Opposites (May 24, 2009)

Sunny skies and dark rains
Hope emanates and lucid pains
Rocky paths and smooth sails
Hurting words and comfort bails

And each leaf that falls on the ground
Is swept by the wind and turned upside down
The moment of magic starts to unwind
When from its death, growth to find.

Brown patches and spotless whites
Sore bumps and flawless bright
Heavy weights and feathery loads
Stressful life and holiday mode

And each sea star that’s wash ashore
Stranded life drying and sore
Fancied by someone to take home
Washed and made into a décor.

Royal stand and shabby mien
Form deceiving and presence unseen
Dagger pierces and tender care
Hurting words and comfort flair.

And each heavy steps my feet partake
Deliver pains and tendons break
My spirit’s intact as I stroll
Free to stand amidst the fall.

Hold My Hand (May 19, 2009)

"Hold my hand and I'll walk with you."

The teacher's role in school is not just to educate young learners' minds about the world but also to support their growth physically, emotionally and socially. It is also the task of educators to make sure that each and every child is taken care of no matter what. Leave down days at home, start the class with exuberance, sustain the energy throughout, lead and be led and finish the day with a reassuring smile. And as I send my students home, those waves and smiles mean that they will be going back to their comfort zone. And that they will share to their parents new learning acquired during the day.

Some children seek assurance from their teachers, be it a seat work or just to sit down for story telling or sharing. Children naturally crave for attention and some will hold your hand and guide you to their choice of activity. Some will seek your friendship and some will ask for your warm embrace.

I give them all - the hugs, the words of wisdom, the assurances, the honesty, and the love. My students are just five years of age but they bring to school a massive wealth of curiosity, trust, and love. When I go back after work, I am physically exhausted but happy because I am a part of my students' growth. But what these children do not know is that I am just like them looking for assurance, guidance and friendship.

I also wanted to be heard and be accepted. I wanted to gain trusting friends and be surrounded by loving people. I wanted to follow a road where I will be safe, away from harm. I also wanted to hear someone say to me, "Jonathan, everything will be fine, hold my hand and I'll walk with you."

Gifts : Hope, Joy and Faith (May 16, 2009)

To give myself a gift would mean to cheer myself up, just like how shopping or drinking sprees give instant gratification to others. I remember being alone on my birthday and how I indulged myself in purchasing four pairs of shoes to make myself happy. I also go to the nearest branded shop to buy myself cookies and chocolates, to blame for my growing tummy. I literally jumped to the nearest bookstore to find something to collect even if I don't need any anymore. It's just becoming redundant and boring.

A colleague visited recently from the US. She was gracious enough to bring for us trinkets and I got this small angel from her. Believe me that nobody knows how much lonely I am right now, but the word in that small packet with the brass angel reminded me to be cheerful. That something will always come after the rain.


And while checking the situation in my garden of the dying plants, I stumbled upon a plant that sprouted its tiniest flowers that gave me joy. I have been blessed again by being offered another rare feast for my eyes and soul. It had always been surprises after surprises, plants bearing exceptional flowers rarely seen.


And upon hearing that my mother suffered a mild stroke just last week, I felt weak as I hear her struggle to speak with me with her unclear and sometimes garbled speech. I am stress out. However, her words of comfort to me are clearly a motherly act. Instead of telling her to take care of her health, she is even concerned about mine. She is suffering right now but she made a point to show me that we all have our battles to fight and if we are together in these battles, we will see good results. We need to believe.


These gifts are rarely seen because we tend to busy ourselves with the ways of the world. They are within reach. You cannot buy them because they are for free. They are wondrous gifts extended by our families, by our closest and true friends and by our Lord.

To Be Angry (May 12, 2009)

When Sophie Gets Angry is a Caldecott Honour Book written by Molly Bang. The title itself is a gist of what the short story is all about. Sophie, in her destructive mood opted to run away from home and calm herself with the serenity offered by nature. In itself, the book is about anger control or management. It is a reminder that people handle their anger in many different ways.

I was to get something from my cupboard when I was seen by a colleague in school. She was having a class so I sneaked in quietly so as not to disturb. I was taken aback when out of the blue, a comment such as this was spoken to my face, right in front of the students and an assistant teacher. "Hi! You look like my driver today. Would you like to be my driver? Your English is much better than him. " Dumbfounded, I answered with grace and said, "Not unless you have a voice activated car as I don't know how to drive." With a smile I left the room.

Though I felt betrayal in those words, I opted to stay calm and at peace. It was very uneasy to hear those remarks as I wasn't expecting them to be made by a colleague. My physical appearance and my bearing had given her a comparative declaration to put colours as a stigma. When Jonathan gets angry, I cry. And the tears gave me a breather, a sound mind, and a loving heart to let go. I'll let go of that comment as I had let go of stories of discrimination and unfairness from the past.

Visakha Bucha had just passed, the great day to commemorate Buddha's birth, life and enlightenment. With the lessons on moderation and mindfulness, anger should be dealt not in a disturbing way but through a series of healing. Sophie might be a fictional character but she dealt her anger in good manner and Jonathan will do the same.

