. But this time, it was different because the restaurant I ended visiting served two of my fave dishes, Som Tam (papaya salad) and chicken, eaten with sticky rice. 

Fried Duck Beaks

Chicken, Som Tam and Sticky Rice

I managed to eat all of the salad and had a taste of the duck's beak.  I wasn't sure which part of the beak I am supposed to eat so I asked.

I arrived the province of Sisaket after a long nine hours ride and though I wanted to stay at the national park, all bungalows were occupied.  Found a home stay where I was immediately devoured by allergies because of the diversity of smell surrounding me.

Some of the beauties I saw during stop-overs.

As the room was right in front of a restaurant, the many spices and dried food displayed struggled violently with the smell of the room and the bathroom giving me a non stopped encounter with the box of tissues.  My allergy meds didn't work till I went to bed. At 4:48 am, I was awakened by the barking dog then at 5:07, the roosters started crowing.  It was a cacophony of sounds worthy of a kill. Argh!!!!

I had coffee and left the place to finally take a trip to Khao Phra Viharn National Park. It was a worthy visit for the mountainous region gave me a glimpse of the neighbouring country Cambodia. I specifically wanted to see Prasart Khao Phra Vihan but the park gave no permission for us to cross over. This sanctuary once belonged to Thailand but after a ruling, the sanctuary belongs to Cambodia until now.  I stood right where the mountainous borders of both countries visibly surrounded by armed soldiers. I could see the Wat or temple from a distance using powerful binoculars provided within the premises. 

Prasart Khao Phra Vihan from a distance

Barb wires, hideouts, Bas relief sculptures and stick art
surround the area.

From near and far, a beauty to behold.

Tiring yet fulfilling and lucky that I get to see another part of the country in a very, short time. Time to visit another one!

A Night Before Christmas

It was after dinner when all the family members were seated in the living room watching a television show.  It wasn't as interesting so the father suggested of playing cards.  The four members of the family played with gusto and they were laughing together as jokes were shared.

The other two members were quietly playing with their toys at the side since they were still young.  Aged four and eight at that time, both were not oblivious to the noises coming from the card players.

Then all of a sudden and out of nowhere came a big crashing sound.  It was coming from the back of the house.  All stood up and rushed down the stairs fearing the life of the only dog they had at that time.

courtesy of www.cockeyed.com

The entire wooden fence was smashed and fallen.  
A small truck came to a halt when it banged into the fence of the house.  Apologetic in tone and humble in demeanour, the driver came out unscathed and spoke profusely, that all will be paid for, damages and inconvenience.





When they all went back to the living room, the face of relief can be seen on the father's face.  It wasn't because the fence will be fixed in no time nor the man was kind enough to offer assistance.  It was because the family had no money and the monetary offer of the truck company was more than enough to have the fence fixed thus some money left for Christmas eve.

It will be Christmas soon and the father was more worried of how he could provide a good meal to celebrate the coming holiday. It will also be his wife's birthday and the thought of having nothing to offer was giving him much stress.

The fence was mended and the problem was solved.  It wasn't as hearty as past years' celebrations but still it became a joyous and a very memorable one, filled with humour and a story that can be told over and over again!

What a Day-saster!

I had a health check up in a hospital that I frequent and what a day! I believe in being on time because it is an impression that people will have of you so I was there at 8. After all the necessary documentations and lah lah lah, I was asked to have my blood taken.  While waiting, a group of four people came ten minutes after me and guess what happened next. They were called in first!

Knowing me when I am the epitome in school on how people should never cut lines, I was furious.  So the test for my high blood pressure skyrocketed and the nurse was asking me if this was ordinary.  Yeah Miss! Wanna rub it in? Then because of my splitting headache, I couldn't read any of the numbers on the board.  I was able to read the number 5 as it was projected on the screen about three inches big.

Then I heard the names called for x ray examination and I was in the middle pile, after two persons. When we proceeded to the exam room,  I was called last again. God knows how difficult it was for them to pronounce my name, JO- NHUH-THUN!

I was so pissed that I went to the International Relations Services for translations and complaints.  After some breathing exercises in front of a beautiful lady who speaks English, I decided to have their 'free' healthy meal before going on my next hurdles.  There were no seats available, no spoons and appalling breakfast of cereal and milk of which I have an intolerance to. I wonder if I could actually mix my coffee or tea with my finger and sue them for burn.

