Where Do I Go From Here?

While speaking with my friend on the phone, I mentioned to her I am ready to post my blog entry entitled Sunset of My Life. She asked me what it was about and I told her it is about the end, death to be exact. That I am ready to go and that I have done what I think I should have accomplished. She agreed with me telling me that in her case, she also feel that she is ready to say goodbye as well.

Some weeks ago, I read Unplog's post about tunnels and I it dawned on me that there were some things described in his entry that exemplified my thoughts and decisions in life followed by a question of reaching the end, the light. 

For I do not know what the light is. Interpretations can be given as to what the final destination will be. So when I decided to become a teacher and then I am one now, does it mean I found my destiny. If I wanted to marry and then had a great family, is that the light I needed to pursue. If being rich and successful is my final end, then do I still need to look for more?

I try to be well spread when it comes to my experiences in life. Travel had been a priority when I first boarded an international flight to Xiamen to visit my relatives in China. After that week long watching Chinese Operas, ribbon cutting ceremonies and eating sumptuous lunches and dinners, I decided that being in one place is not my cup of tea. I needed to constantly move, not as a nomad, but someone who wanted to travel and see the world and I did.

I try to inject meaning to my life. My love life had been colourful yet unbelievably sad where each relationship either did not start well or ended instantly. It had always been my fault. I fall out of love as fast as I fall in. 

My community services had been well established since I became a teacher. I was doing rounds teaching disadvantaged children at Missionary of Charity in Tondo, Philippine General Hospital for bedridden children and in a small charitable institution in Pandacan. They did not make me materially rich but they made me a wealthy person, experience wise.

My teaching experiences had been wide in scope as I had the opportunity to teach children from 2 to 16 years old. My best years were the years spent with the younger groups of children. My long service as a teacher had given me  opportunities to represent the country, to head a department, to co-author curriculum, to give speeches, and to conduct workshops to different groups of individuals, most notably when I volunteered for three days to conduct art sessions to 30 children with down syndrome, unassisted.

I have met many people from around the globe through my travels and through my work. My close friends come from Chile, Peru, Spain, Armenia, Austria, Portugal, India, America, Malaysia, Singapore, Australia, the Philippines and in other parts of the world. 

My high school buddies had been my support all through these years. I have a few close work colleagues where I learn a great deal about life in general. The families of my students had supported me in my career and they had been generous with their words and encouragements. I owe many of my successes to the people around me.

With these summaries of my life, I do feel that I am done. My everyday musings had been redundant. My everyday movements had been robotic. My everyday thoughts had been programmed. I now live saying let the day simply start and end, for I am tired.