I grew up as a very quiet person and this might surprise people as they know me as the funny and energetic one. It is probably a mask I am wearing all the time. For the smiles are not always a sign of being happy. Those wide eyes and stingy smiles are reflections of the pain inside, albeit, well-hidden.
There are things that I cherish most and one of them is my past: where I grew up, where I lived, where I studied and where I became aware of life's atrocities and surprises.
I remember the room where I was staying in our former home. It wasn't a big one, fitted with a small bed and table for writing or doing artworks, it was cramped and dark. I have my stacks of books in two bookcases, one bookcase inherited from my relatives and the other, custom-made by one of our workers at home to fit in the small space.
I transferred to a smaller space as my brother took ownership of the room when he got married. After a year or two in a smaller and darker enclosure, it was time to leave my turf and I did.
After all the many years I had been out of the country, I still look into going back to where I came from. Going back to where I grew up is still calling me every time I get to visit Manila, even if our old house is no longer there.
I believe that if I look back to my past, life or whereabouts, I will live the memories that made me a person that I am and the experiences that I learned from growing up in one humbling place.
Everyone will embark on their life's journey just like you.
ReplyDeleteThose who have suffered at the start often triumphed later in life.
You have come a long way and should be contented that you can now walk firmly on the grounds with chin up and live confidently with the world under your thumbs.
I am happy with my life today and I just met up with an old friend 2 nights ago to hear his heart breaking stories. His wife left him with the young kids and his career also went down the drain. I didn't tell him that he was an arrogant monster when he was younger.
Your words of wisdom is often remarkable knowing you are very young. It is your maturity that makes your comment something to think about. You have done the best by not saying anything to your friend. Sometimes, someone only needs somebody to listen to their woes and any judgement can be shared later. And even the most difficult souls have something that shine in them.
ReplyDeleteSabi nga nila the saddest people are those who often smile the brightest...
ReplyDeleteJust like you Sir meron din parts ng childhood ko na gusto kong balik balikan
yun yung mga times na may sarili akong mundo at di ko pa alam ang meaning ng stress ^_^
Roots...it is a great feeling revisiting the past, but only to learn from mistakes, if any, and enjoying again the wonderful events but never to regrow the weeds of bitterness, hatred, bad experiences and the like...
ReplyDeletePeriodically declutter our minds...
Bro, good post...,
Your post almost made me cry. I usually find myself in this nostalgic moment too. But I guess we have to accept that we need to move on with life and experience new things. I fought a lot with my brother when we were kids but now, I'm dreading the day that he's going to get married and move out of our house especially now that I'm in another country and has spent most of our adult lives separately. But always think that each day will bring you something memorable and a chance to create new happy memories.
ReplyDeleteKamusta? I hope you are OK :)
ReplyDeleteAgree ako sa sinabi ni Twilight Man.
Yun na ang mga best words for you :)
Hello Melvin,
ReplyDeleteThe post centres on going back to my roots as to see how it had made me into a person. I am happy that I have accomplsihed so many things in life and thus looking back is an appreciation thing albeit sad because most are gone.
Rajiv said it well. I never intend to go back in my past and cry about it nor pout for what had happened. I do have regrets and the memories of the past will simple remind me that life was good though unfair and in that imbalance, the cause to succeed won. I appreciate your words of wisdom Rajiv, thank you so much.
ReplyDeleteHello Thomas Lucille,
ReplyDeleteIsn't it nice to be able to reminsce the past such as old friends, family activities, growing up, grandparents around, including the house which we called home? My post is a nostalgic comeback to where I was before and in my journey, I created a better life for myself with a lot of sacrifices: absence from my family, distance and separation, no communication. So when I think about my past, I owe many things in my life now that is a result of what I have today, a better me.
I am ok Jep but I guess those who really read my post does not just read the words but comprehend the meaning behind each sentences. There is so much wisdom in blogging and now I am meeting a handful of great thinkers.
ReplyDeleteI may not be a happy chap but I do appreciate all the best things I have in life. I cannot ask for more.
This is scaring me a bit..I might actually feel the same once I really move out of my parents house and live a life of independence.. It scares me though.. I still cannot imagine myself working or supporting myself
ReplyDeleteThe reason why we are scared Simon is because we were never from a culture where parents make us ready to leave their turf. We are close knitted and with Chinese families, we tend to live near each other. Going away, and I mean far away, taught me a lot of things but when I remember a lot, it strikes a chord and sometimes wishing time to turn back. Be brave my friend!
ReplyDeleteI can feel you Sir. In my age now, I've witnessed how unfair and harsh life can be sometimes. I do feel sadness within me too even though at the surface, for most people, I do look brave and tough. I must be, but there are also times where I have to deal things on my own. Last year was the first time that I moved out of my parents' house and lived independently far from them. It was hard at first, I do feel sad whenever I miss them, but at those times, I learn so much that I could never trade in any other experience. May your sorrows may be replace with happiness Sir! :)
ReplyDeletelove lots,
Tin
mypoeticisolation.blogspot.com
I never had my own room until I rented a place in QC where I taught. It was very nice. But still, I keep coming back to our old place where I grew up, I still like sharing the bed with my sisters and sometimes with mama. It's always nice to look back for us to see how far we've gone and done. It makes us realize of so many things and people to be grateful for and wish to give back so others can also move forward and hopefully, look back as well and pay it forward at the same time. Just like what you always do!
ReplyDeleteI understand what you're feeling, Jon. The thought of my mother selling our home in Bohol makes me really sad. I hope she wouldn't. I would really love to come and visit, stay for awhile, and sleep for many nights in our room whenever I can.
ReplyDeleteHello Cristine,
ReplyDeleteLeaving one's home is difficult esp when you know that you have no choice but to be away, far away from someone you love. But in life, we need to dream and make a life of our own so we make decisions. Some decisions are good and lead us to success. Some are not but in our hearts, we can still find a way to go back home, to our comfort zone, to speak out, to be heard, and be loved back.
Well said Yccos, and because we need to grow, we took our time and energy to find our place on earth. The best things in life when we were growing up can be memories and when we go back, it becomes more of a revival of strength and love among family members.
ReplyDeleteTo look back, pay forward, and grow better, a mantra we must repeat to ourselves.
Hi Miss Lili,
ReplyDeleteThough we are far away from home and in your case, farther away from home, we tend to look back where we were and reminisce good and old times with our loved ones. The friends we had when we were young, the games we playes, the relatines we haven't seen for a long time, our home, our parents and even our school become things for nostalgia. I do wish I can be granted even a day to go back in time so I can smile, say my regrets, apologize, love and be appreciative of everyone in my past.
To look back, pay forward, and grow better, a mantra we must repeat to ourselves.
ReplyDelete-- i like how you summarized my thought :) and im gonna be using that as a mantra moving forward.