From Them to Me (April 26, 2009)

When I asked someone to love me in return, I received a smirk and was told, "You're just a mere teacher!" And during the many years that went by, it stuck to my mind that no matter how good I am , I will always be regarded as a "mere" teacher. A teacher whose equivalent is low salary and no chance to step up the ladder. And those many years of persevering and dedication did not earn me wealth comparatively speaking, but filled my life with love and deep emotions among my many young learners. Life is wonderful - one leaves, others stay.

Artists: Elena (Croatia), Shin and Keene (Thailand), Jade and Sam (U.S.A.), Hanaa (India), Ben and Emma (Australia), Jason (Germany), Zane (Belgium), Kazue and Haruka (Japan)

Life Unfolding (April 22, 2009)

Way up high where no one looked
Perched a bird with hay and sticks
Lays them down, weaved and hooked
Gathered some more, moving quick.

Then as days passed, and oh I wondered
A nest was built on branches three
Quiet and still, the mother pondered
Laid some eggs with joy and glee.

Climbed the tree when all was clear
Fought the longing to find what’s in
Awesome greatness, two eggs so near
Steadily glowing paired like twins.

And as I watched the scenes unfold
Of short flights, soared back and forth
The beak from which a marvelous hold
Of food for its little babies’ growth.

Then I heard some tweeting sounds
Chattering chicks, listening mum
And as the bodies’ strengths were found
Free to fly, learn and be gone.

Now what’s left was just a nest
And life’s miraculous blessings
Of labour, love, faith and test
Of birth and growth unfolding.

(I created this simple poem to recite to my young learners in class
for them to marvel at the miracle of life.)

Burning (the) Memories ( April 19, 2009)

I always cling to what was of the past. I savour the joys brought by fond longings and memories. How do I stop myself from remembering what should have been long forgotten? My mind sees things, and recollections were then made. And when I moved away from that object or from a certain familiar situation, I was defeated by emotions. Then, I get angry and sometimes, I am lost.

Burning memories deceive the senses as one continuously live in the past. It is like the ripples created by the constant drops of rain. It is the sound of familiar and unwelcomed voices. It is the coming and going of recollections.

Burning the memories console the desires of letting the remembrance consumes our core. It is a way to let go, to take hold of one's life and to move on. It is like a fire of change, a spark of a new beginning and a light to shine through. Thus, living now becomes real.

I thought that when I gave my heart to someone, it was unconditional. It was my burning memory. But letting go of that illusion is now my way of burning the memory. I thought of accumulating sentimental things to relive the happiness. It was another burning memory. Giving away what was not needed and moving away from sentimentalities are now part of burning the memory.

The best way to remember is to make use of the knowledge and experience learned from the past. A better way is to project our visions to the future. The best is to live the present, the reality of what is 'now'.

To Choose (April 16, 2009)

Silently weeping across the cold floor
Staring on the blank walls
Vivid memories of present and past
Bounces, crosses, falls.

For all nine years of life serving
Most were hardships, less endearing
Bound by love, struggle through
What of greatness, now residue.

Fool they say is what I’ve been
The selfless love that they have seen
Far from normal, martyr-like
This soul to serve someone’s delight.

Is it love or pity that long endure
Links these souls by masked conjure
Love thy soul with open heart
Pity the giver with steady ghat.

Stumbling down mind rejects
What’s to happen if soon partakes
Logic reason, heart surrenders
Leave the emotions, mind takes over.

So within the walls that serves my shield
As trials fill the sordid battlefield
To continue and carry this heavy boulder
Or to leave with guilt, cold shoulder.

The Little Engine That Could (April 13, 2009)

This is probably a classic in children's literature and had been a favourite during the holiday season. As the toys were in dire need of help to be transported to the city, the first three trains that passed by didn't offer help but were also arrogant, proud, and helpless. The last train gave them hope as the little Blue Train not only asked kindly about the toy's dilemma but also offered her help to carry them around the mountain to reach their final destination.

An article about Dr. A P Nikhil "Jai" in Bangkok Post's the magazine tells about the story of Dr. Jai who is a self-made millionaire. He firmly believes that helping is not giving alms to the poor but rather giving them a chance to work on their own by providing them with the basic necessities of life: food, clothing and shelter. By these provisions, the underprivileged can rise up and get on with their lives. However, this kind of generosity can materialize only when one has the resources of which he have.

Not everyone will extend help to give us what we need at that particular time. It may be money, time, a listening ear or companionship that we seek but the trains of our lives will not be stopping at each wave of our hand. Sometimes, we have to deal with the situation on our own. We need to look after ourselves. Lucky if we get to stop an arriving train on its track so we can hop on and arrive our destination.

The likes of Dr. Jai is rare, but the desire to help others is abundant. In our own little ways, we could extend our sympathy and lend some of our time. In our own little ways, we could make another life one more mile worth to live. Little people like us, just like the little engine, are not mere breathing mortals. It is only human, and humane, to reach out to others.

Friend or Foe (April 11, 2009)

Pulling out some weeds, I heard some rustling sound above me. I looked up and saw two squirrels jumping from one tree to the next. One was brave enough to pose for a photograph. After nibbling on some bark, a bird came swooping down and gave it a peck. The squirrel went up, higher and higher, jumped to the roof and then disappeared.

I went with my usual chores and found a fallen mango fruit with big bites on it. I wished it had not fallen so that it will all be consumed rather than being feasted on the ground by fruit flies and giant millipedes. But, food chain goes like this. It is the way nature works.

