Mirrors

Coming back from dinner, I was in deep silence reflecting on things that is going on with my life. My mind was swirling with so many ideas, both great and dreary.  And while I was caught in my daydreaming, I was in awe when I saw what was going on at that time, sundown.

My one year excitement to be in Europe for the summer of 2016, which will be next month, is not going to materialize.  Though I saved enough for this upcoming trip, a series of unfortunate events led me to use up the savings I had.  I cried when I texted my friend that I won't be able to join them.  I was filled with hatred and anger, which I shouldn't be, whenever I remember the people who caused these troubles for me. 

Work have been a perennial stress for me.  I planned to permanently return back home after this summer but some other circumstances prompted me to stay put.  Though my contract was renewed, it wasn't a cause of celebration because work right now is hampered by stagnancy.  I do not grow anymore and the people who work side by side with me are constant source of frustrations. 

I am beginning to feel depress, again.  From wanting to break from solitary presence to a life of companionship, while being free from the worries and stresses of my present work and, to do what I enjoyed doing, traveling.  With all these wanting comes the need, the need to be whole again.  But with the sundown of my life, a new day will come the next day. With the coming sunrise, a hope that with all these defeats, I will become a victor. 

the old jonathan

Dear 'dy,

Once depressed and meandering, life was just a cycle of waking up, going to work, and sleeping.  It was monotonous and without any sense of direction.  There was one, that of death, to finish breathing and leave.  He was always writing of sadness, negative thoughts and death.  Then one day, he woke from his slumber because someone peeked, took time to meander and stayed. 

Our lives are like a walk in two different paths.  After encountering a lot of bumps and strings of challenges, we came into a fork and met.  We looked at each other’s eyes metaphorically, and ended sitting down for a big talk. 

You are a blessing for giving me something to look forward to.  Your words, your wisdom, your witty remarks and our exchanges are amazing.  You are sweet, loving and very endearing.  You gave me an opportunity to smile, something I have not done for a long time.  And that smile is something I will always cherish because I didn’t believe that I will be alive again.  You gave what others did not give.  You saw what others failed to see.  You accepted me for what I am, the sad person I was.

You changed me.  Not for the worst but for the better.  You made me see the world in a different light.  I walk through lightness and without the heavy weight anymore.  I stroll down with less baggages making it easier to move.  I dance in the rain because your love showers me in all directions.  

You needed to be appreciated.  You dig deep into my life and continues to be amazed as to what I can offer of which I am not even aware of.  Your presence lifts me up all the time.  Your calls are like batteries to a dying heart.  Your voice is my strength.  You push me up, not down, so that I can see myself as a confident, beautiful person. Thank you. 

I love you for coming into my life.  I am grateful for being given the chance to love you.  I am happy for what is transpiring. I am filled with joy when people see me as something new for that old Jonathan is simply vanishing. 

All because of you. 

Our Teacher

I was given a book by the parents of my students where numerous photographs were included.  It was published professionally and I was so appreciative of the effort and craftmanship that I needed to make a blog post about it.  Let me share the contents, the voice of the children, in their eyes of what I am. 

I love Teacher Jonathan! Bin

I love my school and I love Mr. Jonathan because he teaches me and all the other kids. Nara

I love the school because I get to do everything that I want to discover and art because I get to paint.  I love Mr. Jonathan because he always help me. Chris

School is fun because after lunch and snack we get to play outside. Teacher Jonathan is funny because he makes jokes, like one time he took Proud's lunch bag and knocked on it and asked if it is Olivia's house. Kaia

I love school because we play inside and we eat toast.  I love Teacher Jonathan because he hugs me. Grace

My favourite thing about school is making messages.  I love Teacher Jonathan because he gives good hugs and he makes great art! Anna

My favourite thing about school is to play with things in the sand.  I like Mr. Jonathan because he is silly, nice and he teaches me. Olivia

My favourite thing about school is drawing pictures, playing on the harp, seeing Olivia and swinging.  Mr. Jonathan is the teacher I love the most.  He is so funny.  He helps me draw a butterfly and reads us stories. Proud

I like school because Mr. Jonathan likes me very much.  I like school because of play time and hide and seek.  The school looks like a house. Bashitha

I like the computer most at ELC.  My favourite thing from Teacher Jonathan is the name card that he made for me on 20th of April. David

My favourite thing at school is playing on the computer with a headphone.  I love sitting with Mr. Jonathan for lunch! Jayden

My favourite thing about school is Mr. Jonathan's books that he brings to school.  I like my friends and play time.  I like Mr. Jonathan's glasses.  He is very nice and very funny. Branden

I love all of you children and wishing you all the best. Jonathan

you're weird. i like it.

It was the end of the school year and as usual, I was the most tired person in school and I wanted to think that I was. Staying late till one in the morning to finish a presentation for the very next day, it was something I will not do again in the future.  I was exhausted. Though the presentation went well, I was a walking zombie at noon. 

Anyway, the usual end of the year has its ups and downs.  The children leaving for another school, or going back home to their own countries is a common sight as well as teachers and colleagues leaving.  One of my colleagues gave me a card that says, you're weird. i like it. 

Dear Jonathan,

You're just the right kind of weird, mister!  I will miss your quirky and     

  sometimes irreverent sense of humour, and watching you shower the children with your affection and care - even the most challenging ones!

I have enjoyed collaborating with you this yer, in particular, and celebrating the children's learning journey with you.  Being in your classroom very nearly twice a week has made me miss having my own far less.  In your classroom, I have truly felt like a part of a community- one that you have nurtured with your beautiful spirit and kind heart.

I don't say things that I don't mean, so whatever you need next year, you just let me know! I'll always be your colleague and friend...project related, school related or life related... and don't forget you'll always have a place to stay in England!

I will keep on teaching as I get to meet superb people in their field.  I will miss two special people (Mia and Julie) in school this August.  They will both be in England, meeting their partners and living-in together for good.  I wish them all the best. 

It's High Time

  Love, and love largely. 

When you decide to, do take the jump, this leap of faith.  

If you do get burned in this Ring of Fire in the end, 

you will, in the very least, look back, 

burned wings, singed hair, and all, 

and know that the Loving had been worth all.  

Plunge into it. 

Give it all you got. 

Do not keep safe, for this is where others fail.  

People worth having is never had without the risks, after all.
                                                                     
                                                                                 Ian

Flying back from Manila, I bumped into a friend whom I have not seen in almost 14 years. We exchanged notes and stories of late during the flight.  When the conversation came to relationships, she asked me why I never bothered to have one.  Due to her insistence, I smiled and nodded my head.

I told her I am, and very happy.  She told me that she noticed something since we started talking.  A certain aura, beaming, radiating through my smiles and dialogues.  But it was the twinkle in my eyes that betrayed me when I said I have no one. 

She was right!  And I noticed that my recent photograph (taken Friday evening)  is very different from the hundreds of pictures taken from all my travels.  This one is genuinely happy. 

Like the beginning of a new day, there it is, a hint of a smile. Time to be happy!