It is common for siblings to have some arguments here and there. It is also common for siblings to have misunderstandings especially when they see each siblings being treated differently. It's all because of perspective.
I might perceived my younger brother as being the fave son in my clan but because I always compare what I had and what he got. Another one might see that I am the fave son because I received attention when I am around. Still another might perceive favoritism because he or she is always being defended when arguments arise.
I understand being a parent not because I am one but because I am a teacher. I also have my favorites in class but I like my students because of their qualities and not because of their sweetness or because they are being obedient all the time. Each and every student of mine have outstanding qualities that I admire and cherish. And this goes with siblings in a family.
One may be the fave when it comes to doing chores at home because he or she is always tidy and helpful. Another can be the fave because he or she is supportive of his or her parent's choices. Another can be the fave one because he or she is very much independent. Many reasons and it is but a fact of life.
If we see in others what we don't have, then we will be miserable all throughout but if we see what we have, then we can be contented and happier. C'est la vie!
Friday, December 28
Tuesday, December 25
Motherly Love (December 25, 2007)
Christmas is the time to look into relationships. One relationship I wanted to recapture in words will be my relationship with my mum.
She may not be the best or the greatest woman on earth but she is my mum. She cared for me since my existence and had been my side until now. She is a living giant of love and patience.
For many years now, I am miles away from her. I do not have the opportunity to see her on an everyday basis nor talk to her on the phone to say hello. I had been drifting apart from our relationship. So I make sure that I go and visit even once every year and I know this is not enough.
When she was sick, I wasn't there. When she was weary and tired from thinking and crying, I wasn't able to comfort her. When she was feeling lonely, I wasn't around to cheer her up. I feel bad and I feel helpless. Being miles away is simply a big challenge.
Christmas day is very special and it is also her birthday. I visited her and showed her that she is one special mum, a mother through and through.
Friday, December 21
Gifts (December 21, 2007)
If I have to give three presents for Christmas, I would be opting for these:
Time
It had been a whirlwind of activities for the past years that I am always moving in and out day and night. I am practically working for almost twelve hours and when I surrender home, I am exhausted. I didn't have enough time for myself and for my friends. I didn't give enough time for others.
Understanding
I always think that things can be explained without much effort. So in dealing with people, I expect them to understand what was being discussed or communicated upon. I was wrong! I have to understand that people operate in many levels. Some are fast thinkers while some needs time to process information. This is probably one of my greatest need, the need to understand people.
Love
Easy to say but giving and receiving love had been a big issue for me. Many had loved me in many ways. My students, my fellow workers, my family, my friends, and others had been giving and forgiving of my lack of effort to reciprocate. In the end, I am lost and lonely. I need to open my heart and give. Those people who had been understanding and forgiving had been showing me that it is not late to give in return.
Time
It had been a whirlwind of activities for the past years that I am always moving in and out day and night. I am practically working for almost twelve hours and when I surrender home, I am exhausted. I didn't have enough time for myself and for my friends. I didn't give enough time for others.
Understanding
I always think that things can be explained without much effort. So in dealing with people, I expect them to understand what was being discussed or communicated upon. I was wrong! I have to understand that people operate in many levels. Some are fast thinkers while some needs time to process information. This is probably one of my greatest need, the need to understand people.
Love
Easy to say but giving and receiving love had been a big issue for me. Many had loved me in many ways. My students, my fellow workers, my family, my friends, and others had been giving and forgiving of my lack of effort to reciprocate. In the end, I am lost and lonely. I need to open my heart and give. Those people who had been understanding and forgiving had been showing me that it is not late to give in return.
Wednesday, December 19
No Regrets (December 19, 2007)
Though there are so many regrets in life, I still live my life to be the best I can. When a friend leaves, I tell myself that it is for the good. When I let go, I cry but the tears make me stronger to face another day. When I fall, I stand up and tell myself it is not the end of the world. When I regret, it is because I made it happen for a reason.
When I was in the university studying to be a teacher, my professor whom I like so much, asked us what could be one of the greatest regrets we had. I thought for a moment and answered, “I have a lot but one thing I am not regretting is becoming a teacher.”
