In Memory of My Mom ( March 25, 2013 )

When I was young, not-so-great moments recalled:

- when I have no money for tuition
- when I was not allowed to go for a summer break
- when I was hurt by a flying fork
- when I was tired from a long walk after a quake

When I was older, great moments remembered:

- when you approved of my leaning towards drama
- when you commented nothing on my being a teacher
- when you attended my graduation
- when you always ask about my whereabouts

When I was gone and visiting, great moments treasured:

- though weary, you waited for my arrival along the staircase
- though sick, you cared for what we were to eat
- though weak, you asked for my presence
- though tired and bed ridden, you laughed at my jokes
- though hard in speech, you made conversations with me on the phone

You, my mom, was always there but I wasn't. I am very sorry!

Thank you so much for everything.

I will miss you. 
I love you a lot. 
You will be remembered forever.

...and tears drowned my sight while typing this entry.

After the Winter

A man, born from a poor family, decided to leave his rustic background and abode. With nothing in his bag but a few items of clothing, he went to the city to seek his fortune.  Just like the same old tales of country guys who left the simplicity of provincial life, he ended finding not a decent source of living. Earning less than the minimum wage, he struggled to stay afloat with the stress of being fed three times a day, not to mention the difficulty of finding a roof over his head. He stayed with friends, sometimes, on the streets, as he had no where to rest his weary body.

Giving up was not in his vocabulary so he looked for other things to subsist until he met a fellow upcountry person who lured him to work at night in a not so decent establishment. His first day was filled with jitters as he wasn't even familiar that such a place exists. Boys and men, wearing skimpy underwear or swimsuits, gyrate on stage to the amusement of the gay crowd. That was just the beginning. Later, he was able to accept the fact that working in the bar was far better than having to sleep in the cold pavement of the streets or unsure of a safe roof for the night.

All the glitter and gold of money fade with the passing time. Age became an issue as being 27 was already past the prime of someone in such a profession. He wasn't of a great built so it was his youth he used to climb the social ladder of having something from being nothing. He left, knowing he will need to struggle again in life.

He turned into being a server in a local restaurant, then became a tuk-tuk driver before deciding to drive a cab since cab drivers get more money compared to the lowly motorized three wheeled motorbike. He owed money from people around him and he worked longer hours to be able to earn more for overdue payments from loan sharks. After less than two years, he succumbed to illness.

There was one good Samaritan who helped him moved on with life. This fellow was instrumental in his life change. Though financial help was limited, it was his presence and constant small talks of encouragement and emotional support that bound them together. When his health waned, this good hearted fellow was beside him, nursing him till he was good to let go.

One day, unexpectedly, a phone call was received. It was from this lovely man who with all the struggles faced and is facing made a moving remark. " I am so fortunate to have met you. I found your kindness and thought of using you, for my sake. Our friendship was solely based on your help and support but later it became more than just for me to survive. You gave me a reason to live for you selfishly give without asking for anything in return. After all these three years, I realized you are indeed a good friend and I would like to say that I love you not just as a friend but beyond that."

And then I cried.


To Aek Wanatit, wherever you are.

Sketches Part 3

So we cancelled after four sessions of painting since the three of us (students) were tired after school and the teacher had not been providing much support, for lack of English skills. I collected nine illustrations after four sessions and I am proud of them, though they were in hiding. Allow me to post the last three with colours.

Unfinished

Color Me Bad!

I call it my masterpiece, lol!

I truly enjoyed the hours and hours of practise and honing a bit of my talent to sketching and watercolour painting. There was the discipline, the patience and the creativity all packed within those precious hours. At present, I only paint once in a blue moon but makes art pieces with my students most of the time using different techniques. Try painting, it's calming and worth it!

One Quiet Sunday

It was not just an ordinary Sunday as I did not work this time. It was a day for a rest but I decided to leave the house for a change. I went to Saraburi, a province in the central part of Thailand, with a close friend of mine who drove 150 +- kilometres so we can visit a waterfall. Traversing the road without a map was a challenge and we were relying on signs to reach our destination.

We were looking for Namtok Chet Sao Noi, translated as Chet Sao Noi waterfalls so looking at names and signs was like hunting for something exotic and funny sounding names. We were told to go to Khaeng Koi ( seriously?) and follow the highway till we see another sign that says Sao Noi.  I saw Phu Kae (which is not so good if I say it back home) and we kept on going until we were lost. We made four u-turns before we finally reached the place and headed to the waterfalls.

