Writing (November 23, 2007)

I am writing things in my blog to remind me of my life as a person. I am writing them for me, as a reminder to myself and to those who wanted to be part of my life, digitally.

It was many years ago when I started writing a diary. The diary was just a narration of my everyday affairs and was quite boring in content. It served as a reminder of what I have done and what I need to do. It was a narration of events, names, and people I have met.

In this blog, I write what I feel. I write what I think and reflect on it afterwards. I used the entries to help me cope with living. I used the entries to digitally write my life. It will serve as a reminder for things and also as a reflection of things passed.

One Among Many (November 20, 2007)

It was during the accident that I realized a lot of things about people. I went back to the hotel wearing a cast and carrying two walking supports. I didn't make it the morning of the seminar but the organizers gave me a visit in my room. I attended the afternoon session and the remaining three days.

When handouts were given, the speaker asked the participants to get their copies from a table and that they were not enough for everyone. Of course, I wasn't able to get one. During coffee break, I was lining up along with many people. When it was my turn I asked for coffee and the server told me to go to the other side as cups and saucers were all gone. I was infuriated but kept my calm. When I went out of the hotel, I was given sneers by the people around and overheard them saying, "He can't walk yet he dare go around."

There was only one soul who helped me in one of my many times of neglect and self-pity. I didn't have the chance to get her name but I thanked her with all my heart. She saw me during the long queue for coffee and offered me one as she asked me to sit down and wait for her. Such a magnificent lady, the only one different among the 200 people who attended the seminar.

Now I know the feeling of those who are physically disadvantaged. It takes an accident for me to realized we are indeed very lucky.

Loneliness (November 15, 2007)

It was many years ago when I met an accident while riding a motorbike. I was just a passenger since I don't actually drive any motorized vehicle. Anyway, it was one of the scariest moments in my life.

When I brought to the nearest clinic, I bursted in tears. Not because my foot and knee were hurting too much and not because of the blood coming out of my skin. I cried when I was asked, "You alone, no friend?" The clinic can't take care of me so I was transported to a nearby hospital and when I was discharged, I was crying inside my hotel room for being alone.

The experience became a good lesson for me. I realized that one can never be alone in this world. One needs to reach out to gain friends. One needs company from time to time. It is an emotional need. It is a must, so we may enjoy living.

Traits to Treasure (November 13, 2007)

Recently, I met another beautiful lady through a friend I met in Inner Mongolia. They are actually sisters and both radiates beauty and intelligence. They are both products of an international school where I used to teach. Me, being one of the kindergarten teachers and them, as students in the primary grades.

There are three things that strike me during the short meet: their intelligence, their perspective in life and their humility. I have met a lot of people who are wealthy but very arrogant, who are beautiful but very snobbish, and who are intelligent but with boorish manners. These two sisters are millions of miles away from the definition of arrogance. They are honourable individuals. They are eye-openers for me.

When one is educated, it doesn't mean that he or she is a beacon of good manners. A degree doesn't earn you fine bearing. When one is beautiful, it doesn't mean that she is the same within. An elegant face does not guarantee a good heart. When one is popular, it doesn't mean that she or he is well-liked. Screaming and adoring fans does not make us heroes.

Let us be humble in our beginnings and in our own little ways. Let us be proud but subtle in our achievements and successes in life. Let us be more human than just mere person of this world. It is far better to live in silent greatness than exist in loud degradation.

Maybe, A Series Part 5 (November 12, 2007)

Maybe. . you should always try to put yourself in others' shoes. If you feel that something could hurt you, it probably will hurt the other person,too.

One of the weakness I have is too much symphathy for many things. I do not enjoy seeing people getting hurt, much so, watch a movie with violence. I cringe when I see people fighting or when I am being hurt.

When I was in my high school days, I used to wear an old uniform for Saturday classes or when we need to meet during weekends in school. The old uniform is no longer worn by students but it had been common for the custodians to wear them.

One Saturday morning while I was monitoring my classroom, two of my former classmates passed by the class and saw me. Aside from mockingly hurting me with words, they also sneered and mockingly asked, "Are you a janitor now?" , "Can't buy a new shirt to wear?" I stood there speechless and helpless. I felt humiliated.

I still remember those two people and I can still see in my memory their faces with those evil smiles. I have learned to forgive and forget. The experience did not make me weaker nor evil. The experience made me wiser and more forgiving.

A Long Way To Go (November 09, 2007)

Once when my students and I went on a field trip, the traffic was really bad. Besides, the place was quite adistance from our school. My students had been asking me incessantly, "Are we there yet?" and the only answer I can give was, "Soon!"

In life's battle, we always wanted to end the miseries and the sorrowful stages of our lives by asking, "When is this going to end?" This is human nature. Nobody was born happy enduring life's hardships. Everybody wants out from sadness, loneliness, and sickness. We struggle every now and then, making sure that we get to see the light. It is a long process.

