Cheers! (December 31, 2008)

As the year ends, I am very grateful of the fact that I have been enjoying life in many different degrees. I am blessed with the wonderful presence of my family, friends, students and co-workers. I am grateful for the bounty of nature by providing my surroundings with greens and my garden with beautiful flowers all throughout the year. I am happy to be able to find time to write and blog my thoughts and eventually read other blogs during my free time.

It wasn't smooth sailing all throughout but I always make it a point that I am not affected by remarks and criticisms which I am sure will diminish my zest to live. I expect less but work more. I love more but expect less. I plan ahead but work out smallest details. I smile when I don't need to and I walk to cool off steam. I enjoy small moments and gather memories from short meets and funny adventures. I learn from small talks and achieve with big results.

The people around me made me realized that life is worth living. The consequences around me made me realized that those events happened for some reasons. My students made me realized how lucky I am to be their teacher. The family I have made me more secure about my philosophy in life. The friends who had come and who had disappeared gave me the courage to continue making friends and believe in interdependence.

Thank you to all those who had been a part of my existence. The year had been a wonderful addition to my cumulative years. Cheers to all!

Christmas is the Time (December 25, 2008)

Now that Christmas is here again, it is time for everyone not only to be cheery but also to spread love and blessings to others.

Some people makes this time as the busiest: shopping, meeting people, partying, going on vacations and others. For some, this time is just one of those days: devoid of frivolities and merry-making. Others might be experiencing the worst of their life at this time because of death, sickness or pressing problems. While for others, this time is the time to reflect a year of living: blessings, trials and thanksgiving.

Christmas for me is a time to be with my family and closest friends. A time to see my family I see only three times in a year. Close friends I get together with once or twice in a year. It is also a time to see former colleagues and people who had given their time and effort in making my existence a positive one.

I never get big gifts or good surprises every Christmas of my life but the Lord always provide me with what I need. All I am thankful for is His provisions to my everyday existence.

For Jepoy (December 21, 2008)

At times, I do think that everything I write has the same meaning, the same intention, and the same purpose. Probably yes, because I see life as a challenge and winning one challenge at a time is my way of gaining hope and strength, thus my entries. I experienced many things but those experiences cannot be measured in comparison with others by the weight of sufferings or hardships, of tears and of hatred, and of lost and of misfortunes. I experienced things that each and every one of us had experienced, in many different levels. It just so happened that I write mine.

I write not wary of the grammatical structure in my sentences. I write for practice. I write for myself. It just so happen that there were lost individuals who have expressed interest in reading some of my entries. I thank them for those visits. I am grateful of their presence. I appreciate their comments.

When Toilet Thoughts mentioned the mind and the heart factors of my writings, he is indeed correct as I write from my heart. The entries are written accounts of my reflections in life, of my love to my profession, of my struggle to belong but most importantly, of my identity as an individual.

I am lost but it is in writing that I see the direction and purpose of life. I am sad but it is in writing that I let go of my sadness. I am always alone but it is in writing that I feel company around me.

I used my past experiences to rise up and let go. I became more empathic to causes and more forgiving to others. I learned that life is short and that I have to live it full.

I thank Toilet Thoughts for taking time to make mention of my blog. "Jepoy, when you opened your door to my knocking, I knew that I am home."

Gratitude (December 20, 2008)

The Emperor and the Nightingale is a well-known story that has surpassed time and cultures. The story talks about many different traits both positive and negative. Two very opposite traits mentioned in the story were selfishness and gratitude.

Many years ago, I haven't seen beggars roaming around the city asking for alms. For the past years, they had become permanent fixtures of the streets and over pass bridges. I have seen them in various conditions and in many forms- people with disabilities, children in tattered clothes, women with their babies, the blind with musical instruments and old folks playing harmonica or drums. Some people stopped to share while most of us just walk pass them without giving them our time.

It is not an act of selfishness if we show hesitation to give or by simply ignoring these people. It is also not an act of kindness if we share an ample amount of money or buy them some food. It is not a pay-it-forward thing if we do them good for the sake of being bless. I find the act of sharing and the act of giving more valuable if we teach them to stop from asking and/or begging. I find it more selfless if we take time to give them opportunities to stand on their own rather than wait for blessings to come.

Yes, the need is there at that moment and they are asking for immediate help. But doing this everyday does not give justice to the notion of helping oneself. It becomes a habit of relying on others for support, of being lazy, and of being dependent.

When I am lost in my understanding of a lesson during my school days, giving me the answers during test time or letting me copy homework does not give value to my learning. I would be more grateful if someone shares his or her time to explain to me the lessons. When I am needing of extra money, asking from friends for help does not guarantee a bailout from my present need, I needed someone positively recommend me a way to earn some.

Those who needed assistance should seek the help and support of government agencies. Those who are going to experience a need to supplement their incomes should think of ingenious ways to earn more. Those who are lost with the rudiments of their jobs or schooling should seek assistance from someone knowledgeable or from other available resources. It is in doing it first that we see better opportunites. It is in making it happen through our efforts that makes it more worthwhile.

Selfishness is when we ask and ask without helping ourselves. Gratitude is when we realize we made a life through our own efforts and being thankful for the blessings.

In Exchange of... (December 18, 2008)

There is this village that I always dread to visit because of the guards. The guards are devious. The way they look down at people when they asked for their ID cards or any form of identifications. One cannot enter unless we give them a card but that is not the problem for me. The problem is the way they ask, they give you a sneer while giving salutes and graceful bows to those with cars (non-residence) or white people (no Id asked). I always tell myself that brown people are not the only one capable of stealing but others as well. It is not about the colours, it is about need.

Here comes a car…salute!

Here comes someone on a bike…change ID!

Here comes a farang (Caucasian)… sawatdee krub!

Here comes someone on a motorcycle taxi (brown skinned)…where you go?!!!!

An acquaintance told me to buy a car so that when I go to that village, I will in a small way, earn respect. Whoa! I will earn respect if I buy a car. Then the next question is, what kind of car?

Here comes a Toyota…change ID!

Here comes a Volvo…sawatdee krub!

Here comes a Benz…arun sawat!

Here comes a limousine…everybody salute!

Life is funny! Some people are weird!

