Longing to Escape

I envy the people I see around the gym not of their beautiful and toned bodies (not all have them though) but the dedication they put in lifting those heavy weights and doing those difficult exercises. I am not that determined yet I make it a point to be there during my training sessions.

When I eat in a restaurant or an eatery, I am amused as what I see with people chatting alongside each other and obviously enjoying each other's company. I am interested in knowing their inner minds so that I could in a little way be connected with the joyous faces they had shown. I basked in their smiles while telling myself that some people are jusy plain lucky.

Then I reflect about my own life when I go to bed and wishfully thinking that I am happy, contented, and free from troubles of life and love. I dream of happy endings and worry free days.

For lately, each day reminds me of my superficial goals in life. Bunched up and seen as luscious, my goals though feasible, seems flimsy and having no direction. Just going to school, surviving each and every day; making use of my time to let the days pass, or simply letting opportunities be wasted. When some people sees my entirety as enviable, they do not know that inside is a longing to escape.

One acquaintance pointed out how lucky I am to have a stable job and a healthy body. I acknowledged that but it just seems that it is only one side of the coin. For they do not see what is inside, a feeling so heavy that eventually in my everyday movement and meetings with people, it will just come out. I needed a break, an escape, and maybe just to free myself from this not-so-good feeling. 

Like a Shower

Most in life we meet tribulations and they come in three folds. When we are hopeful that one will pass, another one comes up when we haven't been able to solve the first. So when we pray hard and wait for a better view of life, we are not sure of what we will get. Our expectations of getting out of the rut becomes stuck. So we do things that we think is the best: we shrug them off or we cling to them. 


I met people whose problems had surpassed their patience and hope. I helped in my own little and big ways people who were suffering with their health or with some of their basic needs. I empathized well to those needing a listening ear and left them with a much lighter load.


This time of the year, I am the one in need but I keep them all inside me. I am quiet and in my silence, my whole self is like an erosion of my being as I battle major and minor issues both personal and work related. I suffer as I keep all my thoughts deep inside. I cannot cry anymore even if anger is wrapping up my heart. I feel alone.


I guess people have their own problems and they seek solutions in many different ways. I am just like you. I complain when things get tough or when things are not met with gratitude. Our long dreary road of serving, helping, taking time offs, and loving others are met with obscurities and neglect. So we look for outlets to find ourselves safe again. 


This beautiful tree that hangs around my garden reminds me of a shower. As a shower of conflicts can ruin my months or year, I still have faith and hoping that a shower of blessings will come forth soon and make me smile again. 

World Teacher's Day 2011

Seems like yesterday when I started

yet the smiles are still there.

Seems like yesterday when I learned

and the yearnings still abound.

Seems like yesterday when I realized

though I haven't change a single bit.

Seems like yesterday when I vowed

to grow wise and great.

When the parents of my former class decided to set up a party, I received a cake designed with children around me playing the piano. This is what they see every morning as I do my circle time with music. So the impression I leave the parents is one of me that is musical, happy, and vibrant.

For the hundred of students both classroom and tutorials, I thank you for making me if not great, but one good teacher. For the parents who always believe, I salute you for your good words and appreciation. For the very few schools I worked with, my gratitude for the chances and for letting me grow as a person. For the teachers I've met from all over the globe, I share this day with all of you. Cheers to everyone!