And when we are ecstatic and feeling bright and cheery, we don't want to end it either. When we are in love, we say, "I hope this happiness never ends." When we are basking in glory and fame, we say, "I hope this will last forever."

It's a long way to reach what we dream of but, we are humans capable of pursuing those dreams. It's a long way when we are feeling miserable but, we know whatever road we take, there is always an end. Just like when we are born, we will in time, meet our Creator in the end. And when we meet our Creator, it will be a new beginning.

A Dying Trait (November 7, 2007)

It had been a courtesy for me to greet everyone in my workplace a good morning everyday. It had been a habit since I am around people who are equally courteous. However, it baffles me why one of the people in my workplace do not reciprocate my greetings every morning, for five years now. Whew! That's long and still counting.

It must be me because I put a big bulk of importance towards morning greetings. And you may ask why. It is because as a preschool teacher, I put great importance in learning to greet each other in a polite manner. It is a must in my class.

When I was studying Chinese Philosophy, we were asked to debate whether the seeds of goodness are planted into us from birth or that goodness is acquired through daily living. There were many issues raised and many arguments tackled. This was many years ago.

In today's society, people had changed a lot. Gone are the days when people are friendlier, more polite, more emphatic toward others, and more caring. It is going to be a rough road for me to accept that goodness is no longer a virtue but a hindrance to succeed.

Maybe, A Series Part 4 (November 6, 2007)

Maybe . . you should hope for enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, and enough hope to make you happy.

When I was young, I always in my moments of loneliness cry tears of sadness because I always feel that I was neglected. I always feel that I am unloved by people. I always wish that I have what others have and what others are enjoying.

I stood from those trials and made myself a life, a life that is now more comfortable and more generous. I do not have the desire to be rich but I bask in my moments of richness. I do not cry for being rejected but became thankful because a lot of people love me. I do not feel neglect but I embrace the hope to be with the Creator when the right time comes. I maybe in many trials but I am learning to survive.

The Little Mermaid (November 05, 2007)

I have a copy of the book The Little Mermaid which was illustrated by Chihiro Iwasaki. I was in awe when I saw the illustrations and that was the primary reason why I bought this book. The subtle use of colors were observed all throughout the pages making it very dramatic in its presentation.

I have used this book with some of my students but it was just recently when I was bombarded with questions about being foam of the sea and having an immortal soul. These children were just below ten and their philosophical questionings gave me the opportunity to explain the facts without sounding religious.

The book reminds me of three things: the beauty of the sea, family relationships and eternal love. It reminds me of God and His amazing goodness.

To Hibernate (November 03, 2007)

When things get bad and I have no other recourse, I usually stay in my home and “hibernate”. In my life, I had been hibernating all throughout as I am always seeking solace and peace. When I am alone, I get to be with myself meditating and looking at things I have done and will be doing.

The coming holiday is a good way to hibernate again. I will have to find a quiet place to spend my vacation and think about my life. I have to see in a deeper perspective where my life is heading and how I can be more fruitful to the society and to the people who believe and love me. It is also the best time to dig deeper into my spiritual life, the best time to review and renew. It might be the best time to change too, for the better.

Maybe, A Series Part 3 (November 2, 2007)

Maybe . . the best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.

This is dedicated to one very close friend. Rolly is a good natured individual whose zest for life is unwavering. Destined to bring his siblings to higher places, he started a business for them to take care of. He works hard so that he is able to send money to his siblings and care for them. He is a very good provider.

In one of his very few visits to my residence, we enjoyed our conversation sitting on a rocking swing I have at home. We were there for many hours, conversing then pausing then just being quiet. Though there were moments of silence, it was perhaps the most engaging and the most intelligent conversations I had in years.

We were together as friends for almost three years when I decided to let go of our friendship. I miss the togetherness, the closeness, and the bonding between male friends. I rarely had a good friend so close and had never been in close proximity with someone till now. He is dearly missed.

Maybe, A Series Part 2 (November 01, 2007)

Maybe . . there are moments in life when you miss someone -- a parent, a spouse, a friend, a child, your friend -- -- so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real, so that once they are around you appreciate them more.

There are many people in my life that I do miss. I miss my family a lot for they are the only one I have. I miss my very few friends and those that I have met many years ago. I miss my grandparents who helped financed my schooling. I miss my former colleagues in school who had been very supportive of my cause.

They all knew how much they mean to me as I had been very vocal of my feelings towards them. I enjoyed their company and I had given not just attention but love to each and every one. I always have them in my heart.

Just recently I’ve met a friend I haven’t seen for sixteen years. We attended drama school together and had been inseparable during those times. However, our different paths separated us without any news or communication. The feeling of care and love towards this friend is still there in spite of the long absence. The friendship still lingers in my heart.