Making the Most of Everything (December 15, 2008)

The happiest of people don't necessarily

Have the best of everything;

They just make the most of

Everything that comes along their way.

With the economic crunch, a lot of people are feeling the pinch and others are struggling to make ends meet. I was speaking with a friend earlier and found out that he had shifted work for a while to sustain the family’s income. He is happy to be able to receive an ample amount for a day’s worth. That ample amount will be able to help his family of four.

With his sharing, I was impressed how people can actually live with that ample amount and told myself that I am sure lucky to be earning more than enough. It was a reminder that my life is good and that I should be thankful for the bounty I am always receiving. It was a realization that people do the same hard work but earn differently. It takes one example shared by a friend for me to see once again that I am blessed.

I always try to remember that when something bad happens, another person is struggling more than what I am facing. Given an opportunity, one must strive to finish schooling, studying when the opportunity is present, to turn an interest into business, to believe in one’s dream, and be passionate with life. Life is not about acquiring material wealth. Life is about living a decent, happy and good life. It's happiness first!

Bitterness (December 10, 2008)

I have to sit down for a long time to finally put my thoughts together and write an entry about bitterness. Then I paused for a moment to re-think whether in my life I had been bitter or not. There were moments of bitterness I felt amongst my family members and of my friends. I recalled some of the reasons, some trivial and some that means so much to me.

When I was in third grade, I didn’t make it to the top three. Finishing fourth in class, my grades were still the best compared to my peers and to my siblings who had been struggling to make good grades. I came home, showed my report card and told my dad, “I didn’t make it to the honour roll.” With a smirk in his face, he blurted right in front of everyone during dinner that I didn’t deserve to receive an honour, I deserve to be called a loser. I cried and up to this time, remembered the look on his face and the voice that echoed from the past. I was devastated.

I remember this episode in high school when I don’t eat proper lunch so I can save my money to buy my mom a present for her birthday. With enough money saved, I went to the most expensive mall and got a hand fan embroidered in silk and finished with floral designs. I asked the store attendant to wrap it for me so that the presentation would be flawless. Then the morning came to greet my mom. I gave her my present and asked her to open the box right away as I was more excited than her. She unwrapped the paper, opened the box and said with a sad tone, “Did you get this from the open market?” I was devastated.

There were still many stories to tell but that would be opening the many wounds of the past. The question is whether I became bitter to myself, to my family or to my friends. The answer is no. The past had been experiences that made me stronger. Those experiences gave me the will to fight, to move and succeed in life. Those experiences are just stories of the past and mere cobwebs that needed to be brushed off.

When I was laughed at for not being on top of the honour list, I studied harder. When I was given a doubtful look, I took it as a challenge to find something better to give. When I was neglected of their duties, I looked for other ways to finance my studies. When I was rejected by my friends for being simple, I gave it a shrug and moved on. When I lost my first love, I cried and cried until those tears washed away my dying spirit.

I can be bitter all through my life and pass the bitterness to everyone I meet. Instead, I write inspirations and stories to read. You are reading one. I hope that in my everyday entries, you learn something about me and about life. Life is too short, live it!

Best of All (December 06, 2008)

The arrival of a famous Wemmick turns Wemmicksville upside down and puts Punchinello in the pits. But Eli the woodcarver helps Punchinello see that he doesn't have to be made of the "right" wood to be special: "YOU ARE THE WAY YOU ARE BECAUSE I MADE YOU THAT WAY," says Eli. We sometimes think we have to be like famous or "beautiful" people to be special. God thinks otherwise; He made us just the way we are- on purpose.

I was very skinny when I was younger. I don't look good and I know that. When most of my friends were gaining weight and slowly forming muscles, I was this ugly duckling who had stayed the same.

I've met many people and had dated a few but most of my first time meets were disasters. I was always rejected even when I offered my friendship. I stayed away from people. I stayed away from the limelight of loving and securing a future by having someone to love and marry. I stayed inside my comfort zone, home.

That was many years ago. My present age had taught me that physical beauty is no longer as important as leading a good life. I became more confident with my capacity to share my love to others and share my time with my students. I became more involved in seeing the inner beauty of people rather than their outward appearances. I became more aware of my inner beauty coupled with compassion, patience and devotion to duty.

A few people and friends have seen these assets. They gave me the courage to believe. They challenged me by reflecting and seeing myself as a true person, thus making me happier.

I may not be made of "maple" nor a product of the finest forest but deep within me, I know that my maker chose me to be me- one lucky, special person.

GOD (December 03, 2008)

I believe in God and love His greatness. He has been instrumental to my being and to all the things that had happened and is happening to me. I trust Him all throughout in my dealings with life and with the dreams I like to pursue. He is always by my side and I feel His presence as I appreciate the blessings I am receiving everyday.

What do I say to people who do not believe? What do I say to people who challenge my belief? How should I react when harsh things are said and I feel offended? How should I explain that this is my belief, my upbringing, and my destiny?

I live in a community majority of those are from another faith. Though different in perspectives and beliefs, we all live in harmony as we do not step on each other's rights and choices. I work in a community where twenty two different nationalites are represented. We speak about our cultures, we discuss about our philosophies, we respect each and other individualities and religious affinities. Never was I questioned about my faith, never was I ridiculed for believing until today.

God works in mysterious ways. Maybe it is time for me to show my faith so that others might see the goodness of believing. Believing in oneself is an excellent choice but believing in God and His works and wonders is unmatchable.

When Teachers Meet (December 01, 2008)

I had the opportunity to meet one good friend from Australia. An early childhood teacher as well, we had lunch one day and afternoon tea the next. It was a pleasant meet and we exchanged stories of our lives and of our works.

Right after his departure, two lovely friends from New Zealand came for a visit and they are early childhood teachers too. Meeting them for dinner was a welcome change from my everyday routine of school-work-house schedule. The three of us exchanged stories about our experiences and teaching philosophies.

Then another teacher from France arrived and another dinner ensued. Our conversation was centered on the importance of English as a global language. We also exchanged notes regarding teaching preschoolers and primary aged children.

