It's Merit Making Time!

The New Year is coming and it is all about merry making. Being in a predominantly Buddhist country, I find it odd that people nowadays are more about celebrating the season on a more material level. There is a saying that Buddhism is moderation, not in excess and not too little. This is applicable in many things, from the food we take, from the frivolities of modern living and from the time we spend doing our work and personal affairs.

I, myself, do not practise moderation as I am always indulging in more work rather than taking care of myself. I opted for being busy to make myself forget many things, thus the regrets that follow after. I need to change my outlook, as well as my personal intention to distract myself rather than face the problems.

This coming year is a merry making time but wouldn't it be more valuable if we make it as merit making time. Instead of acquiring wealth but missing out family, we balance our goals in life. What is power without conviction? What is life without love? We can promise ourselves to become more active in helping people, in caring more for our environment, in building stronger ties with our families and friends, and in honing ourselves to perfection. We do good things to receive goodness in return. We make merits to gain rewards in heaven. We set a good goal make a strike. 

Happy Blessed Year 2013 to all!

No Christmas Tree But...

This year, there was no Christmas tree and none of the sparkling Christmas lights that surrounds the house. However, I am still proud of my garden's decorations for this winter season, albeit no snow in Thailand, nature's gifts to me.

The mango trees bearing fruit.

The flowers abloom.

The butterflies abound.

The rest of the trees and plants are either sleeping and waiting for spring, while the others enjoy the sporadic weather change of cold, colder, hot and hotter giving me a palette of yellow, red, orange, purple, white and pink. 

By walking through the garden, the spirit of the Christmas tree and lights are magically woven in reality. Like the season's decors will have to be taken down, these nature's blessings will disappear yet with memories of beauty and blessings.

To Give, Not to Receive

A discussion ensued when one of my private tutorial students commented having not much presents for Christmas. She was particularly commenting about how people give less or little. I was adamant to tell her some things in my mind but I did and I am to share in here.

There are people who care less about others. They never give, they only want to receive. A number of my students do not even bother to serve water when I go to their homes. I remember being in one house, and there will be a party, where drinks were a plenty but I wasn't offered any. I learned to bring my own.

There are people who give too much. There is one mom who always showers me with small things but it seems to be more of favours that she gives to receive some such as cancelling or changing schedules all the time. The last time I was there, she cancelled the classes twenty minutes before it starts so when I walked out of the compound and she found me, she offered money to compensate. I was very upset and disappointed.  I learned to say no.

There are people who give because they wanted to get something back. Someone I know even looks at the value and gives in return, with exactly the same or less the value of what she received. Some do not bother to remove price tags so I can see them. I learned to accept idiosyncrasies. 

But the most challenging to understand are the ones who connect the premise of receiving none equals being unloved, unrecognized or unappreciated. I do not get presents all the time and that people are all different. A simple nod or gesture of appreciation is much more welcomed. A card of thanks or an e-mail will suffice. I cannot make people change. I learned to change myself.

Much that I want to receive great gifts and be honoured with material things, these are all immaterial for it is in giving with heartfelt love that we get to receive something more valuable.

Presents or Presence

Christmas time again and the parents of my students were so gracious to give me presents as appreciation and for the spirit of the holidays. I received many as I have a number of students and most notably, was a camera for my everyday use in school. I got a shirt, some chocolates, a tie, some trinkets, jars of tea, and Starbucks cards. There were also some Christmas cards and e-mail messages and all were in the same line of thank yous, Christmas wishes, and holiday cheers. 

I did not go home to see my family this time of the year though it is the most fitting holiday merry making. I have personal problems and I want to iron things first. Our family is having some financial distress and it is going to help me take some time off during this Christmas season. My personal problems coupled with some from home are just so overloaded I opted for silence and absence.

Though the presents were welcoming as I find effort to celebrate with good tidings, I am now hoping that I went home for Christmas. My presence might be rewarding, though not celebratory, knowing that I was with them during this down times. My regrets...

Anyway, Merry Christmas to all!

Stories Buddha Told

One of the books in my collection is a book called I Once Was a Monkey and I use this literature piece to explore on the tenets of Buddha on a primary level.  I ask my students (6th, 4th, and 3rd grades) to choose a couple of stories woven in the piece and make reflections as to what they understand from the stories.

The author Jeanne Lee introduce us to the cycle of fables in Buddhist literature known as the Jatakas, or birth stories, which Buddha originally told to his disciples when occasion arose to illustrate his teachings. There are six retellings using animals as characters and the different fables are all intertwined as one big story.

