These Few Days

I need to write this, I need to write this.  I am feeling depress. Yes, the word is correct and that I am just a human being as well. 

I was the happy chap you will see when I was walking down the malls of SM and Robinson's.  Though I wasn't the shopper, I was endlessly walking down each stores trying to look busy, not lurking, but passing the time away.  I had lunches and dinners at different establishments most notably McDonald because it wasn't filled with people. I cannot be in the house of my brother.  I should be somewhere else. I was restless.

I'd met my high school friends, as part of our yearly get-together but there was something different.  I didn't feel the excitement, pardon me Violets, because I was already frustrated with the rain and the bags I had to carry from one house to the next before we met.  I was a nomad in Manila. 

I was chit chatting with strangers the ten days I was home.  When I went to Coron, I was listening to other tourists and later engaging myself with small talks with them.  When I took an FX van to get home, I became buddy buddy with a fellow overseas worker who shared her visions and plans during the ride home.  I was offered by an older lady to be introduced to someone when I shared the trike with her.  She found out through our conversation that I am single. I was the chatterbox.

These are the things I miss and when I am back here for the first few days, my feeling of isolation, desolation and loneliness mount incessantly.  Though I have the comfort of my home surrounded by beautiful plants and flowers, I long for.... Though I have the comfort of a motorbike and a car to go around, I long for.... Though I am surrounded by people wherever I go, I long for ....

Being an overseas worker is tough but it was a choice I made.  I count the days where I will be home in traffic, congested places, noisy surroundings, polluted air and political mayhem. With all the bad things, I have my remaining family members, relatives, friends, and home. 

All Things Dark and Deceitful

The struggles were overwhelming. At a young age, he contemplated on death as the means to end things quickly as he was suffering from catcalls and bullies.  He was always looked upon with derision as he was lame in actions, unmanly in attributes, and vulnerable to harsh words.

He took refuge in solitary abandonment, refusing to go with friends or relatives.  Their weekly visits to their cousin's house was a torture for him.  Their sporadic biking escapades was always for the benefit of his younger brothers.  Their weekend swims were rich in unfavourable comparisons.

So when he abandoned his home to seek a better place devoid of those he wanted to escape, he was mistaken.  His new found place was a macrocosm of what was happening at home.  The daily grind of sadness and forced smiles floored him at the end of each day.  The tears were his only consolation to the harsher realities of life.

When love manifested itself through some turn of events, the flowery scene turned sour after a few years.  The  sweetness was marred by deceit and constant err for support.  From small token of gifts to unprecedented money needs, the once solid ground came tumbling into pieces.  He was, in a way, born for misfortunes.

One night, a realization came in.

It was ten in the evening but the turning and tossing on the bed didn't help him get some sleep.  It was rather late for an early riser to sleep past ten.  There had been hundreds of images running through his head but one remained until wake up time.  The need to go away and never return. 

A day will come when he had summoned his strength and should finally decide to leave.  The beach is where he will go and stay, either to live near so that he can be at peace in his thoughts and away from worries, or in it... to end things. 

One Drop of Rain

I maybe one drop in an ocean full of people but even a small drop 

can make a drip sound or a ripple, albeit small.

When I was in my first year of university, I met a man named George and we were in the same class. Since I was always present and him, being absent most of the time, our connection was with the constant borrowing of notes and reminders from teachers (I was the vice president of the class, meaning, the bearer of news.)

It was almost the end of the school year when I asked George why the tardiness or absences.  He mentioned that times were tough and that he cannot afford to come to school everyday.  He even had no money to fully pay his tuition fee in school.  He needed to fulfill his obligation for his family so he also worked after school.

His dilemma at that time was the coming examinations as it was already the end of our first year.  He wasn't able to attend my study group where we sat down to review lessons from our Philosophy class.

He was out most of the time in class thus he doesn't know most of the lessons taught.  The biggest challenge was not just to take the test but also to pay for the remaining balance he should had paid earlier.

He was able to take the test, with my help, though he didn't pass the exams.  Well in our class of 42 students, only three of us passed the Philosophy exam and only nine went on to second year.  The rest left the university after that year, including George.

Though I didn't hear anything after that and he wasn't able to return the tuition I lent him, I learned to be more humble and appreciative. I learned that life is unfair. I learned that my troubles were minuscule to others.  I learned that hard work pays off. I learned that in life, challenges make us grow and strong. 

