The End

In his daily prayers he only asked for someone to love him in return. His first encounter with love was through a personal advert. It was very exciting to read the post and then he just realized he was already mailing a short letter of introduction. Days passed and he was very ecstatic as to whether he will get a reply or not. Then after a few days, it came. Holding on to the envelope as if a treasured gift, he immediately tore the flap and ran into his room. While reading the short note, he felt giddy, like a teenager ready for his first puppy love. 

It was the first time in his life that somebody wanted to see him after all. Thinking that someone was interested to what he had to offer. With two or three more letters and some phone calls afterwards, he agreed for a meet. The morning was the longest ever as he had mixed emotions whether to show up or not. It was the lack of self-confidence. Since he was frail looking and bony, the only good thing he saw in himself was his sincerity, if not for friendship but for love. 

He was dressed to impress, not for wealth since he had none, but to look decent and interesting. Afraid of being late, he left the house an hour earlier than the expected meet. The heat of the afternoon sun and the warm breeze  bothered him not a bit. It was the passing time that was killing him as it gets shorter and shorter. The constant glances to his unbranded watch as if time stopped. Then...

An image he had pictured in his mind came into view, then into focus as his eyes were only to a certain direction. He offered a smile and then small conversations. The other, just a nod, and looking uneasy. For him, he wasn't feeling good seeing the reaction, an innate instinct in him was telling him that something was wrong. It was probably the gaps between one liner to another or the eerie silence when no one can ask anything anymore. Then the question of whether he arrived by car or by foot. Asking him if he had his personal car or not. His face fell since the only thing he was holding at that time was his hope. His hope to stay afloat and strong. His hope to be liked, or be accepted. He had nothing, material wise, and it was all that were questioned.

A few more minutes, they parted ways for no good reasons. It was so business like, upon seeing the merchandise, either buy it or not. He was left standing at the corner of a busy street, looking gloom, feeling rejected, being lost in words, and most of all, believed that he was a nobody. He had no idea how he went back home. All he remembered were the unending days of sadness and tears that flooded his bed. He felt devastated, and just because of one meet.

He went with his life the usual way: attending school, working part time, and being alone in the confines of his small room. He left the world of merry making and meeting friends. His rejection became his crown of thorns. He kept on saying and believing that there will be no love for him because of his looks, his stature in life, and his personality. It was months of agonizing pain, without anybody knowing of what transpired, as he kept them to himself the whole time. 

The longing to belong and be accepted became so much of a goal that for every small endeavours, his expectations run high, and eventually great sorrows were felt for every rejections or cold shoulder. It was gruelling for him to live. It was always a question of why's and when's. The circle went on and on even when he tried to be better, not for those things he cannot be, but in other aspects. It was a lost battle. He was in the wrong place at the wrong time, meeting the wrong people.

One day while walking through a deserted park as it was high noon, he decided to sit down on a bench facing the calm water. Reflecting his life for every minute movement, all he saw were the faces of those people who gave him so much pain. The trees, as if frozen in time, gave an eerie feeling to his haunting presence. The leaves that scattered along the concrete path were dry and rust brown in colour, like each passing days of his life. 

Gazing through the still water, he stood up, unmindful of the rustles created by walking barefoot. He looked up as if mumbling something to the sky and bowed down. The water, inviting, then a dive. Unmindful of the coldness, his body surrendered. No more fights, no more struggles, with his last breathe, a final goodbye, it is the end.

In silence I live. In silence I die.