Another First

I am feeling uneasy with the acid reflux I am experiencing for some time now so I opted to find the reason by having an ultrasound done. The result was quite alarming at first but because of the prospect of a non-invasive procedure, I chose to take medications to ease the pain.

The medicines work for a while but recently, the burning sensation in my chest rendered me sleepless for two nights. I went back to the doctor who suggested endoscopy and another one who recommended an immediate surgery. It was disorienting to hear them talk as images of an operating table, blood, incision were racing through my fertile mind.

I remember asking my doctor how long will the incision be and when he answered with, "three days!" I was baffled. I asked if I could do some exercise after the operation and the answer was, "stomach press!" and soon I was swimming in confusion. I raced out of the emergency room and demanded an interpreter so as to be clear of all the things I heard.

I got one and after a long discussion, I went home with weak knees. I took some weeks off from work so that I could take care of my health and decided to undergo the surgery. Today, help came in heaps from the hospital staff. They are very supportive and even appreciate my jokes.

A friend called and I told her that I am enjoying the view of Koh Samed (an island resort in Thailand) right outside my window. I mentioned as well that I am going to have a baby girl through Cesarean section. I have to be in high spirits because I am alone and will have to face another first all by myself.

When I was wheeled at the operating room this morning for endoscopy carrying my bag of extra clothes, I was bombarded by questions. "Are you alone?" "No family or friends?" The nurses were actually amazed that I brought myself to the hospital without any companions, bags and all. The nurses started to offer their support and I shed some tears. I cried not because I was afraid but because I pity myself.

The surgery will be done in a couple of hours as I type this entry and all I am doing is drilling in my mind the words of encouragement and support I am getting from my colleagues in school and from the parents of my students. And when this surgery is done, I'll be back as the strong person again.

I will remember the people who showered me with kindness and support: Dr. Siriwan, Dr. Chairat, Amika, Nattawan, K. Noina, K. Ann, K. Porn, K. Noi and others from Nonthavej hospital; Corinna and the people from my school; the parents of my students in my special tutoring classes such as Voon and Vaan, Motto, Mind and Mint, Tabby and Bambi, and Elle; and friends like Wasan, Pong and Rommel and a special mention to my sister J.

In a way I am bless because I have the resources to care for my well-being and the love of the people that surrounds me. Believe me, it is difficult to be alone in this world but it is more difficult to live without anyone and anything to hold.