Nowadays, the demands of society dictate for schools to be more academic-based rather than play-based. The demands of society want the children to be more technologically aware, more academically strong and more cognitively challenged. Children will definitely be ahead but the competitiveness and rigidity of schedules and programmes might bring negative consequences in other areas.

I remember playing with duck eggs and bougainvillea flowers and stir them up to make lovely stew. Then I pour some pink juice to many different sized bottles and sell them to my cousins during pretend play. I take care of animals as pets such as chickens, ducks, quails, rabbits, fish, turtles and dogs. I watch my grandfather with cooking, my grandmother with keeping track of sales, and my mom with drawing. And I learn a lot from all these activities.

When I was still schooling, I had never been to tutorial schools and I am always third from the top. And I didn't pursue or compete with my peers to be the first. I am happy to be learning, to be in school, to be with friends and teachers, and having fun.

At present, I make it a point to make my students feel the same way. I make it a point that they feel school as a safe place to play, learn and have fun. I make it a point that each and everyone discover their potentials and use the skills they accumulated when they leave my class. My students are only four and they do not need to be bombarded with tutorials, special lessons, or mind draining academics.

When teachers meet, they can only do little as they are subjected by the dictates of the schools and parents. When teachers meet, they get to share their views and hoping that all these new things will benefit the children of tomorrow. When teachers meet, they renew their spirits and rekindle their flames to teach.

Before and After (November 30, 2008)

The almost daily showers and thunderstorms had prompted me to stopped visiting the garden as there was no need for watering. The plants became greener, bushier and had grown to their unexpected heights. The shade was good during midday but the coming of the snakes and other bugs and creepy crawlies signaled the end of this forest-like habitat.

In come the gardeners armed with their machetes and lawn mowers. It took them almost six hours just to completely transform the once secluded sanctuary of uninvited guests to a bright and airy garden of my choice. Now, the entire place is more inviting to humans where a simple meditation or a ride on the wooden swing offers a safer environment to walk through.

Some changes are not welcome but there are changes we need to do in our lives so that we can free ourselves of our guilt or bondage. There are decisions to be made, choices to weigh and things to execute. If we continue to live in the past or in our own shadows, we can never go beyond our dreams to find a better life. Just like the garden, the change was a welcome change.

Olivia (November 28, 2008)

Olivia is a story about a pig who knows what she likes and works for it. She has a wonderful persona typical of children but with an adult like character to boot. She is funny, demanding, witty, adventurous, fashionable, and pure adorable. She is my current fave though this book had been out for a long time.

It was lent to me by a friend from New Zealand as the story is also a favourite of her child. After that initial encounter with Olivia, I became obsessed in finding a copy for myself to add to my growing collection of children’s literature. I searched high and low, at every bookstore I can find. I even asked a friend who will be taking a vacation to the United States to get me one. She came empty handed. The book was out of print.

And when one is not looking for it, you finally managed to find one at a bargain price. It was even the hardcopy type. I grabbed the book and held it dearly up to the counter. I felt so lucky.

After reading the three series of Olivia (the first, then the other two series), I managed to put another perk in telling a story. The characterization and voice in reading a book, the enthusiasm in invoking attention, and the attitude of a pig with a human persona captured my audience without doubt. Olivia is a winner!

An Approach to Life (November 23, 2008)

It was a pleasure to have a solid hour of peaceful moment at Café de Tu savouring on their cakes and teas with a friend. My friend is visiting Thailand and we had the opportunity to meet and chat about various things. Of interests were the photos he took from Vietnam and our stand on teaching.

As I looked at the photographs, it reminded me of my week stay in Ho Chi Minh many years ago and thus missing two other good friends of mine. Also, the photographs introduced me to some of my friend's friends, the hospitality they extended and the friendship they unconditionally give. However,the smiles and the clear happiness within the faces of those people in the photographs fascinated me. My friend, along with his companions, is enjoying life.

Going back home, it was way too long for a short trip that usually takes me half an hour. After deciding to take a cab at a busy roundabout, it was near impossibility to find a ride be it a bus or a cab. There were people everywhere all hoping to get a ride and be home. Their faces were of angst, worries, sadness, and even anticipation. It was a complete contrast of what I saw earlier in the photographs. Though there was no point of comparison, I just wanted to show that we approach life in many different manners.

It took me two hours to reach home transferring from a bus to a Skytrain to a subway train and in the end, a cab. I can curse all throughout the trip because of wasted time or I can reflect on the smiling faces and the happiness those photographs shared with me. I chose the latter.

My friend shows me that happiness is within reach, that it is always there. His genteel manners and approach to people are something I will emulate. He has plentiful of friends. Two hours on the road is nothing compared to the mentorship I get from a well-educated person. His visits are always welcome. His presence, recognized. And today is his birthday...Happy Birthday Stephen!

Emily Waits For Her Family (November 22, 2008)

Emily the Chickadee’s Emily Waits For Her Family tells about a little girl’s discovery of a bird who decided to build a nest right in a flowerbox next to her window. The anticipation to see what will become of the eggs, the discovery of new lives in the form of the nestlings, the imagery of a family growing together and the delight of seeing the transformation of the birdies make this story a pleasant and joyful read. It is a fine example of growing, caring and friendship.

The students in my class enjoyed the illustrations, the easy-listening rhyme, and the narration. As the students in my class do not read, the illustrations themselves are self- explanatory clearly showing the sequence of events in order. The easy-listening rhyme makes it appealing to young readers and listeners as they can anticipate the words and helps me finish the sentences. The narration is told in simple words making it interesting to listen to rather than struggling to comprehend the texts.

Our class is immersed into the project of growing and thus getting hold of this book in my hands was like an unexpected find. From plants to animals, the children had been differentiating growing within those realms and thus suggesting hypotheses and generating conclusions as to how growing takes place among plants, animals and later, humans. Within the book, it showed the children the beauty of nature, the life cycle of a bird and the concept of family. Within the book, they also discussed with curiosity and interests on why there was no daddy bird. Someone even said, "Waiting for her family means the arrival of her children (the birdies) and the coming back of father bird to their home."

A great book! A delightful addition to my library of knowledge.

The Past Remembered (November 21, 2008)

I am the kind of person who keeps memories intact: keeping letters, cards, small items, big presents, a piece of drawing, an art work done by a child, a book, and not to mention pictures. It is very useful after some years as I like to reminisce about old and good times.

