Difficult

I was once told by an acquaintance that I will not be happy if I do not know what I really want and what I am to search for. Until now, those words had been true as I do not know where I am heading. Many had come and left and had built lives of their own. Knowing them, I was not far behind and I was even one or more notches better. But to compare their lives and mine, they had gone several notches while I still live in oblivion.

I had fallen in love many times but I wasn't lucky enough to be granted reciprocity. It was indeed sad throughout but I had learned to accept what was for me and what were not. Yet in the long span of circumstances that goes round and round, I still have to learn from those lessons.

Last holidays, I finally met the face behind the words that I had been admiring for a year now. It was a great meet yet it was the most awkward situation I had ever been into. I couldn't retreat to silence so as to admire the beauty in front of me as I was being questioned constantly. The meeting was short but the longing still mingles around my soul.

God knows how much drama I put myself for this meet, preparing for a long haul, and flagellating myself because this is all wrong. It was wrong so I opted for the memories of that short meet- the voice, the smiles, and the polite expressions. A present was given to me to remember our friendship and I will treasure that forever.

I haven't learned any lessons of the heart and all I do is to collect memories. Though now it is sinking in that I am just craving for attention and it was granted, I succumb to something difficult. I do not seek for an exchange of affection but I just wanted to write the moment as a reference. It is indeed a long winding road but I will find the end.

Since I wrote this almost a year ago, I finally found the answer. There are some things not meant to be. They come to our lives to enrich it. They come to our lives like a stone thrown in the water. In stillness, then ripples, then calmness unperturbed. And suddenly gone.