You Are My Sunshine (January 31, 2009)

One song I always teach the children in my class is the song, " You Are My Sunshine" and one day, after singing, I asked the children who the sunshine of their lives is. Most of them answer their friends. Another set answered their family members. And then I became silent and asked myself who my sunshine is.

How do I put someone to be my sunshine? Should I go for familial affinity such as my mum and my dad? Should I include siblings or close relatives? Should I make mention of friends or acquaintances? Should I just zero in with the people I love, in the past or the present?

This is one question I feel difficult to answer. I shouldn't be asking my students this when I myself cannot give a simple answer. As the song also says, "You make me happy when skies are grey." And right now, the sky hovering my head is heavy and gloomy yet I don't see anyone casting it out.

As I was watering the garden plants this late afternoon, my feelings were like the falling leaves and the yellowing colours around. I felt so empty. I am alone.

The song ends with, "Please don't take my sunshine away." but in my case right now, I am asking for someone to take the dark skies away so that I can see the sunshine.

Opposites (January 25, 2009)

Some years ago, I attend a different church service/sect because I was invited to by a former colleague in school. I went with her and right after the service, I was introduced to some fellows of which I found to be very pleasant. We all became lunch buddies and occasional movie goers. I also enjoyed the sermons as they are practical and devoid of guilt trips. I also enjoyed singing in the choir and being part of some special celebrations done in different venues.

It was good! One day, my friend who was manning the welcome desk of the church was feeling terribly bad because of her heartbreak. She was crying so I volunteered to take her place momentarily. But that momentary break was the one that made me decide I was in the wrong place.

A lady came and asked me where she could ask information about a prayer group she wanted to join. I looked at the list and saw a name of which I was familiar with. I excused myself and went straight to the prayer leader and told him that someone was interested to join his group. I was surprised when he told me, "Just give her some information, I am in a hurry to go home."

Afterwards, a man came and told me he was new in the church and came to the welcome desk as nobody seemed to be warm enough to show him some smiles or extend him some greetings. I told him I was just a reliever but welcomed him as well.

I didn't know that the welcome I was extending meant to be my last day in that church. I realized a church is a group of people and not the structure. And if the group of people were cold, then it meant that the church cannot extend its major goal of spreading the Word of God.

I left that day with a heavy heart because for all those times, I thought that the church goers were true to their words of sincerity and warmth with welcoming arms. So when another colleague asked me to attend hers, and at present giving me a cold shoulder, I declined.

I may not be a regular church goer but I make it a point that I practise what I learned from my family. Our actions should be a reflection of what we preach.

A Big Thank You (January 22, 2009)

Coming home from school, I was surprised to find a package on the ground right inside the gate of my house. It reminded me of a gift exactly lying at the same spot last year. I picked it up and carried it to my house and saw that the mail was from the same person who remembers my birthday for two years now.

It was a book and not just an ordinary book but a celebration of the beauty of Australia as a nation captured in a song called Advance Australia Fair and coupled with history and paintings from some of Australia's finest artists such as Frederick McCubbin, Tom Roberts, Margaret Preston and others.

The book itself is already a great gift but I know deep inside that the person who gave this book to me treasure the friendship I offered and share the same sentiments of a preschool teacher like me. He knows what I like, books, and the combination of arts and music in one made it so very special.

Giving is a pleasure but receiving something special from a good friend makes my birthday more meaningful. Friendship knows no bounds, no age, no colour, and no cultural differentiation. It is something free, like seeds thrown in the fields, to grow with love and care.

Thank you once again, Stephen.

Presents (January 20, 2009)

I received a red stone from one student of mine during Christmas time. She gave it to me and told me, "I painted the stone myself." It was accompanied by a small photograph of her family and my name written by that particular child. What makes the gift stood out was her sincerity to give me a token of her gratitude for the term that passed. She was happy to be in my class and she appreciated all the help during the last five months of school. She was returning the blessings with something she made with her own hands. A wonderful gift from a child.

The Lord gave me a lot of opportunities during the last year that made my life better. When I lost a student for special tutoring, a new call was received immediately inquiring for special classes. When I was balancing my accounts for credit card expenses, I would learn how not to spend but save the remaining extras to pay for the balance. I walked at the market every week but had managed to hold myself from purchasing new things which I don't really need. My impulsive character to buy things had diminished. He gave me control of my life of which I am grateful for. He was my sole provider, giving me what I needed during down days. He listened when I was complaining and sent my friends to visit when I was in distress. I received visitors from Singapore, New Zealand, Australia, France and Japan. They were excellent companions and good friends.

Till this day, He is still providing me the strength to move on. He still guides me with decision making through prayers. He is always watching me. Nowadays, I do feel surrendering as I am feeling miserable throughout. There must be a reason behind this. But in everything that is happening, His presence in my life will always be my present for life.

Packing and Unpacking (January 16, 2009)

After a few years of graduating from the university, I have heard stories of friends who had been fortunate enough to be sent abroad because of their educational background and work experiences. I have heard their sense of independence and maturity. I have heard about their travels and explorations. I envied them. I wanted to be like them.

Little did I know that all these leaving and moving entails a lot of hardships and sacrifices. Being away from one's family for a long time is always first and foremost a big challenge. Living alone and making a life becomes a fight for survival and acceptance in a new setting. Working and proving one's worth becomes an everyday debacle. It is not all roses.

And when we move out, we pack our things such as clothes, mementos, some books, pictures, and others. We pack and bring the love and care of our family members. We pack the joy and camaraderie shared amongst friends. We pack the little courage and will to succeed coupled with prayers and determination to our next destination.