The souvenirs I have collected from friends around the world are prominently displayed in three showcase glass cabinets in my residence. They were meticulously wrapped throughout these many years until it was time for me to put them on display. The items where from trips abroad, new friends, acquaintances and a few I purchased as a remembrance of a place I visited. I have a paper weight from Netherlands, a star from Israel, a dream catcher from Mexico, a pencil box from Indonesia, a pen set from India, a brooch from New Zealand and other more interesting stuff.

Holding on to memories does not restrict me from growing. Holding on to these material things does not make me a prisoner of wealth as their value does not come from the price of the items but from the memories they hold. Holding on to the past does not contribute to my decay but brings forth a scaffold to eventually learn and move. Holding on these seemingly childish collections is simply a way to say that I treasure my friendship with the people I have learned to love and still remember.

None of my friends will probably remember who amongst them gave me a wooden Pinocchio from Italy or a small replica of a cottage house from Scotland. The giving away was their way of showing their appreciation but remembering them is my way of showing my bond and love to these friends of mine.

The Ultimate Color Test (November 15, 2008)

The Ultimate Color Test

When you are at peace, you are: Deeply stable When you are moved to act, you are: Giving and warm When you are inspired, you are: Spontaneous and adventurous When your life is perfectly balanced, you are: Totally in the moment Your life's purpose is: To find contentment

The Ultimate Color Test

Lost (November 14, 2008)

I used to have this plant that blooms flowers the whole year. It was one of those easy to maintain kind of plants. However, since the growth had become rather big, I took it out of its original sunny spot and transferred it to a semi-shaded area. This move made the plant weak, stopped its flowering mode, withered and eventually died.

My grandfather was one of the popular member of the community when we he was still alive. Since he owns a restaurant, many people visits and eats in this place. A good bond had been established between him and his customers. The restaurant was a venue for communication, seeing and meeting people and living a fine and simple life.

Though basking at the company of his peers, it was suggested that he move to another place because of a relative's need. It was difficult as the transition was not so smooth and there were many neglected things that surfaced. One was the lost of friends which had resulted in unhappy feelings and longing for company. Another was the separation amongst his grandchildren as they had been very close till that move. Lastly, was the change of surrounding for what was once familar, became a strange place to be in.

My grandfather's health became a problem. He grew weaker and weaker until one day, he succumbed to death. During his last breathe, he uttered his farewell, closed his eyes and died peacefully. His colleagues were not there to mourn as they had passed away before him. His family was there but only during his last minutes.

I came to understand that someone who is poor but happy in his place means more than being rich but longing and miserable. Good decisions can bring good results. It is always in our hands. Make good choices. Make life good.

Not Dictated (November 10, 2008)

A friend I met this morning told me that according to our horoscope next year, our lives will be a happier one. I paused momentarily to let that line sank in and answered, “Wow!”

Now this is something to think about or maybe dismissed but I just cannot understand how a horoscope can actually dictate what my life will be for the coming year. I knew for a fact that my life is going on a certain road because I made it that way. It was all about choices, about opportunities, and about accepting what was in store.

I can think of morbid thoughts and be glum for the entire day or wake up with a smile and face the day with bright spirits. I can go on living with no direction or give myself a chance to try new things. I can just move towards the current of everyday affairs or stop to clear the things that are bothering me. I can always just breathe and live or be mindful of my breathing and live a fruitful life.

My existence in this world is not dictated by horoscopes or fortune tellers. So if I am happy, it is because I have a choice. If I am happier, it is because I made it so.

An Intriguing Question (November 08, 2008)

While seated together and having snacks, a student of mine asked a question right in front of me, “How come everyone likes T. Jonathan?” I was surprised to hear the question as it was my first time to actually hear someone asked his peers about me. Also, the question was coming from a four year old child.

Nobody answered his questions but the two people seated beside me gave me a hug and a smile each. The reason for the questioning stemmed because everyone was scrambling for the only vacant space as they knew that I will be taking that spot. So he saw how each and every student tried hard to be first to get the only seat beside a vacant spot.

The question is a reflective question for me. It is time to think why children enjoy the company of their teachers a lot. One possible answer is because children knew what honest feelings are. They feel when they are loved. They feel when they are supported. They feel when they belong.

As I nurture the friendly and intelligent students I have in my class, I look into this life as a lucky strike. That I had been involved in rearing lives and in making these children feel at home when they are in school. This opportunity to work and be with children is possibly what makes me strive to live and be better. Their support and love are unmatchable. You can’t buy them from a store. It is given free.

Losing Hope (November 04, 2008)

This book tells the story of a lone mountain who had been just rocks and stones for a long time. It long for some company and became friends with a bird. As the story goes, the mountain became sad for the absence and tears came flowing from its surface and thus the start of life.

I consider the bird as a messenger of friendship. A bird that promises a visit once a year. A bird that offers support and reassurance to the lonely mountain. Just like friendship, our hope to grow with people is an endearing feeling. It starts with doubts and insecurities but when honed, can lead to beautiful events and memories. Just like love, our hope to grow in love and be with a special person is a journey. It may be difficult in the beginning but with perseverance, a new hope arises.

This book showed me the virtue of waiting. Time will always be on our side when it is the right moment for itself to reveal its glory. The waiting might be daunting for friendship or love but it surely pays, to wait.

Honour (November 01, 2008)

Felipa and the Day of the Dead is about a little girl who misses her beloved grandmother, Abuelita, who passed away. She missed her so much that she decided to find her soul. In the end of the book, the celebration commemorating the Day of the Dead became the focal point where the little girl honoured her grandmother and in the process finally finds Abuelita's soul.

In my life, I have three people that I honour as still living in my heart- my grandfather, my grandmother and my mentor, Lin Laoshi. They had been instrumental in my life and whatever I am having now, was a learning process I had with them when they were around.

My grandfather's hard work and determination to succeed keeps on running in my mind whenever I am faced with situations I feel I cannot bear. He taught me at an early age to work hard by asking me to do marketing for him, cleaning the kitchen and assisting him in cooking. We had a restaurant before and it was in the kitchen that his words were transferred through actions and daily meets.