Escape to Coron

Me: Miss, nasaan na yung check-in counter to Busuanga?

Miss: Close na.

Me: Ha! Paano na yan?

Miss: May check-in baggage?

Me: Wala, eto lang ang dala ko.

Miss: Patingin ng ID.

Me: Eto o.

Miss: Sige, takbo na kayo.

Me: (Ano, kabayo? Amazing Race ba ito?)

Paano yung friend ko eh wala pa siya?

Miss: Hindi na siya makakasama.

Me: (Nega!)

And this starts the adventure to Coron.  I wasn't exceedingly late. PAL was just a pain in the A when in fact ....

Me: Kat, nasaan ka na?

Kat: Nasa harap na ako ng airport.

Me: Close na ang counter, pakiusapan mo na lang since delayed ang flight.

Kat: Sige po.

And after some time, I saw Kat with her mobile phone trying to locate me inside the waiting area. Then when the storm passed, a rainbow made shaped.

Coron in Palawan is a paradise.  Known to many, it had been featured in many travel magazines as a destination of choice.  Our tour guide/friend Asiong do not need to exert effort in showing us the beauty of Coron because the place spoke for itself. Idyllic and serene, here are some of the photos to share.

Coron Town

Heading to Culion

Culion and its Vicinity

You could read a lot of things about Culion in other blogs. This island was the former Leper's Colony.  It was very interesting to walk around seeing the demarcation for people afflicted or not, during those times. But it was most interesting for Cher Kat because she was hoping for someone to come, LOL!

Fort Culion

La Imaculada Concepcion Church

Marketplace

Asiong and I went to the market for some fish and meat.  It was interesting to note that at half past seven in the morning, most of the stalls were already done with their wares.  Also, vegetables were not so fresh as they were imported from another province.  The soil of Coron is not conducive to planting greens. :(

One Free Island
 ( since all have entrance fees or should I say I forgot the name ) 

Twin Lagoons

The waters at the lagoon and lakes are thermocline meaning that the layers of water are of different temperature. Since there were no available bathrooms, I already know why the water temperature is warm in certain areas. 

Barracuda Lake

I enjoyed the waters here at Barracuda Lake but I took delight in hearing the conversation between a Pinoy couple with their boatman.

Woman:  Dapat binubuksan ninyo ang electric fan para hindi naman masyadong mainit.

Boatman:  Maam, pag may VIP lang po binubuksan yun!

Me: Oops, hindi VIP si Maam!

Kayangan Lake

Maquinit Hot Springs

The water is different from other known hot springs because it is saltwater.  The temperature is conducive to weary bodies as the trip was really exhausting with all the swimming, hiking, sitting and eating. 

View Outside the Hotel Window before sunrise

Friendship with Kat,  Asiong,  Ever and Mang Jun

It is one of my rarest moment in traveling as I usually travel by myself but this time, Asiong and Kat were with me.  I may not be as strong and determined as those two but I am still a happy soul having them around through this trip. Thank you so much for your company. An advance happy birthday to Cher Kat.  Till we meet again Asiong!

With a Heavy Heart

     

           Dear Teacher Jonathan,

           Many thanks from the deep of our heart for being such a                   

           wonderful teacher, tutor, coach and friend.

           We will never forget all the support that you gave to us, especially               

           to Isi and Diego in these four and a half years of teaching from     
           Beginning English but later and more importantly, values and helping     
           both to be better kids.

           We trust milion percent and you never fail. You always gave more and    
           more with patience, care and love.  You are dear Teacher Jonathan   
           and one of our best memories of Thailand.

           You are so special for us and your "Chilean" friends will always be with    
           you in anything you need.

           Many thanks again for all and God bless you!

                                                                         With love,

                                                                         Isi, Diego and Marcela

This year, there were a lot of families who left for good as they needed to go back to their home countries or that they were assigned somewhere else.  The Barria-Esquivel family had been a tremendous support to my career as a teacher.  I will love them and cherish them in my heart. 

In Waiting...

The soil where all the trees and plants bore fruits and leaves had been drying up because of the scarcity of rain. It had been a year of dry wells and parched land.