I personally like the story of The Deceitful Heron, where the heron turns to trickery to be able to eat all the fish from the pond. At the end, the red crab had to resort to violence to get even for the death of all his fish friends. The story is sad but it teaches us valuable lessons.

From the fish perspective we all wanted to move on, to be in better grounds, or in a greener pasture. We often decide without thinking well. We often accept things without doubts and thorough examination. From the heron's perspective we wanted to get all, to acquire what we cannot have, to get rich or filled quickly with ill gains. We sometimes fall weak and succumb to greed and mean manners. From the perspective of the red crab, we have the tendency to protect our own family, to rescue our friends, to help others or defend them from harm. It is innate in us to side with our friends and family, no matter what.

As Buddha mentioned from the book, "In life, there is no reward for untruthfulness. If you trick others and are cruel to them, they will behave the same way toward you in the end." Are you the red crab who is willing to be a protector? Are you the heron who will resort to deceit? Or the fish who craves for a good life desperately sans the sane thinking?

Be good and show your goodness in all your actions, big or small.

12-12-12

Must be an auspicious day so I am writing to commemorate the highlights of this year. As today marks the 12th of December, 2012 or 12/12/12, I will have to share twelve important things that happened this year as a way to celebrate, to be grateful for, and to reflect the best and not so best things in 2012.

1. It was the first time I didn't celebrate my birthday, not because I turned older but because there was no excuse to go out or have a party or simply indulge myself in pigging out. I opted for silence.

2. It was my first time to visit Siem Reap with two best people in the world. We have not seen each other for many years and to fly all the way from different parts of the world to see the ruins and enriched ourselves with the culture and history of Cambodia was exhilarating. I became young again.

3. I visited the Island of Chang (Elephant) and it was a welcome holiday treat after some gruelling work in school. The beach and the views were magnificent. I valued time.

4. It was my first time to visit Taipei and it was so great to meet former classmates as we gather together  in two different occasions for food and laughter. It was fun to see the many sights of Taiwan and to be with my cousin who is my awesome-mess relative by far. I renewed my friendships.

5. Snorkelling and visiting the natural environ of Bohol with two great people was a major endeavour during the summer. Seeing all those fantastic places including the dolphins and the giant turtles was all worth the walking, sitting down and waiting. I appreciated life's wonders.

6. Being surrounded by students who always love to be in my tutorials gave me some incentives to be a better teacher. I am constantly in the company of great children from Chile, Portugal, Armenia, Spain, India, America and Thailand. I gained trust and love.

7. As always, my constant quest to become my students' role model give me the challenges I need to pursue a concrete role as a teacher: to facilitate, to value and to love learning. I am bless to be in the company of children from Germany, New Zealand, America, Thailand, Japan, South Korea, Canada, Russia, Spain, and Malaysia. I built lives.

8. Having a support teacher this year to learn more about Project Work was welcoming. Though it means more work, the mere fact that I am learning again means that I am still growing as a teacher. I placed importance to growing as a person.

9. Hearing the great loss of my friend Joan and a former head of a school meant sadness and grief on my part. As I mentioned to one of my friends, their departure was like a part of me died as well. I re-evaluated my life.

10. When I decided to become generous, the people around me craved for more, and more until I cannot bear the burden. I gave up and became a prisoner of my own doing. Learning from this mistake, I vowed to be more giving but discerning. I learned to say, enough.

11. When school started this year, I was overwhelmed by the changes not only with the administration but also with the curriculum and the number of students in my class. The struggles went for some months until I saw the fruit of my labour, with the able support of my assistant. Thus, our work is rewarded by smart and loving children. I earned merit.

12. Deciding to stay put for Christmas and celebrating alone the joyous festivity meant a lot. Fortunately I was invited to be with two beautiful families where in one I get to attend Christmas Mass with them, while I get to have one wonderful dinner with another family. Staying put was my choice and I will be hoping for a better year, a better health and all that is good for me, my family, my friends and students. I wish for all that is best.

What a way to cap the year with 12 memories to cherish, to reflect and to grow.

Entangled

One of the most fascinating things I do find in the school's garden is this clump of roots that interlock each other. The tree is actually leaning against the wall since it didn't have much space to grow. Through time, the smaller roots just hang on to each other making twines and knots around the root ball.

I find life like that. When I was younger, I never had a mentor that can explain to me the basics of everything. I need to find the answers on my own.  There was experimentation made. There were series of trials and errors. Mostly, the failures I encountered ended up to be building blocks for my formation as a person.