My grandmother gave me the opportunity to continue with my studies. She gave me the resources to pay for my school tuition and gave me precious advices at the side. Though she wasn't educated, she tried her best to help me with my homework in Chinese. I wasn't able to get high grades and I knew that she was also lost in assisting me with my school works but it wasn't a big deal. It was her effort and she was indirectly telling me how important education was.

My mentor gave me the opportunity to teach. She took me in her arms and trained me to become a teacher. She supported me in my ideas and guided me throughout the process of becoming a good educator. She accepted me as the first male preschool teacher in her school, maybe, in the whole Chinese community. When I left the school, she continuously gave lectures and talks to aspiring teachers and always presented my case as a model for others to follow. She was very proud of me.

Reading the book Felipa gave me the inspiration to write something about the three people who had influenced me as a person. Remembering these three people gave me the courage to write about them so I can share a bit of my beginning. Honouring these three people is something I will be doing forever.

In Many Ways (October 29, 2008)

I have a group of friends that I treasure in many ways. I treasure them because they always have time for me when I visit. I treasure them because they always have listening ears when I am in pain. I treasure them because they are willing to provide comfort with their words and actions.

I have a group of students this year that I treasure in many ways. I treasure them because they are well-mannered and respectful of their teachers. I treasure them because they are skilled in many ways and are willing to learn. I treasure them because they are my source of inspiration and well-being.

I have a family that I treasure in many ways. I treasure them because they had always been accepting of my decision to be away. I treasure them because we had been in many hard times and happiness. I treasure them because they are my own family.

In many ways, I can show my affection and sincerity and love to those people around me. They may be in different variations or intensity but the thoughts and feelings surpass the insecurities people feel about me. I will always be their friend, their teacher, and their son.

So for those who felt that I have mistreated them, forgotten them , or neglected them, I apologize. You have all inspired me to become a better person and in that journey, you were part of the growing process in many ways.

The Will to Survive (October 21, 2008)

When one is born in this world, we are expected to be taken care of and then honed to become a contributing member of the society. What is not expected are the trials that come with growing from birth till we can fend for ourselves.

Not everyone is born with a golden spoon. Most and that would be the majority has to struggle from the very start. We are born to survive the harsh realities of living on a day to day basis. As we see people thrive in their riches, we also see people suffer from poverty.

People are resilient though, as they are able to survive whatever comes their way. When we are bombarded with troubles, we seek solace through other people and /or doing other positive things such as prayers, being busy, mindfulness, and the likes. We are born with the spirit to survive admist everything negative around us.

However, it is the human spirit to survive that will eventually brings a better life. Believe and do it. Believe and fight. The human spirit has the will to survive.

Comparisons (October 18, 2008)

As always, I took a cab to go back home but this time, the cab driver was a friendly fellow. Only 27 years of age, he has two children and the eldest is eight years of age. This means that he started to embrace a family life at a very early age of 20. His life story is similar to the many people I have met throughout my everyday trips around the city. His is a life of simplicity with adequate salary, three meals a day, and a home he can call his own.

He asked me about my life story and I mentioned to him a bit of my life, little parts and as I open up little bits and pieces it struck me that the man I am speaking with is far luckier than me for many reasons. As we exchange views about married life, singlehood, family life, work and aspirations I became more introspective.

The conversation went for quite some time because of the bad traffic. It wasn't a personal exchange of stories but it was an exchange of knowledge, experiences and directions in life. Two different lives, two different views and two different individuals. Comparisons were made but in the end, it was an awakening.

Poverty (October 15, 2008)

Poverty has many meanings. It may mean money or the lack of resources. It may mean degradation or dwindling of something we have. But I guess poverty means the lack of something. It is the lack of spirit, the lack of knowledge and the lack of friends.

When we are always downtrodden with miseries, poverty sets in as a disabling factor to continue to be happy. It is a deterrent to pursue what we aspire for. It is the degradation of self-esteem, and self confidence to do what we ought to achieve. When we tell ourselves that a grade school education is enough, it is poverty in knowing that aiming for a higher education can enrich one's self knowledge and position in work. The acquisition of higher knowledge promises a much better future thus an upliftment from the state of knowing less. Poverty is when we are surrounded by no one. It is when one is in trouble and we have no one to lean on. It is when sharing is non-existent. The poverty in friendships develop when one closes its window and allows no one to peek in.

Poverty exists and is real. If we allow ourselves to be victims of poverty then we create a circle of people living in miseries (lacking in spirit and will), ignorance (lacking in education be it in access or opportunities) and isolation (lacking in true friends to call).

Wish You Were Here (October 11, 2008)

This is a wonderful book written by Holly Hobbie and talks about the adventure of the main character as he goes on a trip to the jungle. This is a book about friendship and when I recall my very few good friends around the world, I wanted to say, "I wish I am with them!"

If there are people I wish are here, then my parents will be the first on the list. I had been away for many years that our relationship is link only by phone calls and short visits. I miss their company and the ups and downs of living with parents.

The only consolation is that my parents live within the Asian region so it is easy for me to fly during a long weekend and visit them. The problem lies in the amount of money I have to spend on travelling though it is not a big issue. I still find my short travels back home to be fruitful and encouraging. It is the "returning back" that is a problem. It is heart breaking.

"Wish I am there!", is probably a momentary wish as of now but as we live busier lives, we tend to forget our small worries and continue to face the life we are building at the moment. What is inspiring is that we always held them in our hearts wherever we go. We treasure the moments and live the happiness throughout.

A Journey Through Life (October 8, 2008)

The Blue Stone is a wonderful book written by Jimmy Liao, a story about life's changes and the adventure, beauty, and sorrow that comes with them. It tells a tale of endurance, hope, and rejuvenation.

The Blue Stone became a mute witness to the harshness and realities of life as well as the joys and excitement of living. It experienced excitement as it was transformed in many different ways starting as an elephant statue ending as mere dust amongst the wind. It was always longing to be home where its heart belongs, a feeling I share and experiencing most of the time.

