I did this choice many years ago and that I had been struggling all through these years. I chose to be invisible.
Many years ago when I was in high school, a group of friends are always inviting me to go with them but I always decline. When we ended up studying in different universities, they still invite me for some occasional events such as bowling or badminton but still, I decline. Then I heard from someone, that the group continued seeing each other without any more invitations because they finally gave up on me.
I formed a small group of high school buddies based on interests. One of which is to deliver social work among some underprivileged children in one of the poorest district in the city. I managed to invite friends and we ended celebrating each others birthdays and special events in life. I still see them occasionally but that is the only circle of friends I have.
I chose to be invisible and it seems that this choice had made me lonelier and sadder in life. I made this choice as a means to preserve myself from destruction. I am vulnerable to mistakes and defeats. I shudder in rejection and failures. I am not strong enough to face the challenges of the world.
Maybe if I have more friends, I can. Maybe if I have the support of those who believe, then I can surely accept things and understand the wisdom beyond failures and rejections. Maybe if I am just brave enough to face what it is there for me.
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