When this visitor of mine came to eat and play, I do not mind one or two of the mangoes being chewed up. However, if each and every fruit will be bitten, this is unacceptable. I waited for the trees to give me fruits and while the wait is long, these squirrels find their way to be in my garden and feasts to their delights. On the other hand, the fruits of the trees are nature's bounty to be shared by both men and animals. In a way, I help feed these critters while they eat the insects that harbour the trees. It's a give and take situation.

I have met a number of people who had taken advantage of other's weaknesses or good faith. They have broken friendships, cross-over barriers and eventually made enemies. When one hand is given out, they pull your entire arm. When one word is spoken, they give you scowls or they ruffle your feathers.

Friend or foe? When you meet someone in your life, how could you be sure that the person is a friend to keep or a foe to be wary of? Some smiles are deceiving. Some smiles are genuinely given. However, intentions cannot be based on mere actions and words. Time will surely test the elements of knowing each other. Friend or foe, it is difficult to decide.

Conflicting Neighbours (April 08, 2009)

From a small house with a garden, I moved to an apartment where I furnished them with simple furnitures and electrical appliances. I brought with me two pick-up truck full of plants so as to make the place airy and bright. I placed some at the back of the house, some at the terrace and the biggest ones in front of the small garage. I was living serenely when I started hearing things from my next door neighbour. They hated my dogs, they hated my plants, they hated my presence.

Since I do my special tutorials at home, a number of cars do actually park in front of my gate mostly during the afternoons and Saturdays. My neighbours hated that. When I water the plants, the excess water flows to their side and they would come out and sweep furiously even if I water the plants at ten in the evening. My neighbours hated that. And when I arrive on my bike, they usually announced loudly that I am back. My neighbours hated me and I hated them for that.

I moved after six months and had the pleasure of meeting peace loving neighbours and very accomodating people. When I removed the cobblestones to turn it into a garden patch, my neighbours were there to encourage me. I loved them for that. When I work till ten in the evening improving my yard, my neighbours would simply dropped by and say I am doing an amazing job. I loved them for that. When I do some reading while sipping tea over at the garden, another neighbour will pop his head and smile at me. I loved him for that and I loved them in return.

Then I need to move again and this time it started very well with my neighbours until they started extending their house. The noises came everyday even on Sundays. The pile of debris just keeps on growing right inside my yard. My plants were dying as each and every bricks or pieces of used lumber were thrown on top of my growing plants. It was like they extended their house towards mine though there was an ironed fence. I discovered that the workers climbed the gate so that they can work from my side. It was horrifying. It was pure madness!

When I asked the owner if his workers can be tidy and considerate, I received no answers. He gave me a smirk on his face and then walked away. If hell exists, then this man is the devil incarnate. I was even told and to quote, "Speak to my son, he works in the government." The construction stopped after six months and everything returned to normal but not my senses. I am still furious because there were no apologies, no retributions, and no spoken words of kindness. I thought of my revenge but I decided I will be facing a losing battle.

Things have improved as I changed my attitude, my surroundings and my nicey-nicey manners. I started becoming unfriendly and unperturbed by their presence. I gated the whole house with small trees so as to privately claim my territorial grounds. I became hermit-like.

Our neighbours are supposed to be our support system as we co-exist in one place. But greed and envy permeates, as well as guilt and lost of face. So when I am compounded again by a situation like I mentioned, I've learned my lesson. It's time for true colours.

It's Just Impossible (April 05, 2009)

Understanding others had been a struggle for many because of man's complications. One person is simply not the same as the one beside him or her. Each and every one has their own uniqueness and whims so that we either make friends or enemies.

In work, we seems to be doing good until a colleague starts talking bad. In school, we seems to be doing partnerships with our classmates until the group started to drift. In social situations, one can always feel that cracks have started to show up thus the unexpected fall.

I have been working in my school for nearly six years now and still cannot comprehend the actuations of a colleague. We had our moments of bouts, ready to explode if left unattended. Our morning meets are always tense. Exchange of greetings are usually not reciprocated. I am either unheard of, non-existent or being given a cold shoulder. I was told that this colleague of mine is moody, ever-changing and has a world of her own but I cannot buy them. By not believing I end meeting the person everyday with no exchanges or cordial greetings. We exist like ghosts staying in corners not to spook but to be left unnoticed.

I find going to school tedious not because of my students, I love them so much, but because of the few occasions I cross path with my colleague. No amount of generous talking have mend our relationship as workers. It is trying to be genial with fake smiles that keeps us together. Though I wanted to be in a place where I can be friends with everyone, it is not feasible as personalities are so complicated we can always find someone who will dislike us.

The head of the school knows about this and other colleagues as well. They are treated the same way. I just wish that all our concerned talks with that fellow colleague will make her change her ways, one of these days.

Meanings (April 01, 2009)

To see the world in many hues

And wander in my garden through

Delight the senses, search the soul

Mindfulness, take control.

Crimson red, fierce and fiery

Pink in paper thin sanctuary

Delicate and ever so dainty

One so quiet, the other flaunty.

Purple’s passion, rich and enduring

It’s dark coloration, bold and striking

Yet lavender takes a prominent place

Elegance, refinement, youthful grace.

Though just a dash of pale blue shows

Symbol of peace and serenity grows

The message of new, rich beginnings

Has yellow for its endearing meaning.

Vibrant optimism and welcome renewal

Green is the precious well-kept jewel

Warm feelings and energy needs

The passion of life in orange indeed.

So a little walk in my garden bright

May strike a spark to make a light

This life of mine though empty filled

The many colours, their presence fulfill.

Jonathan