When I was in the university studying to be a teacher, my professor whom I like so much, asked us what could be one of the greatest regrets we had. I thought for a moment and answered, “I have a lot but one thing I am not regretting is becoming a teacher.”
And just today a letter from another parent came and said, "You are truly the best teacher our twins could ask for- how blessed they are to have you!" And nothing can beat that.
Tuesday, December 18
Regrets (December 18, 2007)
Christmas is the time where we get to give presents to our loved ones and receive some from others. Christmas is the best time for me to reflect the year and make amends of what I have done to people. Christmas is the time of cheers and love. It is in the spirit of this festive holiday that I like to ponder on few things, mainly to regret a few.
I regret cutting ties with a friend I fondly cherish. I regret not visiting my international friends and connecting with them. I regret not being with my parents through their sickness and needs. I regret not attending parties and simply connecting again with friends.
How do you change something that had happened in the past? How do you mend broken ties when it was I who cut it off ? What makes living simple when I am beset with material things? What makes happiness tick when all I do is run away from it?
I am not in control of my life. I am lost. I may be in the pinnacle of despair. I am not happy. I have many regrets. But I know that this is just a phase.
I regret cutting ties with a friend I fondly cherish. I regret not visiting my international friends and connecting with them. I regret not being with my parents through their sickness and needs. I regret not attending parties and simply connecting again with friends.
How do you change something that had happened in the past? How do you mend broken ties when it was I who cut it off ? What makes living simple when I am beset with material things? What makes happiness tick when all I do is run away from it?
I am not in control of my life. I am lost. I may be in the pinnacle of despair. I am not happy. I have many regrets. But I know that this is just a phase.
Saturday, December 15
In Silence (December 15, 2007)
I had many episodes of anger and bad moods but it had been consistent that I ended retreating in silence. Silence for me is a means to end my anger. It may also be the start of a brewing war against someone. Silence for me is a sign of letting go but it can also be the beginning of anguish and hatred. Silence offers no help, but when I am angry I cannot resort to the same thing I do before, that is, to cry.
It must be the age that makes me stop crying. It must also be time that made me tougher when bad things arise. It must be there is so much hatred that I can’t even shed any tears.
This is not healthy because deep within me I can feel that my head is spinning, my strength diminishing, and my breathing becoming faster. I have to find a way to release my anger. I have to find a way to take this hatred away. I have to find a way.
It must be the age that makes me stop crying. It must also be time that made me tougher when bad things arise. It must be there is so much hatred that I can’t even shed any tears.
This is not healthy because deep within me I can feel that my head is spinning, my strength diminishing, and my breathing becoming faster. I have to find a way to release my anger. I have to find a way to take this hatred away. I have to find a way.
Wednesday, December 12
Rude Behaviour (December 12, 2007)
I always have good manners and not because I am a teacher or would like to be a role model to my students but because I believe that each and every person deserved to be respected and treated well. I am always wrong with this because I always meet people from all walks of life who shine in the category of boorishness.
I teach a group of children coming from a prestigious school and from a very high profile background. It has been a condition between me and the mum of these children that I will have to be send home after tutorials. It was a fair deal because I only ask for a minimal amount as fees. Besides, their residence is quite a short distance from my humble abode so it might not be a big deal for them.
Since I have been teaching these children, there had been constant changing of drivers in their household. Don’t ask me why but the last two sets of drivers scared me because of their appalling behaviour.
Every time one of the drivers sends me home, he would often say to himself, “Hah! You live alone here.” I wonder what he means about that statement. The last two drivers just don’t reciprocate my greetings and thanks. They would even give a menacing look while driving or before sending me off. Never smiling, never showing any respect, they are very impolite.
I like talking to people and being kind and nice to them whatever background they might have. However, when having to see those kinds, I simply cannot take their rude behaviour.