When one is out of their own comfort zone, the battle begins. There will be conflicts about racial prejudice, discrimination, absence of identity, homesickness and ongoing struggle to belong. When we begin to see the realities of living, we begin to feel scared, troubled, surprised yet strong, brave, and optimistic. Our inner core begins to understand that life is not just to live but to survive. Life is not just about living, it is about a journey. Life is not just about staying strong, it is to build a better self. Life is a journey to simply know ourselves.

Surprise! (October 5, 2008)

I wrote in a previous entry about absence. I talked about my garden.

A family recently visited me and they walked around the garden that night. "I feel like I am walking in a forest.", one of them commented. The youngest in the group told me that she like my place and that the garden is a wonderful place to discover things. Now that I have a forest, the animals will start to come. I had been observing life through the numerous visitors I have such as butterflies, dragonflies, snails, wasps, bees, lizards, toads, frogs, ladybugs, praying mantises and moths. Now, I am encountering a new addition to my garden, a snake.

Today, I had the opportunity to walk around the garden. I noticed a colourful specimen wrapped around a bark in one of the trunks of my green palms. I though it was a caterpillar and I was so excited to see it close so I can bring it to school for show and tell. Once I poked my face near the trunk, I was shocked to find out that it was actually a snake. I was stunned as I have no affinity to reptiles so much so for snakes. I retreated and became prantic. I was telling myself over and over the whole day today that, "I have a snake in my garden! I have a snake in my garden!"

I have no idea what to come next. But I know that I will be more observant and respectful of the world around me.

ARK (October 04, 2008)

There is this movie called Mighty Evan that I saw one lazy afternoon on cable teevee. I was just switching channels when I stumbled upon a conversation between Evan and God. God has asked Evan to build an ark so that he can save the animals and people from a coming disaster. The theme of which is familiar to bible readers.

The one word that struck me was the acronym for ARK as one act of random kindness. Then I asked myself if I practice that and the answer is no. I have acts of kindness but done reasons. I do help people in distress but I have to think it twice or more. I do share my time with people but it is always limited. I do enjoy being with friends but I am always in a hurry to be home. I do give people the opportunity to know me but then I shy away afterwards. I am not being spontaneous. I am not being generous of my time and presence.

There are many opportunities to show our ARK and in many differing situations. The old woman by the bus stop, your officemate in distress, a friend who is ill, a relative who is looking for someone to trust, and many others. I’ll start again as I have lost my generosity and spontaneity during these years. One act of kindness can go miles and miles away.

Yearning (October 01, 2008)

Peach and Blue is a heart warming story about a blue-bellied frog named Blue who is contented with his everyday life and Peach, who yearns to see the world. Their will to do an adventure made the realize the importance of love, care and the mindfulness we all need to aim.

Peach reminded me of myself when I was much younger. Being envious of my friends who had gone abroad, I longed to be away to experience what life is and how I can make a life of my own. Blue reminded me of myself right now as I appreciate the things given to me, and the things I discover throughout this life's adventure.

Peach and Blue also reminded me of the long lost friendships I had from friends. I long for those moments of togetherness and camaraderie. I long for those chit chats and exchanges of views and opinions. Also, the book reminded me of the importance of living the moment.

We might be yearning for so many things that we seem to forget that the most important things in life are within our reach. The gifts of friendship, family and inner peace.

Reasons For Every Seasons (September 26, 2008)

It is rare in this ever-busy world to find people who will make an impact to our lives in small and big ways. Most of us will be scurrying to go on our business being unmindful of the people and circumstances around us. Majority would probably agree that they didn’t even see the beauty of the sunshine or the majestic colours of the sunset every dusk.

I have no known reason why I ended up being a teacher. It was an accident at the start before it became a motivation to achieve. Now, it is on its journey towards self-actualization. I am beginning to see the many reasons for my being a teacher and being in another country.

With this wonderful friend of mine, our meeting was no accident at all, it was faith. I remember her lending me some of her household things to make myself a home in my new found environment. Then, she helped me survive the harsh realities of working where prejudice exists and taught me to believe in myself as a person. Again and again, she comforted my inner soul whenever I was lost and drowning in tears. This year, she is my present motivator at the workplace and is a joy to work with. Her presence is reason enough to be happy, to be thankful and to be at peace with myself.

But all things come to an end. She will be taking absence to heal her failing health. It was saddening to me but I look at the situation as her determination to continue with her positive and unwavering spirit. That is, to restore her health so that she can continue with what she does well, to positively touch people’s lives.

So when things come along our way, there are reasons for them. God is never sleeping as He gives us ways to discover ourselves through our daily dealings with what is explainable and what cannot be easily understood. It is in having faith that we get to see the reasons for every seasons.

Absence (September 22, 2008)

I have not been walking down my garden for quite some time. The rains had been pouring every now and then and I had been very busy with other things. I am not worried for my plants as I knew the rain is taking care of them.

What I enjoy with absence is the joy of finding something surprising. I remember being away from my garden for almost a week since I travelled somewhere and then be welcomed by blossoming yellow flowers, the kind that bear flowers so rare. There was this palm like tree I have and one day surprised me with the wonderful smell of its flowers.

There was also a time when I was admiring a spotted green and yellow plant of mine one day and then returned to be shocked with just a trunk, branches and very few leaves as it was devastated by caterpillars.

So I guess that being away from my garden will give me a needed surprise, a few blossoms maybe or fruits from the trees. And I am hoping that the absence I am feeling from many things will bring me, something to look forward to.

Friendships (September 19, 2008)

I know a lot of people from all walks of life. I also have a big group of international people that I know as I have been around an international community for many years. I have met many interesting people and some who have shown me what life is.

Cynthia Rylant’s The Old Woman Who Named Things opened my eyes to my current attitude towards friendship. It was in the very end of the book where I saw a realization that I had been ignoring throughout.

She thought of all the old, dear friends with names whom she had outlived. She saw their smiling faces and remembered their lovely names, and she thought how lucky she had been to have known these friends. She thought what a lucky woman she was.

The realization is that I had been ignoring friends and had been running away from them. Not that I don’t like to socialize, but because I prefer being home alone and tending the garden. If any invitations come up, I do attend but I don’t stay for a longer time.