I left the hospital and devoured on McDo breakfast meal of Sausage McMuffin with egg plus coffee. Heavenly grease and arteries clogging combination for stroke and Alzheimer. Phew! Another trip to a hospital in the future.

As they needed a urine analysis, they gave me a plastic bottle to fill. I could have filled the small bottle with beer as my urine sample so as I be labelled alcoholic. So after filling it with my very own liquid waste, off for my eye and dental exams.  I hope they both check my eyes because it says, eye exam.

While waiting for my name to be called, I received a call from the same hospital asking my whereabouts.  I told the person on the other line that I was on the third floor, just two floors below where I was earlier.  Then I was told I will never be called because I do not have the correct papers with me, what the 'pack'! If the translator didn't follow me, I will be typing this in the hospital because I ended staying there for a night.

The results of the tests were scheduled at one in the afternoon and of course as it was a day-saster day, the doctor came in late and I was finally called at 2:10. Some more checks from Dr. Tardy and the verdict: normal with everything except for less intake of carbohydrates and sweets.

Sigh, after my most memorable Sunday escapade at the hospital, I went to the nearest mall and bought jellies, bread with mayo and pork floss, and roast pork with butter bread. Yum! Did I say I listened?

'Pack' this Benign Positional Vertigo I am experiencing!

P.S. The kind lady was named Fah and she helped me throughout. Fah is literally translated as heaven and she was angel sent. I gave her a bar of dark chocolate as a token of appreciation. 

Choice of the Day

It only took four months for me to visit Kanchanaburi again.  I was actually in Sangkla Buri but I couldn't find any accomodation because it was a Thai holiday. I was on the road for 12 hours going and then returning back just beacuse I needed a place to rest for the night.  It was nine in the evening and the road along the mountainside was pitch dark.  It was a nightmare travelling to a destination that you are unsure of and cannot see.

It was so good to finally see some lights and as we were about to give up, we finally reached our destination called Ban Phasawan Resort.  I do not really care where I will be settled for the night as I was indeed so tired from the journey.

The morning was different because I could still hear the water from the nearby river of the hut where I was staying.  The water lilies that adourned the top of the water was picture perfect so was also the surrounding area of the resort.

This was one of my featured resort in June when I visited Thong Pha Pum.  I saw this resort from a distance but now, I am inside. There were fruits and vegetables all over.

Pick your choice.

Kung mahilig ka sa amoy, dito ka!

Kung malabo mata mo, kailangan mo ito!

Kung mahilig kang dumura, dito ka!

Kung "mahilig" ka naman, dito ka!

Kung mayaman ka, dito ka bagay!

Kung gusto mo ng kiliti, eto ang sa yo!

Kung medyo may edad ka na, in na in!

Kung feeling foreigner ka, dito ka nararapat!

Kung makati ka naman, dito ka.

Kung ikaw si Malakas, nandiyan si Maganda!

Kung masakit kang magsalita, bagay sa iyo ito.

Kung babae ka, dito ka na!

Of Birds and Men

Right after a day of bird searching and then living in the illusion that all of the birds left their abode, which is my house, came a never-ending debacle with sounds and smell.  Exactly 5:45 of every morning, their cooing continued to haunt me in my sleep and in the early morning.

I had this feeling that they were either still there or were back because of the smell of poop that permeated one of the closed room.  This couldn't be but the birds were definitely back, not lurking outside but nesting inside the ceiling once again.

So on a Saturday morning, a curious walk around the house was needed. Lo and behold, between two wooden slab on the roof's wall was a discreet gap for these stubborn birds.  Though the gap was small, the birds poked their heads in, squeezed their pliable bodies and zoomed in and out inside the ceiling.

Immediately, I called the men who came some weeks ago to cover the window glass but this time, their job was far challenging than the previous one.  From the previous two came four men and they immediately took the pressing matter on hand.  All went up the second floor of the house equipped with nothing but curiosity as well.  Later, one of them borrowed a ladder and later used it to peek his head above the gypsum board.

All he did to probably see the birds was with his shoo, shoo sounds.  It was hysterical because I could do the same.  No amount of shoo shoo will actually shoo them unless it was accompanied by a gun or a blasting stereo. Something has to be done!

So climbed the three men up the ceiling and chased the birds away.  I asked them if brooms could help but they were short and useless. (The broom I mean, not the men.) One of the men walked away and came back with longer sticks.  Now, each man had a stick of his own waving it back and forth and with the constant shouting made all the birds clustered in fear in one corner of the roof, TRAPPED!