I teach a group of children coming from a prestigious school and from a very high profile background. It has been a condition between me and the mum of these children that I will have to be send home after tutorials. It was a fair deal because I only ask for a minimal amount as fees. Besides, their residence is quite a short distance from my humble abode so it might not be a big deal for them.
Since I have been teaching these children, there had been constant changing of drivers in their household. Don’t ask me why but the last two sets of drivers scared me because of their appalling behaviour.
Every time one of the drivers sends me home, he would often say to himself, “Hah! You live alone here.” I wonder what he means about that statement. The last two drivers just don’t reciprocate my greetings and thanks. They would even give a menacing look while driving or before sending me off. Never smiling, never showing any respect, they are very impolite.
I like talking to people and being kind and nice to them whatever background they might have. However, when having to see those kinds, I simply cannot take their rude behaviour.
Sunday, December 9
Question (December 09, 2007)
I am very independent even at a very young age. I see my siblings asking help from my dad about school works and projects. I don’t. I simply climb up a cabinet and do my work on top so that nobody will disturb me. Surely, nobody disturbs me when I am working.
When I became older, I was given the responsibility to do house work every day including setting the table, washing the dishes, cleaning up the house and the family car. I do them all in one condition, that I will finish my school work first before doing the house works.
My father hated me when I show such grumpy mood when I am asked to clean something. Not because I don’t want to but because I am not done with my school work and that we have maids at home. But he simply doesn’t care.
Until now, I still wonder why he would be cross when I give importance to my studies and why he would like to see me working all the time. I wanted to believe that it is called training and I hate to think of it as a punishment or as resentment for having me as a son.
The world is made up of mysteries and it takes time to unravel each and every thread that makes it up. Fortunately, whatever happened before became a cornerstone for my growth and not for my failure.
When I became older, I was given the responsibility to do house work every day including setting the table, washing the dishes, cleaning up the house and the family car. I do them all in one condition, that I will finish my school work first before doing the house works.
My father hated me when I show such grumpy mood when I am asked to clean something. Not because I don’t want to but because I am not done with my school work and that we have maids at home. But he simply doesn’t care.
Until now, I still wonder why he would be cross when I give importance to my studies and why he would like to see me working all the time. I wanted to believe that it is called training and I hate to think of it as a punishment or as resentment for having me as a son.
The world is made up of mysteries and it takes time to unravel each and every thread that makes it up. Fortunately, whatever happened before became a cornerstone for my growth and not for my failure.
Saturday, December 8
Mocking (December 08,2007)
I have a watch that I bought from an open market. It doesn’t cost much and I thought of wearing it as an everyday accessory. One time, I was asked by an acquaintance for dinner and so I went to meet this person. We were chatting when he noticed my watch and started chuckling.
“Why are you wearing a watch like that?” he blurted. I asked him if there is something wrong. “It’s so cheap and I can’t imagine you wearing it.” I answered him that a watch for me is for telling time and not for others to see. A brand doesn’t have anything to do with it, the function is more important.
I still wore the watch even after that incident until my watch broke. It was my constant companion. It gave me the correct time so I can be in my scheduled meets. It gave me the time so I can be in my respective class on the dot. It made me arrive minutes before so I wasn’t late.
It sure helps to strap myself with a pricey watch or a branded one but it does not really matter. I won’t be spending so much money for a watch that will make my acquaintances envy me, talk about it, or be stolen by thieves. Function before presentation.
Come to think of it, the wealthy and educated friends I have are into simplicity. They wear unbranded things, yet so sophisticated and elegant in both speech and manners. Yet the ones that are constantly in need of help and support are the one who mocks. What a pity!
“Why are you wearing a watch like that?” he blurted. I asked him if there is something wrong. “It’s so cheap and I can’t imagine you wearing it.” I answered him that a watch for me is for telling time and not for others to see. A brand doesn’t have anything to do with it, the function is more important.
I still wore the watch even after that incident until my watch broke. It was my constant companion. It gave me the correct time so I can be in my scheduled meets. It gave me the time so I can be in my respective class on the dot. It made me arrive minutes before so I wasn’t late.
