Being Validated

When I was much younger, I always looked into rewards and this was the reason why I studied harder and made good grades. I wasn't into toys or new shoes or anything fancy. The reward I asked for is to be recognized, to be validated. I was, until I landed fourth in class one year and all the negative comments I heard made me stopped pursuing honours. I just studied, still passed with flying colours and even received a scholarship after university but made no effort to be rewarded.

When I started earning money, I reward myself by collecting books since they will be my companions as a teacher and my source of income as well when I do tutorials. I have a huge collection now ranging from award winners to books that are no longer being published. The parents of my students knew about my collection and there had been some years that I get additional books to add to my growing library or some gift certificates to purchase books I don't have and I am happy.

I had never craved for anything luxurious and whatever comes in my way, I received heartily. The best gifts I received were that of greetings and thank you cards and drawn pictures of my students. The most generous were longer letters validating my existence as a teacher and being a great mentor to their children. I have them all with me, kept safe.

I appreciate small things such as a phone call from a friend when I was about to be wheeled to the operating room. I cried when one of my best buddies baked me a special cake during my birthday. I was in tears when the children and parents of my class last year gave me a special book about "Me in the Eyes of the Children". I was fleeting in glee when someone acknowledged my presence and extended a smile. I am touched when a friend called to ask my whereabouts and condition during this great flood crisis in Thailand. These small things, I treasure.

I am grateful to my sister and aunt who had been in contact during these past weeks as well as with some friends and acquaintances who had shown their concerns. For me, it acts as a catalyst to further assure myself that someone out there is still my friend. I didn't ask for treasures because it will just make my journey a heavy one. What I bring will be treasured memories and encouraging words to validate that I am Jonathan, the only one.