The tree that bore round and juicy fruit succumbed to the dryness of the stem that held them high up in the tree. Its branches were nimble but now drained of any moisture. They also fell with just one whipped of the wind.


As the fruit lay bear on the ground for us to enjoy, the sourness gave hesitation to those who saw them. Picking them up would be useless as the fruit themselves were not edible, as in unripe to the core.

So now the fruit became wasted and what of its glory to give to the grower became futile for its inability to grow in maturity. Maybe some bugs will crawl and eat them or the worms will feasts on them after some time. For now, the value of the fruit was its vivid colour when I took the photo of them on the ground.

Love is like this. When we force ourselves to love someone for the sake of having one beside us, we become susceptible to regret. When we try so hard to get the attention of someone we like or love, we expose ourselves to rejection. When we wait as though something will happen, the infamous line of "It will come, it will come.", has an indefinite period of time. 

We could pick the right moment to love but we could not make it work alone. It is senseless to show one's affection when it is not returned. Your time to be in love will come in the most unexpected way. The fruit fell because it wasn't the right condition.  Be the tree and not the fruit, for in waiting there is something good that will happen.

A Beach Post

If there is one place I enjoy visiting, it is the beach. I am not fond of swimming in its salty water but the sound of the waves caresses my ears. It is the coming and going of the current that brings bubbles at the end that mystifies me. It is the soft push of the wind to gently sway the ripples to the shore that I always wait for. It is pure magic. 

The beach had been my refuge. It was where I do my homework when I was still a student. It was where I memorized my lines for the stage plays I had been part of. It was where I wrote my school reports and it was where I sat down and reflected on life. It was also where I just indulge in eating and sleeping during school breaks. 

This summer, I went to Coron. I renewed friendship with two of the best people I've met in the world of blogging. I have met Asiong two years ago when I visited him in Baguio and it was also that summer where I met Cher Yccos in her school.  Asiong is now a tour guide in Coron while Yccos returned to the corporate world. These two people had been instrumental in my continuos streak of writing and postings.  Their presence warms my heart.

The beach is where we gathered to exchange further stories about life, struggles, and hopes. The beach is where we renewed our camaraderie.  The beach became a stellar witness to how friendships go beyond backgrounds, likes, eccentricities, and beliefs.  I am fortunate to have them and those who read my blog. 

Coming up will be photos of our wonderful journey together. 

Struggled With...

A student of mine is leaving for America and in one of our Saturday classes, I asked her about her struggles in school. I told her it could be the past and forgotten part of her school days or it could be something she is dealing at present. While she was writing, I decided to write my own and the list wasn't short, which was surprising since I thought I am done with these things. 

Growing up, I was an introvert and I still am. I used to sit in a corner of the school, reading a book or watching my classmates play. I had a few friends but there wasn't a strong bond made. We were talking because there was a need to talk. We were playing because we were probably all bored. 

Growing up, I never asked for help. I am very independent when it comes to my studies. I would hide somewhere in the house, doing my homework or studying for an exam. I wanted to escape house chores because of my school load but I always ended up doing the dishes or cleaning up the house before anything else. 

Growing up, I was the one helping out in the store instead of given a chance to play with some neighbours. I got to play when my cousins were around but most of my free time were spent running errands and helping my grandparents in their shop. I remembered doing my homework in bits. There wasn't a choice given, it must be fate.

I struggled to make friends beyond my school and I always fail. I struggled with money as I wasn't given any to enroll in school even if I was a good student. I struggled to understand fair practices at home based on the loads of work I do compared to my siblings. I was always asking. I was always frustrated. I was always complaining.

Now, I still struggle with many things. I still struggle making friends as I prefer staying home and away from the crowds. This is probably my leaning, to be by myself at all times.  I still struggle with comparisons, where I always find myself looking at others and telling myself I am not as worthy as them. I still struggle with my fate, as a teacher and as a person where I get all these unsettling feelings of where I am going and why I am still here.

But after all these things, there is only one person who could help me and it is myself. I ended up telling my student that when she moves to America, she is on her own and that the struggles she will be facing will become scaffolds of learning and rich experiences. She will then be stronger, wiser, and a better person. 

The words that came out of my mouth should also be my advocacy.  I should not expect, nor compare, nor easily affected by gossips and malign words.  I must continue to stay strong, wise and better than what I am right now.  I should practice what I preach.