I need to write this, I need to write this. I am feeling depress. Yes, the word is correct and that I am just a human being as well.
I was the happy chap you will see when I was walking down the malls of SM and Robinson's. Though I wasn't the shopper, I was endlessly walking down each stores trying to look busy, not lurking, but passing the time away. I had lunches and dinners at different establishments most notably McDonald because it wasn't filled with people. I cannot be in the house of my brother. I should be somewhere else. I was restless.
I'd met my high school friends, as part of our yearly get-together but there was something different. I didn't feel the excitement, pardon me Violets, because I was already frustrated with the rain and the bags I had to carry from one house to the next before we met. I was a nomad in Manila.
I was chit chatting with strangers the ten days I was home. When I went to Coron, I was listening to other tourists and later engaging myself with small talks with them. When I took an FX van to get home, I became buddy buddy with a fellow overseas worker who shared her visions and plans during the ride home. I was offered by an older lady to be introduced to someone when I shared the trike with her. She found out through our conversation that I am single. I was the chatterbox.
These are the things I miss and when I am back here for the first few days, my feeling of isolation, desolation and loneliness mount incessantly. Though I have the comfort of my home surrounded by beautiful plants and flowers, I long for.... Though I have the comfort of a motorbike and a car to go around, I long for.... Though I am surrounded by people wherever I go, I long for ....
Being an overseas worker is tough but it was a choice I made. I count the days where I will be home in traffic, congested places, noisy surroundings, polluted air and political mayhem. With all the bad things, I have my remaining family members, relatives, friends, and home.
Hugs from me...
ReplyDeletePlease come visit us again next time:) Doon tayo sa bukid. Dalawa na kami ng wife ko na makakausap mo.
Funny how you are back reading and I am back commenting and that the comment before this was the same intention of this comment, a hug and a visit. Great minds think alike. Hindi na tayo matutulog niyan sa haba ng kuwentuhan, ha,ha,ha!
ReplyDeleteIba nga yung Tarlac visit ko. The feeling was still intact even when I arrived Thailand.
I miss reading your posts Sir! I am also feeling the same way as you. I know it's not a feeling worth keeping but we are just humans, right? And I guess we need a little sadness in our life. I am glad that you are back in the things that you long for Sir. I do hope you are having a great time. Surely, the flowers, the familiar scenes and everything else misses you! Maybe it just take a little while to be comfortable with each other again. Like meeting an old friend after such a long time :)
ReplyDeletelove lots,
Tin
mypoeticisolation.blogspot.com
My honesty is helping me face one of the saddest part of my being. I am at a lost and when all the familiar things become vague, I succumbed to silence and thus, the depression. Since I am by myself, I need to bring out the best again by being grounded in what is my comfort zone: my job, my place, my garden. What I needed most was someone to speak with during my testing days, I was fortunate enough to have not just one, but three.
ReplyDeleteYey! Nagbukas na ulit.
ReplyDeleteGo sir Jo, this too shall past :)
Parang sari sari store, nagbukas na ulit! Thanks Cher Jep for your help.
ReplyDeletesir Jooo!!!
ReplyDeletebuti you're back again :)
akala ko kung ano na nangyari sa inyo.
isang mahigpit na hugs na lang para sa inyo jan!
Hello Fiel,
ReplyDeleteSige pag nagkita tayo ulit ( kailan kaya yun?) at ibigay mo sa akin, lol!
Maraming nagyari at mangyayari pero for now, balik blog muna.
Salamat!
Hugs.
ReplyDeleteWe had the same feeling when we got back from Coron, it's not that it's "bitin" per se but its that loneliness that came with it. I came home to an empty house that day as well. I didnt unpack my stuff until the following day then I had lunch with you and Sep that was also in a rush as you have both other things to do that day.
Hugs Cher Kat. I probably had a blast in Palawan that when it was good bye time at the hotel and then at the airport, it diminishes me in pieces. The laughter, the joy, the love and the friendship becomes bottled in memories because of the physical distance. However, I am still thankful for those who stood with me during these trying times.
ReplyDeleteI am sure you'll love my wife's company. She's great.
ReplyDeleteOf course I will and looking forward to meeting her, Ambot.
ReplyDeleteSo glad you are sharing your blog again Jon. Being away from your homeland is never easy but like what you said in the other blog, there are a lot of blessings to be grateful for as well in being overseas. So am so happy you have found joy again in writing. Please continue to do so .... e
ReplyDeleteI am glad you are back sharing Jon! Yes there are a lot of sacrifices made when we decided to leave 'home' but at the same time there are a lot of blessings which we will not have had if we stayed. So as you said in the other blog, there are a lot of things to be grateful for in life. So next time you have those sad spells, always remember we must look at life as 'a glass half full' rather than 'half empty'. So happy you are back! - E
ReplyDeleteDearest E,
ReplyDeleteIt is a choice I made and when I am depress because I had a taste of life back home, I resign to doing nothing. A telephone call or a messenger chat helps but it has more value when we meet personally. I can laugh and I can see others laugh as well. I can pat them, poke them, or even slap them throughout our jokes. However, this is joy possible at all times. The distance between all of us I believe ties us together as we get excited to meet again and again. This January, though I have no intention of going back, I will because of our group.
Remember when we were at the resto during A's treat and when everyone was listening to my tales, I was so happy. But nobody knew what happened after that. As I was walking down the street, I was warned by a security guard of how dangerous some of the smaller roads were so I ended walking along the highway. I couldn't find a cab to go home so I walked some more miles until I found the jeepney station. I asked some people how to get to my destination and there were a couple who helped me out.
When I reached the subdivision, it was already late so there were no more trikes to bring me in. I walked through the darkness praying for my safety. I reached my brother's house and thanked the Lord for bringing me safely back home. Then I cried for being like this because I had not paid any attention to my future. This January, I will be staying in Manila so it will be nearer and more familiar to me. My mind have been opened and my hope is full. I will continue with my journey not of pity but of determination.
Glad you're back with a vengeance ;-) so deeply appreciate your honesty, determination, compassion and humanity, thanks for writing beautifully and continue to share and inspire, am blessed to have a friend in you - P
DeleteSo many wow words Ms. P! Thank you for passing by and for the words of encouragement. Glad that I am a part of your group for a very long time now and that the support I get from you is something to keep. I am also blessed to have you as a friend.
ReplyDelete