There Will Always Be... (May 10, 2009)

With all the things that is happening around me and people I know, the garden which is my refuge offers its sympathy. Despite of the daily care and the watering, some of them are withering and there are a few who are dying.

Our destiny is dictated by fate but as we thread the road to life, choices are given and made. Our destiny might be high and mighty or humbly serving others. Some destinies might be to find a lost dream or to fight on a daily basis to survive. Other destinies might be just plain old fashioned living or a struggle to fit in. And as we put together the thread of life's mysteries, we either find the light or be lost in the web of perplexities. Our constant fight to understand the situations, the actions, the reactions, and the results baffle us to the core. Some rejoice to their success, others succumb to failure and defeat. The intricacies are numerous.

There are things in life that we cannot fight but it does not mean that we have to surrender. Our purpose is not served if we just give up and by letting the course lead us to confusion and sadness. There are things in life that are unacceptable in the beginning but as we breathe, things rather change giving us hope.

My dying plants were securely positioned in their own areas of security until nature took its course. And how much I try to feed them with care, it is time for them to say goodbye. But the fight within my own self is still there. I give hope so that they may grow again. I offer shade for the plants to revive themselves from the elements of nature's fiery heat and climate change. I employ the same strategies for myself to seek solace and peace within these turbulent times.

My plants become a source of inspiration to lead a hopeful life, that things do not end because of one tragedy. My plants will become reminders of the outside forces difficult to control, but things can be contained. My life is a whirlwind of problems, but there is always a way and a will.

Glasses ( May 06, 2009)

I've been wearing prescription glasses since I was in middle school. It wasn't comfortable in the beginning as I have to wear them to read far away so that I could copy the words on the board. The glasses made me look like a geek, but for some, I look like a national hero: smart looking and preppy. Anyway, I had been using spectacles since then and until now; I had been changing them every two years.

When I use my glasses, it helped me look at the board, see the words and aid me to learn. I still use glasses but in a different way, to see what is far and to understand the distance between me and the object I am trying to see.

My words for the last two entries cannot be seen by the naked eyes. The meanings do not come in the form of explanations and rhetoric. The ideas were not reflected as the entries were both vague and open-ended. It wasn't a writing style as the entries were written in one sitting. It was mind over-flowing, and reactions that cannot be controlled.

But the glasses the readers need to understand the meanings are not the ones used to better our visions. The glasses needed come from the heart of the readers, to see the written words and to read beyond its font and structures.

Sometimes in life, we cannot see what is in front of us. Sometimes in life, we use vision aids but still act blind to our surroundings. Sometimes in life, we can close our eyes and then we see. For now, I needed new glasses for me to see beyond today, so that I could settle once again.

Giving One, Taking Two ( May 04, 2009)

And so when one is experiencing troubles, one is ought to now thy good friends.

I rarely experience grief as I am a very positive person. I see the beauty of my surroundings even if the world is fast and ever changing. I speak about mindfulness, about love of nature, about the rich experiences of teaching and about the comfort and love in living. I write pleasant notes and share wonderful feelings. I sought the words of others because I learn to live a better life.

So now that the world had turned against me, I felt that all those braggings of pleasantries had given me shame for I cannot help but surrender to this unwelcomed twist in this chapter of my life. I gave up in many ways consuming my time in selfish crying and pitiful moments. Like a soap opera, I wandered into the many series of events compounded by mournings and helplessness. Unlike the soap opera, mine is for real, and not made for viewing pleasures.

And then I sought for comfort in the hands of people around me. I became more vulnerable and within this time of vulnerability, I was being preyed. Just as I dragged myself out of the desert path thirsty and beaten, the hovering vultures spread themselves ready to attack. And they did!

How could a person not feel the sorrow in my heart when they see that I am in my moment of grief? So instead of extending a hand, my hands were literally being ripped. They knew that it was my weakest moment and they took advantage. I cringed and had this indescribable feeling of hatred and anger. I felt betrayed.

I wanted people to know that when life had been cruel to us, let that cruelty makes us stronger rather than weak for there are those who will take not one but more of what we can give.

Washing The Fears With Tears (May 02, 2009)

Turbulent would probably summed up my month of April. It started with a close friend who met a very unfortunate circumstance and I suffered tremendously. It continued with no support from friends and along came the vultures. I was about to give up and succumbed to the failures of existence. I was about to exhaust the last breathe as I hold on to nothing. It was terribly bad and I am still feeling it.

So for the past weeks my tears are my constant companion. My grief and my spinning head deliver unsurmountable pain as I wake up, start the day and go through. I am glad to have had the company of my students who are my sunshines. I am glad to have the words of wisdom of those who made their presence felt. But evening time creates a mood of fear and of worries. I cannot sleep well. I am haunted by loneliness, separation and uncertainties.

I cry during cab rides. I cry when I fold the washings. I cry when I dry the dishes. I literally cry every moments of being alone in the company of misery and self-pity. But those tears had been making me stronger. Those tears had been giving me hope to believe. One tear drop washes away one hair of insanity. And the amount of salty water that had dried up on my cheeks had been helping me breathe better. For all these will pass, as I write my sorrows and pray for better days.

Whoever you are, I needed your prayers badly.