The columns were intricately designed and crafted and acted as windows to let in light from outside. Any spectator who dare wonder what was beyond the magnificent edifice had to look through the bars that supports the wall. And as I gazed the horizon from this standpoint, I am mesmerized by the greenery and the vastness of the area, space wise.
I will refer to the columns as the bars that holds my inner spirit. I wanted to be free from obligations, from the slump I am in, and from the wrong choices I made in the past. The same spirit I wanted to let go when I travel. I am happy when I see new things, meet new people, and be introduced to new cultures.
I always write something about being free, being away from the bondage of the present, being able to occupy my mind of stillness and peace. Though my prayers are offered every morning, the complete nirvana I am longing for will probably be there when I lay my head in peace. Yet as I live this troublesome existence, my camouflaged life of smiling and being alert will cease to continue and I am still hoping that my faith will lead me somewhere.
I wanted to see a new horizon where I can be ready to shine forth giving me opportunities to spread my wings. Waiting to see, trying with all might and escaping these shackles will be my aim, not just tomorrow but everyday.
And I thought that the issue of race will never surface again since I have established myself as a good teacher, no, as a very good teacher. Just this week right after doing a sort of advertising for the school, a couple of moms questioned the presence of Asians in an international school such as ours.
My life as a teacher was a long sad journey from being unsure of what I like to do to being accepted as a teacher. Starting with very minimal salary for a half day's work, I struggled getting to school earning very little that I cannot even afford to eat lunch before going home. I tried proving my worth so I went back to school and took Education with the little money I was earning from two jobs. My big break came when I was asked to work out of the country and the rest was history.
My present school stood for me when I received doubts from some of the local parents in my class during my first year stay. However, the rest of the parents gave me inspirations, encouragement and the best advice ever. From then on, my work was seen rather than my physicality. My contributions were acknowledged rather than my colour. My goodness and professionalism became a part and parcel of my name. They knew me as Jonathan, and not as an Asian.I am writing not to defend myself from the incoming shower of skepticism since I am not directly affected by the comments. I am writing to show how still at this time, some choose to prefer colour from product, accent from process, and origin from competency. Sad world, but very real.
Looks like an illusion as I stare from the entrance of these numerous doors. Looks like surprise after surprise will meet me as I enter each passageway. But I didn't go in, I stayed put and reflected on its importance.
When I was much younger, I study hard because I have nothing much to offer but my diligence. I started as an honour student and as years passed, the distinction to become greater diminished. It was like the sun losing its light as we get closer and closer to oblivion. I was then trying to maintain my grades and I was able to involved myself again in academics thus making me a part of honour classes for the rest of my school life.
But in my professional life as a teacher, I have stopped opening doors or stepping into one as I become comfortable with just teaching. It is age and I do not regret any minute of my decision to stay put as an educator. I could have taken more brave steps along the road but I chose to remain simple and dedicated as a facilitator of learning to children. My one year stint as a head teacher was enough to bring accolades to my professional endeavour. I vowed to do my vocation as an educator till I can touch more lives in the years to come.
So the doors I will open and start peeking into will be the next few years of my life, not as an educator, but as a whole person. I will venture on new things as I have started this year. I will open the doors, keys or without keys, to let more sunshine in.
