Leaving With Many

I was always told that I am stern and uninteresting that's why I was never invited to parties since I don't drink as well. I was speaking with a friend and he asked me if I have difficulties connecting with people. I honestly said yes but he didn't believe me. I shared my experiences in the Netherlands to a cousin of mine and he told me that I am so friendly with everyone, including strangers. Like a magnet, I meet opposites.

I visited Puerto Princesa in Palawan, a pristine island in the Philippines and I expected nothing. It was a sort of escape from the noises of the city and the burdening problems at home. It was like an escape from reality.

There were many factors that ruined my stay: late departure, miscommunication with the hotel pick-up, sorry state of my hotel room, and the bad weather. But this entry is not about my complaints, it is about the experience and the memories of the trip.

I met Mark, the trike driver who gave me a brief background of the city. Since I was alone, I dragged him for dinner and told him to stay put and he did. That was one superb dinner at Saris Barrio. I met Marissa and her school mate Virgie along with her two children Alexandre and Marie Claire. What an excellent group! I am grateful for the generosity and kindness showered by the the two children for helping me out during the snorkeling trip, as well as during the fish feeding fancy. I met Ernie, a father and former instructor who stayed put in Palawan after being in Manila since birth, and whose story is quite inspirational. I met Norris and Vincent, who became our tour guides and learned a bit of something from each. Along with the numerous trike drivers, boatmen and hotel staff, I went back home with a smile.

Being alone had some disadvantages but the richness of the trip made me see that I am not what people perceive me as stern and uninteresting. I was told the opposite. I made friends and became a different me.

My Summer Visit

I left worried and in distress as to what I will see and hear. The stories were in different details, told by different people and interpreted in many different ways. To make things clear, I have to hear them straight from the people involved and I did. I became a master weaver as I put the minute details one by one as to create a big picture of what is happening and where we are going. There is a pressing problem.

With all the stress, I was invited by relatives and friends in many places, posh to be exact. I walked the grounds of McKinley Hills and Eastwalk for lunch, Serendra for merienda, Ayala Triangle and Baywalk for dinner, World Resort for window shopping and Bonifacio High Street for some toys. I attended a small gathering among friends in a Shanghai themed restaurant, a birthday celebration at Kimpura in Greenbelt, a church service at the Chapel of St. Pio, some Starbucks' visits and local eateries to mention a few. I am grateful for the invites and the treats and I appreciate all the generosity of my friends and relatives.

With all the stress, I see my brothers and sister work out as one. We may have our differences but we are doing what closest kins should do, cooperate. I see and appreciate the help extended by my sisters in law plus the warm suggestions of one of our trusted helpers. I am silent to their growing animosity towards my father but hoping that all will be well in the end. The tension is mounting through time but alas, our common goal will be met, and that is, to get out of this rubble.

I was on the plane yesterday and for the first time in my life, I cried and cried on board. I remembered my mom whom I gave a tight embrace the night before. She was sobbing profusely saying, "Do not abandon me, do not abandon me." It was also the first time we gave our farewells with such emotions that I am crying while writing this entry.

You never read this mom but with all sincerity, I am not abandoning anyone, I am making a life to be with all of you again in the future. You are my family, including my closest friends, and that I will go back home saying, "I am here to stay."

(Special thanks to the following people: my SSHS friends, the Ku family, the Co family, the Gonzales couple, Mel, and my CCP friends)

Fallen

"They're so pretty.", remarked one child as one day we gazed up and found those rose apples hanging like bells from the sky. There were also some showers of petals as each and every bloom starts to grow as fruit.

"They're rotten inside." cried one of the assistants in school when she let some children try to cut open a fallen rose apple. She was right indeed.

"What a beauty!" as I gasped at the scene unfolded to me when I was in a hurry to go back home for my next teaching job. The rose apples were taken off the tree, falling in clusters, hitting the hard floor and ending up on the ground lifeless and unappreciated. Yet, the spread in front of me was something to behold. I found it to be interesting, more of an artwork, laid before me like an installation of life and its destiny. I grabbed my camera and took a last shot of what was to be swept and thrown away.

Sometimes when we walk through the streets and see the sad plight of the poor begging for alms, I recognize their will to survive. When the garbage truck passes by the school or my house in the mornings, I took their labour as a show of strength amidst the foul smell. When I watch one child fall or cry for being hurt, I see it as a learning experience for that person. When I am beset with problems, money or work related, I cry to relieve myself of the stress and let myself stand up again.

There will always be something to see in others and there are always good things to appreciate. Though I may not be as good as others, I try my best to be one. I am a rose apple and I am not perfect. Whatever that makes me less is not a sign of weakness. It is the fuel that makes me better.

A rotten rose apple cannot be eaten, but some can be saved. A loser cannot always win but he can have chances. A poor man cannot be rich overnight but he can strive. A lost soul cannot see the light but he can be guided. And for me who is always broken, there will always be healing.