Then one of them started grabbing a bird or two and handed them to the next person.  Then the last person in line took them to set them free, outside the house and not inside, LOL!  There were almost thirty pigeons and catching them one by one became more of a feat of balance, stamina, and patience.  It was hot out there under the roof.  I am all giddy to see the scene and be there but I cannot fit in the small gap.  I wasn't strong enough to lift myself, walk on the beam and catch those pesky fliers. Darn, I am getting fat! 

When the birds were being released one by one, I curiously asked if the gaping hole was mended as I have an instinct that the evicted were just returning back by doing a u-turn. Duh! The look on the man's face was telling me to shut up, LOL!

When everything was done and chaos gave way to silence, I asked the lead worker whether the birds could be eaten.  He answered with a yes and looked at the last bird he was holding as he left the door.  So what are you going to do with the last one? I asked.  Then, he let it go!

I Spy

Twas a busy Saturday not because of my weekend tutorials but because of something pressing.  For weeks, I had been having trouble sleeping after six in the morning as I was always awakened by cooing sounds coming from the outside, of which I was mistaken.

As I live in a two storey house, I knew that my garden and the trees that surround were perfect for birds to settle in and thus became the home of these pigeons. But the cooing sounds were no longer blocked by the walls but it was emanating from the top.  Lo and behold, they had permanently made my ceiling a nesting ground.  Their cooing and coo-coo sounds were making me cuckoo.

So on this particular Saturday, two helpers came to fix the hole where the pigeons made as their door. A glass window broke thus making it accessible for the birds to go in and out at their wimps.  As the man was about to close the broken glass, I asked whether he can still see pigeons and he assured me that they were gone to probably look for food. 

I wasn't the trusting one so armed with a ladder, I took the liberty of pushing the gypsum boards in each room of the house to take a peek of whether they were still there or not.  I was being the spy one, lurking through crevices for clues or discoveries.  And when I did not see any flying birds, I gave the go signal to finally seal the window. 

I was filthy afterwards.  The dust, the ashes and the whatchamacallit thingies were on my head, my face, my shoulders, and all over my clothes.  And to think that I paid two workers to do the job but they left my house still tidy and clean.  I could have asked them to shower me, LOL!

Lesson learned: Have trust! Ha,ha,ha!

Froi's Lobster Award

I was tagged a year ago by three bloggers with the same award but I made my post different as to the original.  This time, I am sticking to what I was asked of, though I won't be making any tags or questions since I only have a handful of readers and they were already tagged. 

Thank you Mr. Froi for the tag and nomination.  May the force be with you.

Here are his questions:

1. If by some chance you turned into a talking toad, what are you going to do aside from talking?

Since I am now a toad, I might as well hop around, eat flies, scare people, and float on the pond with no worries.

2. What Filipino food best describe your love life today?

Leche Plan, nagkaleche-leche plano ko sa buhay nang dumating ka!

3. You turned into a talking toad but can only blurt 6 words.  What are you going to say and to whom are you going to say it?

I am going to say it to the one who turned me into a toad, "Tae ka, turn me or else!!!!"

4. Aside from world peace and forever, what are you going to wish if a genie grants a wish?

Sir Genie, puwede mo bang ibalik papa and mama ko?

5. What are you going to do if you were trapped on an elevator with the man/woman of your dreams for 24 hours?

I have no dream person, kahit sino na lang. "Miss, puwede ka ba?" "ikaw sir?"
"Ako pa, choosy?"

6. What obscure English words best describe you?  (Give three with definition please.)

(I need to google this question, seriously!)

Hygge - a word which is sort of a combination of friendliness, coziness and warmth

Hiraeth - means something like a homesickness to a home you can never return

Fusty - old-fashioned

7. If you are going to change the scientific name of human beings, what would it be and why?

Homo sinapian since a lot of people are like zombies.  Most are into their cell phones, laptops and computers checking their FB, mails, instagram, and others, no more physical interaction. 

8. What facial feature of a person appeals to you the most? (exclude the eyes, nose, lips and teeth.)

Okay, I am now left with cheeks, dimples, facial hair, ears, eyebrows and eyelashes.... I am taking eyelashes as it would be admiring to see them fan up and down while chatting. 

9. What is your favorite '90s TV program?

Friends! 

10. How are you going to react if you were crowned the titleholder of a prestigious international male/female pageant? Show your reaction using a gif.