First Level

Second Level

So Inviting!

The three and a half drive was worth it once I saw the beauty of the water, though muddy looking because of the swimmers, but still tranquil and cold to the senses. The waterfall has seven levels and it was very inviting. Even if I am a big fan of falls, I decided to just take photographs and be awed, not by the swimmers, but by the sheer beauty of nature. 

Many had been lost by the business of living but still a few had been taking time out to enjoy what is free. Every small steps of my afternoon stroll by the waterfalls was a reflection of how I should be in life. The movement of the water, flowing from way high above the mountain, is certain. It goes in many crevices, runs through cracks and holes, moves through the wide space and encompasses the entire area. It seeks the lowland.

Water should be allowed to flow in order not to stagnate. For me, I shouldn't be 'just' teaching, but I should also be learning new things. I should not 'just' be a good friend, but I should bridge friendships. I should not 'just' be a messenger of news, I should be an advocate of change. If I do not flow like the  water, I will not grow. 

Sketches Part 2

Then on with more sketching but this time with the dreaded shadows. For two weeks, I was drilled with shadows, shadows, shadows and I just cannot find the right angle for shadowing. I made my own version then. Hard headed me!

Loving the shapes!

Shadow Disaster!

Homework, oh so neat!

In the end, I was the one happy because these were my own work. I know that I can draw, not very well, but good enough for people to figure out that what I  drew was a vase, or an apple. Right?

Sketches Part 1

I was adamant to learn from an art teacher not because I do not trust him but because I know that I will be spending so much time trying to draw vases and flowers for many weeks. I was right! Since the classes were held after school, I was sketching till five in the afternoon. I asked if I could do the rest at home and was given permission to. These sketches were made some years ago, resurrected from old piles, now posted for history sake.

First Attempt

Second Attempt

Final Attempt

I felt I was very good with shapes but terrible with straight lines. We were even discouraged to use rubbers, whew, but I cheated a little, wink wink! I enjoyed the sessions though till we went to painting. That's another story then.

Giving More Value

When I was younger, a godmother of mine gave me a cashbox to keep my valuable things. At that time, money was first in the box and then some knickknacks given by special people. There were some stickers, pins, a few letters and some coins as well. When we moved residence, the box was then stored in a bigger box and was long forgotten.

The stickers were thrown as well as the other not so important things. I kept the money for remembrance: the bigger bills were from my school allowance while the 2 peso bills were from my yearly carolling stints every Christmas. When I give importance to the small stickers given to me before, it's a different story now. Don't get me wrong, I'm a pack rat so all things given to me are kept in boxes ready for the imminent move again. 

20 peso bills

5 peso bills

2 peso bills

10 peso bills

If there is one thing I give much importance now, it is time. Since I had lived in regrets not having this and that, I finally told myself that I have to move and pick up the pieces. It is the right time to wake up (to set limits on giving), the right time to challenge myself (to accept the administrative job offer) and the right time to be happy (to learn to love myself). 

Frog, Most Humble

Not a lot of people like toads and frogs, some even dread them for various reasons. I heard some say that they are slimy, that they are noisy, that they are jumpy, and that they scare the hell out of their wits. I am not a fan of them either but I do not hate them. In fact, they are the most welcome guests I have in my garden. They thrive in numbers, feeding on insects and hiding in many crevices of pots, broken or not and even on leaves.

I made some sketches, not of the frogs from my house, but from a book as I was doing a science related project with my student. Here are some of them:

Red-eyed Treefrog

Green Treefrog

Imitator Poison Frog

Blue Poison- Dart Frog

La Palma Glass Frog

Red-legged Running Frog

Painted Mantella

When I recently paid a visit to a temple, I found these beautiful frogs clustered together and made a short reflection.

They're looking at you, kid!

Frogs and toads, albeit their unusual looks and nature, are simply nature's solution to disease spreading insects. Sometimes in life, what we think has no value are even more important than those that glitter in silver and gold. These lovely creatures, quiet and unassuming, feels the heat of the ground, closest to Mother Earth. Let the little qualities of these living animals be ours: being valuable, being humble, and being close to nature.