I remain standing despite many painful things. Of recent was the lost of someone important, a broken chain of friendship, the lack of support from friends, and the seemingly callous acts of people around me.
I remain standing despite my fears from a burglary, the isolation of everyday, the loneliness that permeates the air, and the cowardice to build a relationship.
I remain standing despite a disapproved career advancement request, a blow to my colour as a person, the questioning intention of a growing friendship, and the lost of faith in people.
And today while I hang my clothes for drying, I am shouting to myself, "Cry, Jonathan, cry." and I did. I kneeled on the floor sobbing while holding the wet clothes on my face. I pity myself for being alone and lonely.
I wish I can withstand the pain so that I could mask my sadness with smiles. I know it's a phase, but I sure had enough of many things.
So sad to hear about these setbacks... a burglary is so invasive, the sanctity of your space and safety broken. I feel for you, my friend.
ReplyDeleteI wish there was something I could do to help heal these feelings of loneliness you experience. Not sure what that would be, I'll surely try my best not to lose contact with you for so long again and please know that I would always be there for you however I could whenever you needed me. A lot of us out here really love you a lot.