Then we unpack the things we bring along: material and immaterial things. We unpack whatever courage and happiness we brought along to the new land. We unpack the stories and sharings we remembered in our minds. We unpack the love we gently brought in our hearts. The unpacking becomes our glimpse of what we can only carry.

Time had made us strong. The surroundings had made us stronger. Our experiences had made us learn. Our dealings with people had given us wisdom. Our struggles to belong had made us reach further. Our own decisions gave us life.

I left not because I wanted to but because I needed to. I left with none of the packages I mentioned. I left with little money, with no lingering familial ties, no visible encouragements from people around me though some close friends gave their support and wishes of luck. I have nothing to pack when I left but the many years of living alone had given me things to collect, accolades to gather, accomplishments to look back, and life worth mentioning.

So now I unpack my dreams to others, my stories to share, my wisdom to give, and my time to express how life have been. It is not about packing material things but it is about packing the goodness of life and the joys of living. It is not about unpacking what we have accumulated through our savings, but the chance to show to people that they too, can pursue their dreams.

Just The Way You Are (January 12, 2009)

Max Lucado is indeed a prolific writer and his execution using simple characters and real situations are very interesting. His has a religious tone but very subtle, that even non-Christians are able to relate.

The story is about a king who was interested in adopting five children. The adults were jostling the children to impress the king so that when the first four children showed the best of their abilities. The last child has nothing to be proud of, as she has no great talent, without realizing that it is her great heart and caring attitude that will win the king’s attention.

When I meet people, I try to see the goodness in them by engaging them in pleasant talk. I try to make them comfortable when they come to my house, or when we meet outside, or when we are first introduced. I have no idea how they perceive me as a person during the first meet. All I know is that I have been showing the real me.

I happened to meet a new person during the holidays and the exchange of pleasantries was good enough. I was impressed by his ability to be jovial and helpful as I was purchasing something major from a shop. I was impressed by his honesty to tell me the pros and cons of buying such a thing. It was a relaxing feel and not intimidating.

I made friends, I initiated it. I was honest enough to tell him that his character is what I was looking for in friends. And since I always wanted to have new ones while keeping the old, I place my hope that it is going to be mutual. I was wrong.

His is a business persona, a quality that most companies will take as strength. Mine was a longing to have more and more people to be with, a seemingly show of insecurity. I was mistaken. This is a lesson learned.

I was impressed with this person’s personality without realizing that it is all a show, a part of his job. I should be like the king in the story.

Like the four children in the story, impressing the king became their sole goal and the king did not take that as assets. It was the quiet demeanour of the youngest child and her simplicity made her the child of the king.

Impression (January 9, 2009)

I have seen and felt the feelings of being new fathers and mothers from my sister and brothers. They were beaming with pride as they embraced their newborn child. I also remember seeing families walking around the parks or the malls and see their faces as one happy family. I have met a lot of beautiful families and they are always been role models for me.

I have no children of my own as I have never ventured into the life of having my own family. It must be the fear or the lost opportunity or a choice to remain single. The best part though is being a teacher to wonderful children from all around the globe. There had been many stories of praises and encouragements. There had been many stories of challenges and defeats. There are many big presents that are laid upon year after year, the gift of teaching three's and four's.

While having a class, a message was relayed to me that I received a small envelope from a former student. After class, I got the envelope and slowly opened the flap as instructed. Inside was an illustration of a giraffe which most of my former and present students know as my favorite animal. I was happy. I smiled and placed the picture in my bag for keeping.

The next day, I met the dad of that boy and he said, "I don't know what it is between you and Zane but he remembers you and misses you so much. He drew that picture and insisted to give it to you in person but you were in your class. You have made such an impact on him."

I only gave love and I believe it is just being returned.

Little Angel Big Heart 3 (January 05, 2009)

As a teacher, I am inspired by the many interesting and unique individuals in my class, past and present batches. Last year, I had this wonderful child from Germany. She was very aloof at first taking her time to lighten up and merge with the routines of the classroom. She wasn’t the talker type, a listener perhaps who had been listening and observing each and every ways of her peers and teachers. Then after some months, she started to warm up and joined herself with all our class activities and discussions.

After some months of being in my class, the family announced that they will be moving to another post, meaning to another country. I was saddened by the fact that I will lose one of my greatest assets among my treasures. I took it as a challenge though, and expected in a way that the people around me are transients, never staying for long. So giving all of myself to someone had always been a struggle but I had managed to stay more open to the leaving and coming.

They are now in Papua New Guinea but she gave me something I will remember for a very long time. Not a material gift but a warmth feeling to remember her by. “I am hugging you now because you will miss me!” And with all those hugging everyday, I am missing her, dearly.

Once in a While (January 03, 2009)

I had early dinner and then coffee with two of my most beloved friends. Both are friends from way back college when they were doing their studies (and others) in the US. Both became colleagues of mine in a school where we used to work. Both are creative, understanding and smart individuals but humble in nature.

After working for two years with each, we found ourselves bounded by certain issues pertaining school. Then our separation as we went different ways became more solid with each and every meet we schedule every year. And each and every meet has a story to tell, a gossip to share, a comment to be made, and a commitment to see each other again come what may.

Certain things are created and weaved by time. Friendship for one, amongst many. Though the time we spent with each other is less than when we were working together, it’s the chance to link again that makes it all worthwhile.

Welcome 2009! (January 01, 2009)

Something big, loud and intimidating yet genteel and serene in nature. I open 2009 with the trumpeting sound of an elephant.

Welcome 2009!