Commemorating

While seated inside the plane, he was oblivious from the noise of the flight attendants serving drinks. His mind was that of blankness though it was filled with deep sorrows and regrets. "Would you like some drinks, sir?" asked the lady but she received no answer. A meaningless smile and a little nod were all he mustered.

Tears were running down his cheeks as he continuously hear what his mother had been pleading. "Do not abandon me, do not abandon me." were repeatedly playing in his mind. Those last steps from the house where he came from were the last prints he planned of leaving. There was no going back. It was his final goodbye.

As the plane touched down at the airport of his destination, the announcement of safe arrival did not even ring anything. With quick steps but with a heavy heart, he proceeded to the arrival area and hailed a cab. Albeit older than the rest of the cabs parked and waiting for passengers, he boarded and anxiously awaited to reach his house, which is now his home. 

For more than a year, there were no phone calls or e-mails exchanged between him and his family. There was total silence. Communication had never been a household name, it was always business like, so hearing from no one is a common thing.

Then one morning, he received numerous calls from his phone with numbers unfamiliar to him. He ignored them as he was busy with his work but one message triggered him to stop. It said, "Please call home ASAP!"

There were goosebumps all over his body. It was very peculiar why on that specific day, he chose to turn on his phone. Normally, it is off for the whole morning and afternoon. The goosebumps turned into shock, and then waves of tears and sobbing. He asked for a leave of absence and was brought home to collect himself.

The next day, he boarded a plane to go back to see his family. The plane trip was only less than four hours but it was agonizing. The same feeling he had when he last left was felt, though a bit heavier. It wasn't going to end. It was just the beginning.

And on that particular night, he went to visit his mom. Dressed in white, he entered the room while a Catholic mass was going on. When he took small steps to sit in front, all eyes were on him and the silence was deafening. It was only the chanting of the priest that filled the room. A pat on the back, a timid smile, a nod were exchanged with each other as they looked into each other's eyes. 

When the priest called the family to bless his mom, that's when he bursted into tears. It wasn't a show of grief, it was a feeling of regret. A much needed apology for leaving his mom for a long time. 

My mom carried me in her womb for nine months, and maybe some more years in her arms as I was growing up. I know she loved me dearly. Circumstances in the house forced me to leave and when I took that brave step, I decided to stand on my own and lead a better life. Though I had few days in a year to see and chat with her, it wasn't enough. All that remained are the great memories I have of her, and those will be cherished for a lifetime. 

This is written to commemorate her first death anniversary. Wherever you are, you are truly loved.