My ideas would often be mixed. Questioning myself all the time, such as, trying to value whether something has to be taken or given up, or if something is correct or wrong. If I pursue such a desire, the consequences might not be favourable. All these questions had lingered since there was no way to take flight, it was suffocating.

Then I decided to leave my nest, to further my explorations with the best intention. To know what there is in this world that I can grow with and be proud of myself later on. The intertwining roots of my existence gave me the will to move, and to discover new grounds. Since there was no guidance from anyone, I became cautious and then started to build a life deemed proper and decent to live.

I learned many things from all these many years. One thing that I must always remember though, that however bad something is, with will and faith; we can always overcome our entanglement.

500

As a little child, 2 pesos to 5 would mean a lot. I would often go around my neighbourhood, looked for the elders and they would give me 2 or 5 pesos as Christmas money. I remember going back home, counting all those crispy bills and saying, "How rich I am."

When I was a teenager, I would save my 20 pesos by only eating 5 to 7 pesos of lunch (a plate of rich with one stick of barbeque's and some ketchup), that's all. Water was even free! The rest, I put them aside so that I can buy myself a new pencil, or some project related materials for school. 

When I went to the university, I always end up going with a friend who owned a small eatery by another university so we can eat for free. His mom would be very caring and we always enjoyed her delicious meals. I saved my money so I can buy a new shirt or a book to read.

I earn very little when I started teaching but I managed to survived my first year because of the university allowance I get from my graduate school studies. I was already spending two thirds of my salary for transportation purposes alone leaving with very little to buy food or drinks. 

These were just snippets of my early life and most of these highs and lows of being me are transcribed in my blog for years now. 500 is a big number and I am celebrating my 500th entry, 502 actually, with this recollection of tales: friendships made and lost, family dramas, learning experiences, travels and good fortunes.

Will I made it to 600, I don't know but it was a blast having my thoughts shared to some very few. Thanks for the visits. 

The Beauty of Flowers

 

I noticed that flowers had been blooming everywhere including in my garden and with the abundance of fluttering butterflies, I decided to share some photos taken when I visited a flower exhibit in October.

There were plentiful of orchids and premium flowers on display and each arrangement conveyed different themes and feelings.

Birds and nests were added to create a dramatic display nature is never selfish of letting us enjoy.

Overcast was a bunch of roses in bloom and the sweet aroma permeated the air, temporarily or for a few days but worth it.

I have never seen orchids so grand what with this two flower arrangement and it was a marvelous rendition of being with nature's beauty at a reach.

And my favourite of them all, an umbrella of flowers. 

If only that flowers will shower upon us each day to give beauty and hope and love,then, I will forever be smiling.

Gifts: Repost and Recollections

I wrote this piece five years ago and since it will be Christmas again, I wanted to reflect whether I was able to offer these gifts to myself and to the people around me, colleagues, friends and even to strangers.

If I have to give three presents for Christmas, I would be opting for these:

Time
It had been a whirlwind of activities for the past years that I am always moving in and out day and night. I am practically working for almost twelve hours and when I surrender home, I am exhausted. I didn't have enough time for myself and for my friends. I didn't give enough time for others.

Reflections: No, I am even busier nowadays because I chose to be, to escape things and be away from all troubles. When some resort to drinking because of their problems, I went working the whole week, no excuses for Sundays. However, I gave some time to myself and to two groups of friends when I decided to meet them this year, one in Siem Reap and the other, in Taipei. 

Understanding
I always think that things can be explained without much effort. So in dealing with people, I expect them to understand what was being discussed or communicated upon. I was wrong! I have to understand that people operate in many levels. Some are fast thinkers while some needs time to process information. This is probably one of my greatest need, the need to understand people.

Reflections: Yes, there were less anger on my part because I gave up explaining. I just agree to things and when there was much to disagree, I just let others handle the situations.

Love
Easy to say but giving and receiving love had been a big issue for me. Many had loved me in many ways. My students, my fellow workers, my family, my friends, and others had been giving and forgiving of my lack of effort to reciprocate. In the end, I am lost and lonely. I need to open my heart and give. Those people who had been understanding and forgiving had been showing me that it is not late to give in return.

Reflections: My students had always been the reason why I still live and the only reason I can recall. I had loved a few but they were not returned while some were kept interests on my part, knowing that I will be rejected. I have no regrets for not being in a healthy relationship. I only regret being in a situation I cannot escape.