Now or Never

This structure was not an original from the ruins of Angkor Wat. There was a slab of stone and the tourists from Japan and South Korea picked small pieces of rocks from the ground and built these mini-pagodas representing their own belief of heaven. As stories were passed from one tour group to the next, anybody interested to put another piece on top of a bigger one can do so until one day, it just remained a story to tell.


I always start things with exuberance and suddenly it wanes off. It must be the stress of turning effort to product because it is unappreciated at most. Though I don't want to expect, I was doing some wishful thinking that someone will appreciate all the small things I do, or the big things I wanted to accomplish. It seems that my goals are set but my actions are lacking.


There are many things in life where I cannot do things on my own even if I had been doing everything all by myself. Things such as clearing the garden, painting the house, working double time, exploring other countries, or simply putting up the Christmas tree had always been a one man act. However, when I have to lift a big planting pot or to move a shelf  elsewhere, one is not enough. Being alone is one thing, being lonely is another. Sometimes, it leaves me weak and wondering, for a wrong choice I made. Thinking I can do all things by myself, I accomplished just half of life's expectations.


At this present age of mine, regrets often visit during quiet reflections. I would always say that I could have done this and that before. I admit having no courage to pursue bigger goals. I was adamant of change and always retreat to my comfort zone. So when I admire people who are doing what I dreamed of doing, I feel happy for them but sad for myself. Knowing that I wasted precious times, I live regretfully.


But I learn from all my mistakes and I write them in here. I am still proud of what I have done though I still wish I could have done better. So for those who dream big, reach for them. For those who have the opportunity to be different, live your life. For those who start things, finish them. For those who wanted positive change, the time is now.