A student of mine is leaving for America and in one of our Saturday classes, I asked her about her struggles in school. I told her it could be the past and forgotten part of her school days or it could be something she is dealing at present. While she was writing, I decided to write my own and the list wasn't short, which was surprising since I thought I am done with these things.
Growing up, I was an introvert and I still am. I used to sit in a corner of the school, reading a book or watching my classmates play. I had a few friends but there wasn't a strong bond made. We were talking because there was a need to talk. We were playing because we were probably all bored.
Growing up, I never asked for help. I am very independent when it comes to my studies. I would hide somewhere in the house, doing my homework or studying for an exam. I wanted to escape house chores because of my school load but I always ended up doing the dishes or cleaning up the house before anything else.
Growing up, I was the one helping out in the store instead of given a chance to play with some neighbours. I got to play when my cousins were around but most of my free time were spent running errands and helping my grandparents in their shop. I remembered doing my homework in bits. There wasn't a choice given, it must be fate.
I struggled to make friends beyond my school and I always fail. I struggled with money as I wasn't given any to enroll in school even if I was a good student. I struggled to understand fair practices at home based on the loads of work I do compared to my siblings. I was always asking. I was always frustrated. I was always complaining.
Now, I still struggle with many things. I still struggle making friends as I prefer staying home and away from the crowds. This is probably my leaning, to be by myself at all times. I still struggle with comparisons, where I always find myself looking at others and telling myself I am not as worthy as them. I still struggle with my fate, as a teacher and as a person where I get all these unsettling feelings of where I am going and why I am still here.
But after all these things, there is only one person who could help me and it is myself. I ended up telling my student that when she moves to America, she is on her own and that the struggles she will be facing will become scaffolds of learning and rich experiences. She will then be stronger, wiser, and a better person.
The words that came out of my mouth should also be my advocacy. I should not expect, nor compare, nor easily affected by gossips and malign words. I must continue to stay strong, wise and better than what I am right now. I should practice what I preach.
As i was reading our post i felt the emotion of that introvert child. That child that seems to have no option to live life fully as a child, for childhood is the best part of living.
ReplyDeleteGood part is, you are independent, and from that you alone used your experiences to fight and go on with your life. Given that you have that situation, you still choose not to lean onto others but just simply be you. :)
I also added you on my ex links. Here's the URL:
ReplyDeletehttp://stevevhan.blogspot.com/p/artist.html
hmmm, is this my story??? hayst... siguro pag schoolmate tayo... bestfriend tayo hihi..
ReplyDeletei never tagged myself as introvert before (di ko pa alam yung meaning nun haha) but I know the fact that I am loner ever since.. I don't have a good childhood so maybe that's the reason... I prefer being alone and for some reason I am more comfortable that way... like you, I never talk unless being approached but I am a joker at home (only with my siblings).. I'm trying to step out from it yet it's too hard if you do not have enough motivation and inspiration to change ... sigh.. but I'm good hihi ^_^
I'm happy that you have positive outlook in life
This one is nice. I struggle to be myself. Noon may mga gusto akong mga maging kaibigan pero ayaw sakin, pero ipinipilit ko ang sarili ko. Later on, I realize, people who really care will stay especially if you treat them genuinely as well. Its better to keep a small circle of people whom I can be real rather than be in a crown where I can't be myself.
ReplyDeleteYou made an important point here Steve as I did not lean on anyone at the time I am struggling and even with my situation at present. I need to help myself, though friends do help when they listen as I share, but still it is within me that can make changes. Will follow yours!
ReplyDeleteHi Blue, and I feel what you shared. We can be introverts depending on situations or by choice. We had both and we acknowledged the fact that we needed some people around us. I am a joker as well, not a joke, but a person with a very good sense of humour. This is another twist in my persona, as I always have jokes to share but deep inside I have struggles I cannot even share with people.
ReplyDeleteHow can we change ourselves? One day, a person will come and help us to get out of our shells. I was an introvert and very shy that's why I went into acting. I refrain from meeting friends or bloggers per se three years ago but I decided to make friends with some and no regrets. Blogging helped me to be more aware of my feelings and sharing them with all of you made me a better person. I do have a positive outlook clouded by negativities at times but there are people who remind me that life is good, life is beautiful, life is worth living.
Cher Kat delivers a punch with her comment. We cannot be friends with all but we can be great friends to a few and chosen ones. It is not the quantity that matters. Like what I have read, we can be far away and not in communication for a long time but when we see each other, it was like yesterday that we last met.
ReplyDeletethanks Jonathan.. nakakataba naman ng puso yang sinabi mo ^_^
ReplyDelete