So if you ask me to name ten close friends I have, I probably would have to think, hmm… ten is such a big number. However, I am a lucky person as I will be able to name a few; a few that I know will be around for a long, long time. It’s time to celebrate, to celebrate my friendship with them not just through blogging but by being visible.

Alive (September 16, 2008)

This year, I have the opportunity to work with one of my favorite friends. We used to work together many years ago, parted ways and then back again this school year.

When I was very new to the school I used to work with, I knew no one and felt very much alone. One day after class, I passed by the kitchen of our homey school. Seated by the doorway was a beautiful woman with her child. She asked me in my vernacular and I was surprised to hear a Caucasian speaking an Asian language. She happened to have lived and finished her high school where I was originally from. We became instant buddies and exchanged greetings every time we saw each other.

Her first born who was just a toddler during our first meet but became my student when he turned three. Bubbly and positively active, he became one of my favorites in class. His mum started working in the school so we ended up being close friends.

Fast forward some years, I heard that our former school co-principal was to leave so I was vying for my friend to come back as the co-administrator. When it didn’t materialize, I was down hearted and this disappointment became an issue in my school. I was told to be not a team player and not supportive of my former co-principal’s decisions. A rife ensued between me and the newly hired co-principal. The reason wasn’t that, the sadness was because my friend didn’t make it to be the co-principal.

That being said, I struggled in school to show that I meant good for everyone. I struggled to be a part of a group with the intention to succeed and prosper. I struggled hard, and sacrificed many things including my pride.

During the last school term, I was very ecstatic when I heard that in the coming school year, my friend will be working as a teacher. I was very excited.

She is now with us again. I do see her every morning with her cheerful disposition and contagious smile. I know I am always surrounded by good people but when I am surrounded by good friends, I feel much alive.

Greatness Defined (September 14, 2008)

Award winning writer Richard Paul Evans wrote this compelling book about a man who wanted to be great. Building himself a tower taller than any existing edifice, he stayed there and realized that being ‘on top’ means nothing in the end.

What makes a ‘great’ man? I have no idea to this but I can give some examples of traits I find worthy of my respect and admiration.

Determination, the will to stay put and continue had been one of the greatest trait I wish I have and a trait I look for people. Not everyone is bless with riches or intelligence. Not everyone possesses alluring beauty or a multitude of friends. Those who are lacking but know how to fill those weaknesses with strengths are the most determined individuals ever.

Patience is another great trait and only those who possess real patience endure hardships and challenges with a positive outlook.

Selflessness, a trait that is seemingly losing its meaning as more and more people are finding comfort, control and egocentrism as superior and meaningful. Being selfless means not only thinking of oneself but also thinking of others. A selfless person does not ask for rewards nor wait for one. A selfless person acts with a willing spirit and an open heart.

There are many more traits that makes a great man. We just don't need to exert effort to become great, it comes and will come naturally. Being a good mother, a responsible father, a dedicated teacher, a hard working government worker are all but great in their own worlds. So when we put one act of great deed to others, we do a chain reaction of great things to follow.

Not Just a Book (September 05, 2008)

There are books with illustrations evoking expressions that seem to attract and elicit reactions both verbal and emotional. The book Charming Opal did this trick.

Charming Opal is about a pig who visited her cousins at Woodcock Pocket. It is about Opal’s adventures with her cousins and the eventual lost of her wobbly tooth.

The illustrations evoked much of the excitement during the first few pages and the drama when the tooth got lost and cannot be found. It imbibed disappointment when I thought the tooth fairy wasn’t able to visit Opal. It woke my cheery spirit learning she got a quarter from the tooth fairy at the end of the story.

Holly Hobbie, the author and illustrator, is a magnificent person as she can convey her messages not just with words but also with the vivid expressions of her book characters and the situations they are into. She is a reigning favorite of mine.

Truly our face is the window of our emotions. Our sadness is magnified by our sorrowful eyes and faint smiles, while our happiness is seen through the beaming delight of our actions. So when these expressions are put into drawings, a book becomes more than a book, it is alive.

On Becoming a Teacher (September 01, 2008)

I found this entry I wrote a year ago and was surprised to not see this in my own blog so I am adding this up. This is a gist of the presentation I gave for the SSHS students during their career orientation day.

On Becoming A Teacher
(The Beginning, the Middle Path, the Treasure Within)

The Beginning

Where do you fit in?
Do you like to teach?
Do you enjoy being with people?
Do you believe in making a difference?
Do you think you can be a good example to others?
Do you aim for selflessness and change?

Are you ready to be?
A spiritual leader
An academician
A guide
A leader
A mentor
An inspiration
A mover

How to be the best?
Education
Moral
Values
Dedication
Patience
Love

The Middle Path

Teaching as…
The road less taken… admittedly not a financially rewarding career which is a pity
The passing of the torch…as I pass the light from one person to the next so that his and her destiny is easily seen
Ripple effect…from me to you and to the next generation of young men and women
Instrument of change…or a catalyst, from good to better, to rise up to every occasion

Challenges
Comfort zone- to be comfortable and live within one’s own circle
Risk taker- to take part in the growing process by learning more and challenging oneself
I am not advocating brain drain but hoping that those who will leave the country, the reasons are for self-actualization and a matter of personal choice.

The Treasure Within
Financial- teaching won’t buy you material wealth but it can buy you trust and respect. It is a modest form of living.
Professional-growth as a person is inevitable and it is an ongoing process, we never cease to learn. We grow to learn ourselves and the people surrounding us.
Emotional-happiness can never be bought and when we do something where we are happy, then life is worth living.
Spiritual-remembering that you had been guiding young minds and hearts all throughout your life as a teacher.

And most especially the warmth and smiles of fifteen children everyday give me the reason to live. Love your teachers because they love you.

The Three Questions (August 31, 2008)

A very well respected mum came to my class and shared the story of The Three Questions in class. She read the book beautifully with such fervour, it became an immediate favourite.

While on a book hunting spree, I was able to find this prolific story based on a story by Leo Tolstoy. I was astounded to have found it, so I grabbed it as it was a bargain, so much cheaper than the one you buy from a book shop.

Upon reading the text, I stopped for a moment and returned back from the beginning and reread the story again. It dawned on me that the book does not just have beautiful illustrations but the text was so rich in meanings and interpretations.

