Not Funny

I was reading a book to my students when suddenly two of the girls started giggling. I stopped as I was reading a serious part of the story where the girl was crying and telling her grand mom about the situation. I asked the girls the reason for the giggling and they said, "The story is sad but your face is funny."

I was in a play many years ago and I enjoyed that moment of my life where I get to play multiple roles and be seen by my students and people I work with. It was a blast afterwards. I walked around the school campus and everyone would just remarked, "Great job! You were so funny!"

I met a person years ago and he enjoys my company so much not because of the wisdom I could impart but because I give him the most funny faces ever as answer to his illogical remarks and observations. I remember him asking me to do the face over and over again. "Please do it, you look so funny!"

I could have been a clown, working in a circus and surrounded by many people. I could have been an entertainer or a comedian in a cafe bar because of my wit and sense of humour. I could be an emcee because of my quick remarks and banters.

My life is not a carnival of events. It is a facade. I may be puckered up and painted with a giant smile on my face but I am always hurting inside. Just like a comedian who has the knack to make people laugh, I am but a simple person whose dark moments shine during quiet times. I am also beset with worries. Just like the emcee whose life is probably filled with excitement and news, I am but a print whose relevance is only at the moment.

Despite the funny face I can muster, I am the complete opposite when I am alone. I cry watching movies when I hear words of wisdom about family, about friendships, and about love. I simply dismiss togetherness seen when I spend dinner time at food courts. I walk without stop when I visit markets passing groups of friends or people being together. I choose to stay home rather than socialize because I am tired to share.

I lost something along the way. I long for something I don't have or had missed. I am born different. I am a paradox and a master of disguise. Simply put, the things in my life are not fun and not funny at all.