It sure helps to strap myself with a pricey watch or a branded one but it does not really matter. I won’t be spending so much money for a watch that will make my acquaintances envy me, talk about it, or be stolen by thieves. Function before presentation.
Come to think of it, the wealthy and educated friends I have are into simplicity. They wear unbranded things, yet so sophisticated and elegant in both speech and manners. Yet the ones that are constantly in need of help and support are the one who mocks. What a pity!
Wednesday, December 5
In Honor of the King (December 05, 2007)
There is always someone in the history of mankind that will shine during his or her existence. There is always going to be someone who will be respected by all and revered as god.
I can fondly remember the first time I saw the King of Thailand. We were lost, as my friend and I, wanted to visit Chinatown that day. We wanted to avoid the crowd. Instead of getting off at a certain pier, we ended getting off at a place where the King will be passing to greet his people. We were walking and walking until we spotted something interesting to take pictures of. While standing right in front of the huge crowd, there was a loud uproar then total silence. The King passed right in front where I was standing. I was dumbfounded. I was silenced. I was blessed.
There were goose bumps all over me. Never in my life have I thought that I will be seeing the King in person. And there he was, waving to the spectators while the crowd waved flags to greet him. It was a momentous event. It is unparallel in comparison.
Today marked his 80th birthday and I am so full of joy to be part of his celebration. He is indeed a superb individual whose contributions and support to the country are highly honored and accepted with gratitude. A great man, a great King.
I can fondly remember the first time I saw the King of Thailand. We were lost, as my friend and I, wanted to visit Chinatown that day. We wanted to avoid the crowd. Instead of getting off at a certain pier, we ended getting off at a place where the King will be passing to greet his people. We were walking and walking until we spotted something interesting to take pictures of. While standing right in front of the huge crowd, there was a loud uproar then total silence. The King passed right in front where I was standing. I was dumbfounded. I was silenced. I was blessed.
There were goose bumps all over me. Never in my life have I thought that I will be seeing the King in person. And there he was, waving to the spectators while the crowd waved flags to greet him. It was a momentous event. It is unparallel in comparison.
Today marked his 80th birthday and I am so full of joy to be part of his celebration. He is indeed a superb individual whose contributions and support to the country are highly honored and accepted with gratitude. A great man, a great King.
Tuesday, December 4
To Belong (December 04, 2007)
I have a very good friend from another country but we see each other almost every year. He is a very dedicated person not only to his family but also to his craft and the people around him. He is smart and very considerate as well.
When we first met, I was amazed on how he can discuss varied issues related to politics, social living, current events and religion. When we are together, it is just like a battle of wits. Nobody wanted to lose, nobody gives up. We always have our own stands and we almost always disagree. This did not cause any rift but made our friendship stronger.
I was very sad to learn about his recent medical operation and that I wasn’t able to be there. But learning that people had been around him at that moment, I felt relieved. I recently gave him a call and it was very good to hear again his voice. He is dearly missed.
He was instrumental for me to meet two other excellent girl friends and a couple of other Christian believers. He also introduced me to two of the most interesting, creative and intelligent individuals I have met. I went out with this group once and I was blessed not only because of their presence but because of their goodness and humility.
When I took a train to go to the airport, tears were flowing down my cheeks. I will miss them all. There was actually envy permeating the air at that moment. The envy to have the same kind of friendship they hold. The envy to belong.
When we first met, I was amazed on how he can discuss varied issues related to politics, social living, current events and religion. When we are together, it is just like a battle of wits. Nobody wanted to lose, nobody gives up. We always have our own stands and we almost always disagree. This did not cause any rift but made our friendship stronger.
I was very sad to learn about his recent medical operation and that I wasn’t able to be there. But learning that people had been around him at that moment, I felt relieved. I recently gave him a call and it was very good to hear again his voice. He is dearly missed.
He was instrumental for me to meet two other excellent girl friends and a couple of other Christian believers. He also introduced me to two of the most interesting, creative and intelligent individuals I have met. I went out with this group once and I was blessed not only because of their presence but because of their goodness and humility.