The three questions were:
When is the best time to do things?
Who is the most important one?
What is the right thing to do?

So when I reflect on those questions for me to answer back, I cannot give a straight answer. I needed time to find the answers to some of the most simple yet intriguing questions of life.

The answers were given at the end but it was an answer to Nikolai, the main character of the story.

“Remember then that there is only one important time, and that is now. The most important one is always the one you are with. And the most important thing to do is to do good for the one who is standing at your side. For these, my dear boy, are the answers to what is most important in this world. This is why we are here.”

And so I answer the questions with limitations:

The best time to do things is now. Doing them now provides an opportunity for us to make a future. Besides, we do not want blaming ourselves for lost chances.
The most important ones are the people we love and cherish such as our parents, family members, friends, health, belief and conviction.

The right thing to do is to show our loved ones their value, to express to them our love and to make ourselves a part of their growth.

And this is why we are here.

The Start of an End (August 29, 2008)

I suddenly realized that all through these years I am living in a world I made up. A world believing I have friends around me. And now I have to wake up from this illusion.

If I can treasure friendship, I can also throw it knowing that my friendship will never be reciprocated. If I can exert effort to mend broken ties, I can also make the chain rusty for it to break easily. I am not the only one to blame.

I might still be where you found me, the lowly person seeking approval and acceptance from all. I might not be able to stand side by side in your mighty pedestal but I am not looking up. I am not going to soar and fly. I will just surrender.

There is no use for explanations; it is a choice you gave. You live your life, I live mine. It’s the start of an end.

Reunited (August 22, 2008)

Meeting my former high school buddies along with my school mates had been an exhilarating experience. After many, many years we all grew to be older, wiser perhaps, and merrier. It was very noisy in the hall as each and everyone were busy sharing and exchanging past times, stories both old and new.

After that grand reunion, I managed to get together with more people but in smaller groups. I had the privileged to sit down with an all girls group then later in the evening, a night out with the boys. Nothing grand, nothing great but exquisitely delightful to be with all of them.

Time had made us gray-er, bigger, bald-er, and stronger. It also made us experienced and resilient.

Pointing Fingers (August 18, 2008)

When everyone is busy with the way of world, we find it difficult to admit some things that we have done wrong. We usually end blaming someone or something in return.

I know of one person who worked equally hard in school as a custodian. She is always busy, the most diligent I might say amongst all of us. She does not even leave a speck of dust (literally) and even wipes with a soft cloth each and every leaves of a plant placed in the classroom.

But with her diligence and industriousness, she is often the punching bag of the school staff. She is often looked down and told to be lazy, careless and wasteful. Stories had been told about her which circulate as rumours as the staff are fond of gossiping about her.

Is it jealousy or envy perhaps that drives them crazily wagging their tongues? Comparatively, the rest are inferior to her skills as a helper and as a dedicated staff of our school. She cries often not because she pities herself but because she can't be accepted though some of us in school had been very supportive of her.

It is in pointing our finger to others that we think we save grace and face. But if we truly look at our hand, the rest of the fingers are pointing to ourselves.

Dad (August 15, 2008)

I was browsing blogs and journal entries when I came upon an entry written by Toilet Thoughts at http://atoxicmind.blogspot.com/2008/06/five-things-i-learned-from-my-dad.html . His entry was so moving I was in tears reading it. The entry was about his dad.

I have nothing much to share about my father. When I was growing, I always felt left alone and neglected that I didn’t have any bond with my dad. I always feel inside my heart that he doesn't want me around. I tried very hard to show my greatness but it was always blindsided by my siblings.

Though given a rough road to take, I embraced the hardships and unfairness amongst my siblings and made a life of my own. I left and started living without any help or support. I started from scratch with the help of my new employer. It was a rough, rough road.

However, whatever transpired during those years, I still owe what I have to my dad. My younger years living with my family made me stronger as I battled even stronger forces being alone. The anguish and disappointments made me stronger to eventually face the harsh realities of life. I succeeded and my dad was instrumental to my success.

Today is his birthday and I owe everything I have to my dad. He is by far my greatest motivator. Happy birthday!

Mother's Day (August 12, 2008)

As a teacher,I always put great emphasis on the roles of parents in rearing their children. Though most are taught in schol, the beginning stages are far important than anything else. There is always a big difference between children who were raised by their parents and those raised by other members of the house including nannies. The ones whose parents are always there to guide and support are more successful in school rather than those whose parents are always absent. This is what I had observed and this is just my opinion.

In this regards, I would like to thank all the mothers who had been gracefully offering their time and love to the children I am teaching and had taught for many years. This entry is for all the mothers who gave their trust and respect to me as a teacher. I am forever grateful.

I am grateful not only for the trust and the respect but because of your dedication and commitment of being a " true mum". Have a great day!

The One and Only (August 10, 2008)

After reading the book The One and Only by Holly Hobbie, I asked my student whether she was Opal, who is patient and calm even when being copied by someone or Daphne who reacts consistently when she sees such copying behaviour. She immediately answer that she was Opal.

There was a time in my teaching career that a newly hired teacher copied everything I did in class. I helped her during her beginning days but I was actually waiting for her to acknowledge it and say, that she needed some help. I learned from a reliable source in school that she sneaked in and out of my classroom when I am gone and then took photographs of everything , and then execute those lessons and art works in her class.

When I confronted her about the issues, she told me that those that I see were her ideas and not copied from someone. I was flabbergasted as they were exact replicas of my work. I dismissed the issue and let it passed. I still remember being angry and saddened by her answers.

I learned my lessons and hopefully, she did.

Home and Back (August 8, 2008)

I find it very difficult to start anew once I have been in the comfort zone of my home. Connecting with my family is a bonding experience given only a few days to renew and cherish each moments. And as the days grew longer and the time to part becomes shorter, I cannot but feel homesick again.

Now that I am away from home again, I still feel the love and the warmth in my family’s abode. I still remember the many moments of togetherness. But even those moments are being eaten up by loneliness and homesickness. It creeps in like a shadow following me wherever I go.

Life is about choices. I ended up being alone because I am escaping something. I ended up being independent because it was a choice I have to make. I ended up being homesick but the feeling will diminish as days roll by.