When I took a train to go to the airport, tears were flowing down my cheeks. I will miss them all. There was actually envy permeating the air at that moment. The envy to have the same kind of friendship they hold. The envy to belong.
Monday, December 3
A Better Choice (December 03, 2007)
This is probably one of the many interesting and popular books among children and teachers. It is probably the most used to introduce friendship and sharing.
When a student was reading the text for me, it dawned on me that I have no friends around me. The friends I made had simply vanished. It must be the time. It must be the situation. It must be the demands of life.
Sure the shortcomings are not their doings alone. I also have my share of mistakes, forgetfulness and busy life. Sometimes, I think that life had been so busy that earning is the most important part of living. Sometimes, I think that being busy makes us fruitful and worth a member of the society. Sometimes, I see my contributions as more important than my health and my happiness.
I hope that my friends (who also chose to be invisible) manage to see the importance of living not in terms of material wealth but in terms of healthy living and good choices. The choice to be at peace with oneself. The choice of a loving family. The choice of loving and being loved.
The Rainbow Fish chose to be happy and started sharing. He ended up being happy and at peace. I wanted a happy ending. I must start living, not for myself alone but also for others.
When a student was reading the text for me, it dawned on me that I have no friends around me. The friends I made had simply vanished. It must be the time. It must be the situation. It must be the demands of life.
Sure the shortcomings are not their doings alone. I also have my share of mistakes, forgetfulness and busy life. Sometimes, I think that life had been so busy that earning is the most important part of living. Sometimes, I think that being busy makes us fruitful and worth a member of the society. Sometimes, I see my contributions as more important than my health and my happiness.
I hope that my friends (who also chose to be invisible) manage to see the importance of living not in terms of material wealth but in terms of healthy living and good choices. The choice to be at peace with oneself. The choice of a loving family. The choice of loving and being loved.
The Rainbow Fish chose to be happy and started sharing. He ended up being happy and at peace. I wanted a happy ending. I must start living, not for myself alone but also for others.
Sunday, December 2
Choice (December 02, 2007)
I did this choice many years ago and that I had been struggling all through these years. I chose to be invisible.
Many years ago when I was in high school, a group of friends are always inviting me to go with them but I always decline. When we ended up studying in different universities, they still invite me for some occasional events such as bowling or badminton but still, I decline. Then I heard from someone, that the group continued seeing each other without any more invitations because they finally gave up on me.
I formed a small group of high school buddies based on interests. One of which is to deliver social work among some underprivileged children in one of the poorest district in the city. I managed to invite friends and we ended celebrating each others birthdays and special events in life. I still see them occasionally but that is the only circle of friends I have.
I chose to be invisible and it seems that this choice had made me lonelier and sadder in life. I made this choice as a means to preserve myself from destruction. I am vulnerable to mistakes and defeats. I shudder in rejection and failures. I am not strong enough to face the challenges of the world.
Maybe if I have more friends, I can. Maybe if I have the support of those who believe, then I can surely accept things and understand the wisdom beyond failures and rejections. Maybe if I am just brave enough to face what it is there for me.
Many years ago when I was in high school, a group of friends are always inviting me to go with them but I always decline. When we ended up studying in different universities, they still invite me for some occasional events such as bowling or badminton but still, I decline. Then I heard from someone, that the group continued seeing each other without any more invitations because they finally gave up on me.
I formed a small group of high school buddies based on interests. One of which is to deliver social work among some underprivileged children in one of the poorest district in the city. I managed to invite friends and we ended celebrating each others birthdays and special events in life. I still see them occasionally but that is the only circle of friends I have.
I chose to be invisible and it seems that this choice had made me lonelier and sadder in life. I made this choice as a means to preserve myself from destruction. I am vulnerable to mistakes and defeats. I shudder in rejection and failures. I am not strong enough to face the challenges of the world.
Maybe if I have more friends, I can. Maybe if I have the support of those who believe, then I can surely accept things and understand the wisdom beyond failures and rejections. Maybe if I am just brave enough to face what it is there for me.
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